My AF Journey Journal

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Afternoon. I am having a really lazy afternoon. Just woke up from a nap (we didnt get home til 2-45am and I am toooooo old for that sort of stuff especially as i had to get up to take my darling to soccer this morning). Am sitting here watching our psycho-puss chase his tail and bolt around the house so fast he skids on the wooden floorboards! Sooo funny.

Pap, although I am not gaining weight since stopping drinking, I certainly am not loosing it. Substituting one addiction with another. I have always had issues with weight although I have never been overweight. Bulimic at 19, and yoyo dieting all my life.
Glad you got your plan in place for the party. Always helpful to be ready for whatever may happen in social situations.
Hope your foot is getting better. It's amazing how pain can transfer to hips, backs etc when you have a sore foot, especially if you are favouring your foot.

Well you are into your third week. Hope you are feeling proud of yourself. As Meech says your attitude is awesome and it is contagious. By journaling your journey you are helping others along the way too - me being one of them.
So keep up the good work, take care of yourself and those little pups and I will talk again tomorrow.
HC

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Day 16

Whew!! What a freakin' busy day!! Up early for a Sunday to get to the Graduation for my nephew at 9am. Got out at 12:30!! It was a full Catholic Mass (didn't know that part!!) AND the graduation ceremony!!

Everything was beautifully done and although very hot inside the gym, it was great. Sooooo proud of the boy!

Afterwards a stop at the market to pick up a few things for my sister for the party, then home for 45 min to let the dogs out and eat a light lunch then on to the party at 3pm.

I stopped at DDs and got my Coolatta which I happily nursed poolside for an hour then switched to water. Kept marveling how 6 months ago I would have had a buzz on already,been headed for oblivion and most likely making a fool of myself. Instead I took interest in what ever conversation I was engaged in, didn't have to worry about trying real hard not to slur my words and perhaps most surprising, I had no desire to sit by the munchies and pig out. In fact, for dinner I had a little spoonful of the foods I like most instead of big helpings, and a large piece of cake instead of multiple deserts. I really didn't think I ate all that much compared to what I normally would have eaten but here it is 9:30 and I'm still so full I could burst!!

This week there have been a couple of posts on how to deal with social situations and how to disclose that you're not drinking anymore. On the way to the party my heart was honestly singing. I didn't care if people commented or not. I was just so excited to be going, to be in the moment and to not worry about the drive home. And what happened? Absolutely nothing. Not one word was said about me having water in my hand instead of the customary wine. No one asked if I wanted a glass of wine. It was truly a non issue. There were many people not drinking, some only had a glass or two and some are probably still there finishing up the beers and the wine.

On the way home I had to keep reminding myself that I didn't have watch out for the cops or be super careful about my speed or accuracy. It was kind of funny actually as this is the route I take home every day from work but because I was at an event where I normally drink to excess and then drive home, my mind was still at that place. Very wierd.

The only mar to this whole day is that I got to the party and realized I had never picked up a graduation card for my nephew!! His gift will be given to him right before he leaves for college but I feel so bad there is no card for him tonite when he opens all the rest. Bad Auntie. Space Shot Auntie LOL!!

[techie]

My AF Journey Journal

papmom3 I just wanted to let you know how much I love your journal posts. I've always had reservations about opening up & exposing my feelings. Your journaling is so raw and honest and has made me think about openig up more. So papmom3 I want to thank you as I plan to begin my own journal thread shortly. Keep posting and I'll keep reading every word. respectively...techie

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Happy Monday Papmom!

Cards are nice but the part that makes you a wonderful Aunt is that you were there. Your nephew would agree!!! :h

Techie - Please start a journal. It has really helped me to stay strong. and the connection I have developed with Hippy, Papmom, JC and others is such a warm embrace I can't put into words.

Pappy - Look at your mind-set in social settings! I love it. I must read your post over before I go out with a group myself. How you are actually excited at the idea of being sober, drinking AF drinks, driving home with no worries... instead of feeling deprived because you can't have AL. What a positive refreshing way to look at life.

