My AF Journey Journal

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Morning girls and guys.
Just wanted to pop in and say hi as I am in the process of organising my daughters three day!! birthday celebrations so of course have no time for me.......
Will call in again tonight if I can.
Hope you are doing OK.
Take care
Hip

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

OK I'm here and I'm sober. Self medicated with a huge slice of veggie quiche, asparagus and an obscene amount of vanilla pudding with whipped cream and oreo cookie crumbles. Feel like crap of course but WW starts tomorrow!!
I'm feeling blue at the moment but very glad I had the agility class to burn off some of the anger. This Sunday I will sit down with my budget and see if I can't trim the crap out of it to live off my day job pay and have the Sat. job be the gravy. Going to need a new car soon but obviously can't afford that but not sure how I'm going to be able to afford the mounting repair bills on the car I have. The answers will show themselves all in good time I suppose.
Meech-the magnolia tree is my christmas gift from my brother. I bartered the take down of the crab apple tree, not that I had to-he wasn't going to charge me anyway and was still going to pay me for working on his website PLUS offered to pay for the Intro to Dreamweaver course I'm starting next week so that I can work on his website and actually know what I'm doing :H. I turned him down on paying for the course but I might reverse that decision. I'm hoping the course qualifies for the 50% tuition waiver my union offers. I'll find out tomorrow. If it does, then he would only be reimbursing me for $50 instead of $100.
You are right about the take out and eating at the school cafeteria. No more of that. Not pocketbook friendly or WW friendly. I'll do a little food shopping tomorrow nite but the bulk will be on Sunday (after I work out the budget) so I can go to Trader Joe's and the local farm stand.
Well, I'm glad I passed my first big test. I'm going to head off to bed to read and wind down before I nod off. See you all tomorrow.

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

:goodjob: Papmom!

Treats are always better than AL. Glad you have a plan in place. Nice gift from the brother. Glad the Mongolia Tree is coming!

Just like the booze $$$ adds up so does the take out food. I think that will really make a good difference to the pocket book. If I could just convince my husband about his coffee run he does every morning on the way to work. If he just made it at home and put it in a coffee mug he could save $75-80/month. And that's just coffee. Imagine take-out food everyday etc.....

You passed today with flying colors!

Time for me to make some grub and hit the sack!

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Papmom are you okay. haven't posted today. Busy with work?

Hope to hear from you soon.

Meech

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hey Meech,
Yes, I'm fine. It was busy at work plus my boss was hovering. Hate that!! I had a nice dinner at Dad's, all within my WW points. I'm still sad and anxious but I'm going to try to work on my budget remotely tomorrow if the office isn't too busy. The sooner I get that done, the sooner I'll know exactly where I stand. Then I can worry about something else!! My co-worker and I took a nice 1.8 mile walk at lunch so that helped as well. We're getting faster-we did the walk in 33 minutes!!
I'm hoping Sunday will not be the stormy day they predict so I can finally get that pond installed!!
I'm so glad I didn't fall into a bottle of wine last nite. I talked to my sister on the way home and she was very supportive. Made a comment about how mellow/depressed I get when I drink (better than being a mean drunk I guess!) so it's obvious AL doesn't help me one little bit!! I'm OK being sad and anxious. I know it will pass. I'm wondering if the hunger pains will tho!! I'm out of points for the day and I didn't even cave when a colleague brought over her famous chocolate chip cookies!! Now that HAD to be tougher than resisting the wine!!
Good luck with your final training sessions. I will be thinking of you all day on Sunday. Good luck to the kids with their Jr. Triatholons. How nice that it is a family affair!!
HC- How are you doing this weekend?

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Day ????

