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    My AF Journey Journal

    Day 30-just beginning but no worries!!

    Had a great day 29!! Went to a papillon playdate-first one this year. It was big-about 50 dogs and their owners and we were very lucky that Mom Nature held off on her storms until we were almost done. It was great to catch up with people I only see once or twice a year but "see" on line everyday. The food was great-we have so many innovative cooks in this group-and the activities were so much fun. LM made his mark as usual but in addition to being loud, he preformed a new trick even I didn't know he could do: he opened up a small cooler and stole 2 boneless cooked chicken breasts out of it!! I was mortified as I realized that the poor woman who had been doggled was talking about MY guy!!! It turns out the woman's dog is on a very restricted diet and chix breasts are his one and only treat!! Well, needless to say LM earned a very long time out and was put on lead for the rest of the afternoon. Other than that, all 3 boys won first place in a fun match: Mickey for largest pap, Koby my devil dog for most color and LM for best rescue. Obviously the judge hadn't heard about his thievery :H:H . They are now sporting blue ribbons on their crates and got cute squeaky toys as prizes. By the time we got home and settled it was close to 8. I managed to stay on the MWO site for another 2 hours tho LOL and then off to dream land. Unfortunately they all had too many treats at the party so it was up and down in and out. Sigh.
    Have a somewhat lazy day planned today, my last day of vacation :upset:
    We have a stormy day ahead so there will be no walks, no outside chores. I'll try to give the whole house another good cleaning, do some laundry, shop for the next week and if time, work on my budget so I can be sure I can quit my Saturday job altogether.

    One note about Seven Weeks to Sobriety: In the book she identifies a couple of different types of Alcoholics based on brain chemistry. The quiz will help you idenitfy your closest type and most of us are a combination with one more prevalent. She does recommend a number of blood tests and hair anaylysis to confirm but says it isn't necessary. I mainly got the book for the eating plan she recommends. It's basically tailored for people with hypoglycemia which she says the majority of alcoholics have. My blood tests said the opposite. I actually went shopping the first day of my vacation to get everything on her meal plan. I found the brown rice bread (at $6 a very small loaf-yikes!), couldn't reconcile with plain carrot juice so I opted for orange/carrot instead, bought the sunflower butter and then went on to the fruits and veggies. The whole premise is low sugar and being aware of hidden sugar. The brown rice bread is very very dense and hard to eat and it only has 2 grams of fiber which to me is unacceptable. The sunflower seed butter is good but doesn't have as much protein as peanut butter and still had a lot of sugar in it as well as being very expensive. Love the carrot/OJ juice. Also switched to plain soy milk which I like very much. The snacks she recommends twice a day are wierd unless you want to eat almonds 3 times a day which isn't very healthy. My new favorite smoothie to put my All One in is the carrot/OJ and soy milk. Tastes like a creamscicle!! I don't think this eating plan is for me. It's very expensive and I think it might be slightly out of date since the book was written in the early 90s. I'm going to give WW a try and see how that goes.

    Will check in later tonite to officially end my 30th day of sobriety!!
    New Birthday: May 8, 2010

    "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

    KO the Beast!!

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      My AF Journey Journal

      Hi Papmom.
      Must be your 30th day AF (my time anyway). Well done. 30 days is a great effort. I know it hasnt been easy for you but you have stayed strong and slayed the beast. :good:
      You have a great plan, are willing to try anything to help and are putting in so much effort to really change your life for the better. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got! But you are doing things differently so you will get a different result. I am glad you have shared your success each day in this journal.
      Your doggy day sounded fun. It is great to catch up on people you only see once a year. I too have something like that soon (although not dogs, golf course superintendants - they can act like dogs/animals after a few beers). We are going to the Gold Coast in Queensland for the yearly conference, so I will be able to see people I only ever see there. Although I do "talk" to some on Facebook.
      Sounds like you have a thief like I do. My kitty Jimmy is terrible like that. If I am cooking i have to constantly watch him as if my back is turned for one second he is up on the bench trying to steal whatever he can. I left the rubbish bin open last night and he stole a cup cake paper out of the bin. When I reached down to get it off him, he growled at me! He was a wild kitten when we found him in the bush so he must still have some feral traits in him. Cant leave anything on the side of the sink as he will get up there and lick whatever he can get off a dirty plate. It's disgusting really.
      I dont know about the diet in Seven Weeks. Sounds like too much hard work. I find I need something that is easy to incorporate into real life as if I have to get all sorts of weird things, I loose the desire to do it. I lost 17 kilos on the weight watchers diet once. Now I try to stick to a high protein, low carb diet from Curves (although I havent been too successful since I quit drinking. I feel I need my "reward" from cakes/biscuits/puddings etc instead of AL now..... but it is a very good eating plan if you can change your thought pattern to eating lots more protein than carbs). I cant understand how I can be so committed and strong when it comes to not drinking, yet I cant say no to yummy food.
      Anyway I hear movement in the otherwise quiet house, so I am going to go and say hi to Meech before the rest of the household wakes and steals my lovely peace and quiet.
      Take care and catchya later.
      HC
      I finally got it!
      "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