Bravo! :wd:

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

I agree with Meech...... Bravo.
I did call in last night but my connection to the internet kept dropping out for some reason so I couldnt leave a post. You sounded so pumped after your party, congratulations. The pride in your voice (fiingers?) is really evident. You truly are an inspiration to us all.
I would recommend a journal to anyone as I it seems to keep you on track, more accountable to yourself as well as others. I look forward to checking into your and Meech's journal each day. I find if I dont have too much time, instead of going to the nest like I used to, I just check your two threads.
Once again, well done.
Hipster

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Day 17

Wow Meech, HC, Techie and SK8(for his shoutout on his thread)! You guys make me blush and brought tears to my eyes!! Thank you so much for the faith, the caring and yes, the inspiration. I could not have come this far with out all of you and everyone I've met at MWO, especially in the Newbie's Nest where I met all of you.

I do feel really good these days. I do have worries in the back of my mind that I'll slip again and let myself and all of you down and then you all will think: "Oh, all those things she said before-they were just words. She obviously didn't mean it." But it's only a tiny worry right now. I feel strong, calm and in control. I'm finding other ways of relaxing and getting to sleep-exactly what my gastro doc said for me to do way back last year. My big test will come next week when I'm on vacation and have LOTS of projects planned. I know the beast will be yelling in my ear that I deserve as much as I want-no work the next day-who cares if you're hungover-you deserve that wonderful mellow feeling. Well I've got news for him. Just you wait Mr. Beastie Beast Beast!!

On a better note, my ankle is starting to feel much better after almost 2 days of rest (nothing like sitting by the pool chatting!!). I went for a long hot walk at lunch today up and down hills and no problem. I tried a bit of a jog and I'm not ready for that. Hope I will be for Thurs. nite. My dog is NOT a slow dog LOL!!

OH my! look at the time! Gotta go-see you all tomorrow!!

[techie]

My AF Journey Journal

We are all struggling with our dependence issues papmom. We are all human, vulnerable, and fragile. The one thing we all have in common is we all want to beat this in the worst way. I would absolutely think NO LESS of you if you slipped. Sure, I would be disappointed just as I would be if I did. However, that would NOT change the way I feel about how you're dealing with your battle. It would NOT change the way in which you have inspired others because that work is done. Read the posts. What I expect is to see you continue to be inspirational. MWO is a much better place because of people like you.

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

I agree Techie.....

I still feel like that too about the slight possibility of a slip. Like I told you Friday when I had my self imposed test... all I kept thinking about was letting you guys down so I chose not to. You will be the same. It is a choice.
Glad your foot is getting better, you will soon be able to get back to walking with the pooches. Dont try jogging yet, might be a bit soon and you could damage your foot permenantly. One step at a time goes for alot of things!

Got my day off tomorrow which is a good thing as I feel a cold coming on. So am going to rug up with some Lemsip and veg in front of the TV all night.
Take care and will pop in again tomorrow.
HC

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

So glad your heart is singing!

Hi Papmom,

Hurray the foot is better!

Definitely DO NOT RUN! You'll be back at the poolside in no time. Enjoy the walks. If there's hills like you say in your area, you can power walk them and get a fantastic workout in. Or go longer for some endurance. Or do 2 walks a day (double whammy on the metabolism) when you are on holidays.

I agree with Techie - You make MWO a special comforting place to go to. AND THAT ALSO GOES FOR Techie, Hippy, JC, Mama, Doggy, Mollyka, K9, Nora, Katie, Sunshine oh the list goes on and on....

Very positive even when we have hard days it's always a safe place to come.

Hippy I do hope you fought off that cold. I find oil of oregano works wonders (if you can choke it down, I have to put water in my mouth first then the oregano then wash it all down with more water). It really fights off colds and other bugs for me anyway.

Lemsip? Is that like a hot lemon drink with maybe some medicine or something to make you sleep. If I can't travel the world in the flesh I will become more culturally tuned up with my MWO friends around the world!