I think I've officially stopped counting.
It's been a sad end of the week. first the news about my very lucrative part time job and then at 4pm my good friend called to tell me her granddaughter's dog (they both live with her) had just gotten run over by a tow truck who didn't even stop until they were very far down the road. The poor dog didn't have a chance the truck was going so fast. It seems the granddaughter was unloading a truck full of mulch and didn't bother to close the gate to the driveway. Sonny the dog was out with her and usually never leaves her side. For reasons we'll never know she wandered out into the street and her life ended gruesomely. the poor girl heard the dog yelp and saw the truck speeding away and then saw the body on the street. My friend heard her scream and ran out of the house. She said it was the worst thing she had ever seen, even with all the ER years she had under her belt as a nurse. I am just devastated for the young girl. That dog was her best friend and was what kept her stable for the most part (lots of family and personal issues which is why she was staying with her grandmother). I worry for her now. As much as a PIA she was to my friend, she didn't deserve to have her dog killed in front of her. I'm just so very sad for them both.
The thought of AL crossed my mind briefly, numb the pain of the past week and today etc. I thought of JohnnyH who fought through such horrible cravings yesterday brought on by the World Cup and all the partying right outside his front door. I just couldn't let him down by being so weak myself. I knew which utmost clarity that my sadness would decrease by tomorrow but if I drank tonite, I would still be sad and sick.
Unfortunately food took the place of AL and it wasn't on my Weight Watcher's plan.
I think I'm going to feed the kids and turn in very early tonite. I'm worn out and just want to go to sleep.
RIP Sonny. We'll all miss you very much puppy.

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Pap. I am taking an hour out of being a mum and a wife to catch up with my friends. I miss you guys when I cant spend time catching up on your lives. So everyone here - including the birthday girl - can do without for a while.
Sorry to hear about your job. Dont think your boss treated you very well either. She is supposed to support you, not let you do something wrong then tell you you are on your own if caught. If she knew you were doing wrong then she is just as much to blame. At least you didnt know it was wrong!
Hope your weight watchers is going well. I know you only have a certain amount of points each day, but if you go over, just be gentle and dont beat yourself up. At least you are not compounding the calories with wine as well! And you can get extra points by doing exercise.
Meech's idea about take away was one for thought. I have a latte three or four times a week which add up to $13 a week, $52 a month! Wow I have never looked at it like that. I could be saving $600 a year just by making a cuppa at home or work....... And add to that everything I am saving by not paying $15 a day for a bottle of wine.... It must be very concerning when you have to support yourself. Having a husband does make it so much more comfortable with his wage as well as mine. I know when I left my first husband I had to count every cent as I was only working part time and had a one year old and a four year old.
Horrible news about the dog - poor girl to have to witness that. I am glad you are aware that drinking wont numb the pain. It will just make it worse tomorrow and for alot longer too that you gave in. Just ask Mollyka. She is still kicking herself after her slip last month. For me AL intensified whatever I was feeling - be it joy, sadness, anger....
I know what you mean about forgetting what day you are on. I only know that I gave up on the 7th of January so just remember that and not actually how many days I havent had a drink for. (I just counted them 157!).
I have two people trying to talk to me and I am trying to ignore them. I would have thought if they could see me typing while they are talking they would stop but they arnt. So looks like my time is up. And I still want to catch up on Meech......... such is the life of a mother and wife!!!
So take care and keep whipping that beast's butt.
Hippy

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

HI HC,
so glad to hear the birthday weekend went well for you not so little girl!! A preteen-lucky you!! You're not the only one who hadn't seen Mama Mia LOL!! I'm not a movie or theater goer-no culture here-just dog shit!!

Actually it was the HR director not my boss. My boss is not going to be happy about this when she gets back from vaca next week and finds out, exp. since the HR director didn't see fit to give her a heads up!!

I'm feeling much better today. Still feel very badly for my friend and her granddaughter and I tossed and turned all night as I couldn't get the description of poor Sunny out of my head. I just hugged my guys tight and promised them they would never suffer a similar fate.

I went way over my points last nite but probably didn't do as much damage as I could have so yes, starting new today.

Rainy dreary day today so great for working on that awful budget. It was too busy at the Real Estate office yesterday to work on it so today's the day.

You had family trying to talk to you while you typed, I have a very persistent and whiny dog trying to get my attention and he's about to escalate into full scale high pitched barking. Whoops, too late!! TTL!!

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Ready for the Week

What a lovely day today. Not weather wise but that's partly what made it so lovely. I was able to work on some things inside without feeling guilty.
Didn't get out of my jammies all day. Kind of backfired when a neighbor came calling to have me sign a petition - I was a fright to see I'm sure!!
Had a nice leisurely breakfast, read the whole Sunday paper then got busy doing dishes and cleaning the house. After lunch I got busy with my budget. I was able to contact my cable company and get $44 dollars off my monthly bill by reducing my services just enough to keep me comfortable but get rid of the bells and whistles. That helped a lot plus the realization that not buying a bottle or 2 of wine every nite really does add up in the savings department. I only have to find $46 more to shave and then I'm balanced. Doesn't help with putting away money for a car payment but I'll figure that out another time.
Made sure I visited MWO throughout the day as well to read and offer any help I could. Had lots of puppy time too. Could have probably taken the dogs for a walk but teh whole day kept threatening rain so I used that excuse not to clean up and go. I will really really try to get up early enough tomorrow morning to take them for a 30 min. walk at the College.
I'm a little anxious about this coming week without having to work 2 nights or go to agility on Thursday. I'm not sure what I'll do Mon and Wed nites but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Will definitely try to get the boyz out for a walk at least 2 nites this week.
I'm very happy to be in this place at this time. I'm grateful for a number of things today:
1. That I found MWO
2. That I found the strength to start and continue this journey
3. That my family is very supportive of me
4. That I have 2 jobs
5. That I made someone very happy today