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        My AF Journey Journal

        Thanks HC. I really want this to be a forever lifestyle. I never want to go back to where I was. One of my problems is that with something new I usually throw myself into it for a short time then lose interest. I can't afford to let that be the case with quitting AL. Luckily, I broke that habit of quitting something when I started agility. It's been almost 2 years now of going to class every Thursday nite. I only missed 2 due to hangovers and I made it up the next week by attending 2 classes on that nite. I figure if I can stick with agility because it makes my dog healthier, then I can do something good for me like give up AL. Unfortunately I am like you when it comes to sweets now. I have got to make a concerted effort NOT to bring them into the house. Starting tomorrow.
        New Birthday: May 8, 2010

        "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

        KO the Beast!!

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          My AF Journey Journal

          heheheheeee. I always say that toooooo... starting tomorrow I am going to stop saying starting tomorrow!!!!
          Have a good one. HC
          I finally got it!
          "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

          Comment


            My AF Journey Journal

            Congrats PapM on 30 days. You sort of feel 'grown up' here with 30 under the belt don't you?
            :goodjob::goodjob::goodjob:
            Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
            contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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              My AF Journey Journal

              30 Days Woohoo and a Yeehaw!

              So so so proud of you Papmom. 30 days! Wow. You have been so strong. I try to feel your strength and get inspired by you. :happy::thumbs::yay::wd:



              Glad you had such a great day at the dog show. Action packed!

              I have NEVER liked diets. A balance. I don't think anyone should deprive themselves of their favorite treats. But make sure you have lots of healthy choices too. Sounds like some of the meals you have had lately are perfect. Make small changes. If all your food is new on this diet, takes a lot of time to prepare and find, expensive and some of it not tastey IT WON'T LAST. Add more veggies here and there to your meals, yogurt and berries instead of fatty ice-cream and take-out. I'm sure you have some winner meals you make that would get a A+ on healthiness. So stick to those and try a new healthy recipe each week. If it works than keep it as a regular. But don't change your entire eating regime.

              Papmom has got thirty days, thirty days, thirty days. Papmom is a winner in my book! :h

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                My AF Journey Journal

                Yes you are a winner!

                Well done on your 30 days of hard work. It's not been easy for you, but you have taken the beast on and won!

                Keep up the good work and soon you will be celebrating 60, 90, 120 days......

                Hippy
                I finally got it!
                "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

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                  My AF Journey Journal

                  Quick post,

                  Hope work goes fast today. Probably will cause it sounds busy.

                  Check in later!
                  Meech

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                    My AF Journey Journal

                    Day 32

                    Damn dog lost my post!! Arggghhh!!
                    Good to be back to work.... Not!! It's been very busy trying to get back on track. I miss my boyz and I miss my exercise. It's so hard to carve out time for it when I'm working 3 jobs and only have one day off. I actually feel worse for the boyz. At least I can walk at lunch, weather permitting. I can see a big difference in Devil Dogs demeaner now that he's home all day and not getting exercise.
                    As I passed the liquor store on the way home I realized that for a long time now I haven't been white knuckled, eyes closed, willing myself to drive by and not stop. It's a good feeling. Now instead of looking forward to getting home and having glass after glass of wine until I drop off, I look forward to spending a few minutes with the boyz, checking in here and then crawling into bed with my book and CD and dropping off naturally. I know that one of these days a crave tsunami wave is going to hit me hard. I'm going to want to just zone out from everything and get as numb as possible, damn the hangover, full bottle ahead!! I have faith in myself that I'll be able to ride that damn wave and kick the Beast's butt and not give in. I also know I can depend on all my friends at MWO to help me through it. I WILL drive past that store with eyes closed (only for a second-don't worry!!) and a big loud :lalala:until I can get home and log on.

                    Have a good nite my friends. Hope to have more time tomorrow to chat.
                    :l :h
                    New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                    "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                    KO the Beast!!

                    Comment


                      My AF Journey Journal

                      You know I will always be with you surfing that crave wave when/if it ever comes again. I will have to get a wet suit as it is a bit cold over here to be surfing.... but that is what friends do.

                      Think positive. Dont think "when" think "if".

                      It honestly does get better the more AF time you have. I rarely get a craving now and often go for days without thinking about it. Usually the only time I wish I could drink now is if I am trying to deal with something sober that I used to have to drink to do before. Like socialise.... I just avoid it now.

                      Not too sure what is going on with my subconscious. I had another dream about getting drunk last night. That is the second one in two weeks. Maybe it is because I am worried about going on holidays next week and it is my minds way of showing me what would happen if I did drink. In the dreams I am very disappointed with myself so maybe it is just to remind myself how I will let myself down if I did have one (or six).

                      Keep on driving PAST that bottle shop.

                      Hippy chick
                      I finally got it!
                      "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

                      Comment


                        My AF Journey Journal

                        That first week back to work can be hard. It's hump day for you now.

                        Glad you keep the lalalalala going when you pass the liquor store. Great job! Keep it up.