Have a great day to all! :l

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Morning.
Unfortunately, Meech, that cold has taken hold of me in a big way. Dont often get sick - always believe that positive thinking can ward off a cold, but let my guard down and it snuck in. I was actually thinking that as I am going away on holidays in three weeks need to get any illnesses out of the way so they dont interfer with my time off...... So a few days later got a lovely (HATEHATEHATEHATE them) cold sore and a cold! I thought the supps were doing wonders as I havent had a coldsore since January, but let that little thought into my head and look what happened! I have never heard of oil of oregano. I like the flavour of oregano in my food but never knew about it's healing qualities. Will have a look at the health food store. And yes Lemsip is a hot lemon drink with honey and paracetamol.
Sorry Pap - me and Meech hijacking your thread! How is your foot? Hope you have been taking it slowly with getting back into exercise.
That photo you have under your signature? Is that where you live? I do love the international-ness (yes I just made that word up) of MWO. Sunshine posted photos of her house in the nest which looks like something out of a movie, I was talking to GIBT from chicago and Molly from Ireland in the chat room last night. Just love this internet and the access to people all around the world. Not good for people like me though as I tend to isolate myself, quite happy to stay at home and never see others. I live in a small community on the beach and there is everything we need here. So often I dont need to leave the town or my house now with everything available on the net. My local supermarket is offering internet ordering and home delivery now so dont even have to go shopping anymore! Not good though as I do think I need to see other faces rather than just a computer screen. I just find it easier not to have to deal with others - that is when I am sober, had no trouble with a few drinks in me!
OK, well will pop back later. Take care.
HC

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Techie, thank you so much for the words of wisdom. Time to stop worrying aboout what might be and concentrate on what is.

HC-you just take care of yourself so you can be healthy for the holidays. Now that you are AF, I'm thinking the social part of you will come out eventually when you're ready. I was isolating myself a lot too, mostly because I didn't want to be driving drunk but also because I didn't want anyone to see the sorry drunk slob I had become. No one but my family who got to see me in technicolor. Anyway, I'm having a blast with the few things I am doing now like agility.
The pic under my siggy? No, I don't live there but wouldn't it be nice? I just wanted something to represent the mountain I'm climbing and slipped off of.

Hi Meech-thank you for the great advice and the very kind words. I'm being a good girl and not doing too much on my feet so that I can run the courses on Thursday nite. It was too hot today to go for a walk anyway. It definitely is feeling better everyday.

OK everyone, I have a new motto:

Hang 10 and ride the Crave Wave-it might feel like a tsunami at first, but it will always end as a ripple.

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hang 10 and ride the Crave Wave-it might feel like a tsunami at first, but it will always end as a ripple.
Hi Papmom. I like your new motto. I feel like I am riding a tsunami at present as my son has gotten himself into alot of trouble. Will need to focus on him for the next few days so I will check in when I can. Stay strong.
HC

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi HC,
I know the cravings will be especially strong right now as you deal with the pain of the trouble your son has gotten into. Just remember that you will be able to deal with this so much better sober. The AL might give you sweet numbing relief for an hour or so, but it will sap your strenght and your ability to deal with this rationally and calmly because you will be feeling like crap physically. Ride it out, focus on your son and when you can, pamper yourself with a walk or peice of chocolat, cup of tea, whatever makes you feel special. Take strength and inspiration from Lav who stayed sober when her husband walked out on her without warning. Go back and read her posts.
I'll be thinking of you today and will try to check in if I can but definitely tonite.
:l :h

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi All,

Yippeeeee Techie is going to start a journal. It really helps me stay on track. I looking forward to reading it and folowing your journey.

Hippy - hope the cold gets better. I get coldsores about 2-3 times a year. HATE THEM!
As for oil of oregano.....completely different then oregano in cooking. Trust me. It's awful, spicy, down right gruesome. But it works like a charm. I even use it if I feel a coldsore or any virus coming. So a little yuck for great benefits. Just wanted to prepare you if you do try it. :egad:

Hope things work out with your son. I have a feeling it will go much smoother with a sober Mom (or Mum).

Papmom - could you send some heat over to western Canada. Brrrrrrrr. Just about froze at my daughter's track meet today.

Hang 10 and ride the Crave Wave-it might feel like a tsunami at first, but it will always end as a ripple. LOVE IT. So much more poetically written than my "wait the craving will fade" line. Might steal that tonight when my cravings hit!!! :h

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Papmom. Have run out of time to read your journal and catch up but just wanted to say Hi, am thinking of you and hope you are doing OK. Have updated the issue with my son on Meech's journal but will elaborate when I get time after work. Always seem to be rushing in the mornings lately!!
Take care and will pop in later.
HC