Good nite everyone and have a great day tomorrow!!

:h

[techie]

My AF Journey Journal

Nite papmom. u can always get on chat for a bit Mon & Wed nites. I'd be happy to join u...john

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

thanks John. We'll see how I feel tonite. I'm going in a bit late because the highway I take is shut down for "police activity" and all the roundabout ways are bound to be bumper to bumper so I'll have to stay late and then stop for cat food. Hoping to get a dog walk in before 8 if it's not raining and then I'll see if I'm awake enough for chat. I've been on a couple of times and it's always been interesting!

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Papmom,

Great to be setting up the plan and sticking to it. You have managed to shave some excess spending I'm sure you get the budget all balanced soon. Hope the skies clear up and some sunshine comes your way.

Had a fantastic weekend. The weather was beautiful. Kids did great in their triathlon and I did a personal best. I had nothing left in the tank when I finished. Stiff today but pumped to get training for the next one.

Hippy - sounds like the party went well for the Birthday girl?

Touch base with you soon.
Meech

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Great Day!!

Today was a good start to the week with one minor blemish. I didn't have to go in until 10 because of a huge accident that had traffic backed up for almost 20 miles on the highway I take and all the alternate routes were backed up too.
Took a great 30 min walk with 2 colleagues at lunch and got some problems solved.
Because I can't go into my evening job until this legal thing is sorted out I was able to do some errands on my way home, including picking up a free tomato plant from a local freecycler.
The rainbarrel I bought last summer developed a leak this spring and I finally was able to contact the company to ask how to repair it. No definitive answer on that but they are sending me a brand new barrel and I get to keep the old one and try to repair it. Yea!!
Tonite when I got home I harnessed up the boys and headed for the track up the street. I started with jogging 1/2 lap then did a 1/2 lap walk. Then I repeated 3 more times!! I jogged 1/2 mile!! This is the first time since I was in High School that I've run this much! I'm so proud of myself for actually following through with my plan even tho it was late when I got home and for pushing myself past my comfort zone. Another bonus is the boyz are pooped! We'll all sleep well I think.
The blemish is that we got charged by a boxer who ran out of her yard on the way home. I saw her the minute she ran out into the street and yelled "shit!!". then tried to be the pack leader by yelling "NO" as the dog charged us. Didn't work. The owner came running out and kept trying to tell me his dog wouldn't bite: "She won't bite". I kept saying "He will!!" the owner thought I was saying his dog would bite and couldn't understand why I kept telling him she would!! It was so loud with all the barking and growling and I was trying to get my guys under control but it was hard. Finally he got it and kept apologising. I was so pissed I couldn't even answer him. I just walked away. It was the 2nd time his dog has charged us in 2 years.
I can't even make a complaint because I'm in violation of city law by having 3 dogs. Guess I'll just have to accept that this is going to happen again.
Anyway, all in all a great day. Now to feed the pack and go to bed!!

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Papmom.
Sounds like you are doing really well. Good to be able to tackle your budget and remove surplus things. I am hopeless when it comes to budgeting. If I stop spending for a week or two, I feel I need a reward so I go and spend some money! I must have been taught the values of rewards when I was a kid as everything I do or dont do requires a reward. I can see my mum with my kids offering rewards for EVERYTHING. Eat your dinner = reward. Do well at school = reward. Play nicely with your cousins = reward. Clean your room = reward. All of these things I feel they should just do anyway without need for a reward. If they hurt themselve = reward. A cuddle would do better I think. Maybe this is why I have always had issues with food and alcohol.
You are doing so well with exercise too. Keep it up and you will be able to join Meech in her next triathlon!
Will call in again tomorrow.
Hippy

[mama bear]

My AF Journey Journal

hi pap....just checking in....love your thread!!