                        Hippy - As long as they are dreams it's all good. I have had a few drunk dreams myself. I remember the first few weeks of AF when I would wake up - the first thought in my head was "Am I hungover, oh yeah I didn't drink again...hurray" Did you ever get that. So use to being hungover every 2nd or 3rd day. It was common to wake up and wonder "Hmm is this a hung day or a good day".

                        Yuck. What a way to live.

                        Wow time is flying I gotta go get the kiddies from school. My daughter's room is the same. I have just been shutting the door. Out of sight out of mind. Today she clean's it!!!!

                        Chow for now
                        Meech

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                          My AF Journey Journal

                          Day 33

                          Short post as I'm really tired. Allergies were bad today with the rain.
                          Another busy day at work but the week is half over. Tomorrow I start Weight Watchers and I must say I'm pretty excited. If I can be AF for 3 months, then I can follow a simple eating plan and get my life and weight back under control. Tomorrow nite is the last agility class for 2 weeks and then it's Friday! I do have to work on Saturday :upset:. I find out tomorrow why HR wants to talk to me about my contract part time position in the Continuing Ed division. If it's not all doom and gloom and I can continue working there (my real job is in the day division), then I'm going to take the month of July off from my Saturday job to see if it really hurts my finances. It will be such luxury to have 4 whole weekends in a row free!! the other Saturday girl has already said she will take all 4 Saturdays as the state cut her unemployment benefits off 4 weeks early. F**Ktards!!
                          My brother came by today and cut down my crabapple tree that I rescued many years ago by transplanting it to another spot in my yard. I really liked the tree until I got LM and he started eating the fermented fruit and then Devil Dog followed suit. It's been 3 years of dealing with one sick dog every Fall well into winter depending on snow cover so I had to get it removed. I said goodbye to it this morning. I hope the tree gods don't have it in for me!! It was such a shock to come home to the empty back yard. It's so open now!! I do plan on planting a beautiful Magnolia tree in it's place in a slightly different location and I'll put a pot of flowers on the stump my brother left behind.
                          OK, that's all the news from the land of No Booze. Keep riding the Crave Wave everyone and hang 10!!
                          New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                          "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                          KO the Beast!!

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                            My AF Journey Journal

                            Hi Papmom,

                            What did you hear from your HR re- contract position?

                            Magnolia tree sounds like a beautiful addition to your yard.


                            Feeling blah again today. Really want the rain to stop. Some sunshine will lift my spirits, it's been cloudly and rainy for days. No risk of forest fires here!

                            Talk soon!

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                              My AF Journey Journal

                              Apparently anger is one of my triggers-that and fear because if I didn't have agility tonite I do believe I would not be able to stop myself from hitting the "bottle" store as HC puts it.
                              I found out about 1.5 hrs ago that apparentley working this contract position in another division of the college violates the state ethics law. If caught (by the state I assume as my HR Director obviously knows about the violation and by the way she signs off on my contract) I could be subject to up to $3000 dollars in fine, 2 yrs in prison or both. As she so nicely put it: "Pam, it's you that would get into trouble, not me since you took the ethics exam required of all employees and signed off on reading the law." Great. Doesn't help that she's a lawyer too. There goes $100 a week less tax. Guess I won't be quitting my Saturday job. In fact, will need to find another Saturday job as I obviously can't ask to have the 2 days a month I gave away back again. Not going to find anything that comes close to what this contract job was paying that's for sure.
                              Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. Everything..........
                              Hopefully by the time I get out of agility my anger will have subsided and I won't be hearing the Beast yelling at me.
                              :upset::mad-door:Son of a B**ch!! Don't want to take my BP right now that's for sure!!
                              New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                              "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                              KO the Beast!!

                              Comment


                                My AF Journey Journal

                                Papmom, Okay crappy news. If you can avoid the fine that would be huge. It's none of my business but that sounds pretty crazy. Your job could cost you a fine & prison! Ouch. Seems terribly severe.

                                Okay the drinking won't solve this problem i'm 150% sure, and will only make you more angry, upset, depressed + spend more money. So I am glad you have agility tonight. Block out the Beast. you need to.

                                Life throws curve balls at us all the time. Think this through. Options. This contract paid well and it's now over (big loss), you still have Saturday job option. How many hours did the contract consume in your week? Really look at your budget. It's amazing what people can do to save a little.
                                Do you really need the Mongolia Tree? How expensive is it?
                                No more take out Food = spending less = eating healthier at home.
                                No more drinking = saves money = helping to solve the dilema and your health.

                                Your health and happiness is more important than anything. If you aren't healthy you can't work. Take care of yourself. You are doing so well. You still have your day job.

                                Maybe the free time you will get back from no longer having your contract position will give you some much needed personal time? I totally don't mean to downplay the loss of this job. I know you are extremely frustrated, worried and rightfully so. It was a very good paying position that you depended on and now it's done.

                                You can get through this. There's always solutions, options. They might not be staring right in front of you but they are there. Everthing happens for a reason. come here tonight if you are struggling.
                                :l:l

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