My AF Journey Journal

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hee Hee DG- I think you should!! I'm thinking the exercises on the SR website will probably be very helpful although quite similar to what we do here at MWO with our different threads but i'll give it a try.

I know how well WW works but for some reason this time around I can't stick to it. I can't stick to anything except not drinking and that is tenous at the moment. I can't get this "hole" out of my mind. I keep trying to fill it and it ain't working. Maybe it's time for some formal counseling. My mind is still open to AA. I think I will go to the meeting on Thursday nite even tho it will be hotter than hell in there but the women were so nice and I'm actually looking forward to the new lesson. Maybe I'll win a copy of the big book with the raffle this week!!

This is the week for spending all my money I guess-out with the old, in with the slightly used. New used car and I just got back from buying a new used refridgerator, all reconditioned and cleaned. Only a few years old. GE profile bottom mount freezer (ha ha LM-no more stealing food from the fridge :H). My fridge has got to be 20 years old and is an energy hog. This "new" one doesn't have the energy star label but it will work better than the one I have and OH!! the room!! I seriously think that I won't lose anything to the abyss anymore (it helps that the light works!!). Free pick up, free delivery and they are even switching the door opening for me. Under $500 too. What a deal (I hope). Oh and although I could pay for the whole thing right now, I opted to do the 12 month 0% interest bit to give me a little flexibility. It will be about $39/month.

That's it for a long long while. No more big expenditures-gotta pinch those pennies.

Going out to western mass tomorrow afternoon to visit the bro and SIL and neph but mainly so they can check out the new ride. They need to find a new car themselves and they are interested in the Outback. Hopefully it's a bit cooler out there. We've had rain this afternoon and all it did was create steam.

MollyK-good to know the lilies survived-I'll be so happy next spring if mine are still alive, the fish too. Do you have pics of your pond?

Thanks Meech-yes it is a bit of an oasis in the city and I quite like it but I do long for more land and lots of trees around the yard. Someday.

HC-Good luck today!! ((( )))

:l

[tantangra]

My AF Journey Journal

Popmom, I have also been pigging out on rubbish. I bought two packets of jelly babies on Monday and had eaten both before I arrived home 30 minutes later. I know it's better than booze but it's still pretty bad for the bod. Anyway I keep telling myself , baby steps baby steps, one thing at a time. I have stopped drinking Al and have last month stopped the caffiene, I'm going to give myself a little time before I give up the sweet things altogether. The triggers to self medicate are still there for me. Like you anger will tip me over as will being alone for too much time. I begin to justify the pig out just like I used to with the grog.
By the way, I like your pond and I like your new car, the OUTBACK. You're driving and Outback and I'm living in the Outback. Enjoy your day.

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Tant-so nice to hear someone else is having the case of the junk food cravings. Why the L-glut and the GABA are not working for this I have no idea. It must be more psychological than physical or chemical. I have to find out what the issue is.
LOL about the name of my car and where you live!! I'm sure there is an Aussie connection for Subaru to name it that. thank you for liking my pond. I do too!! Next I'll have to post pics of my very small veggie garden which is growing by leaps and bounds with the hot weather and occasional rain.
Have a good day!!:l

[mollyka]

My AF Journey Journal

Morning Paps, I find if I am in anyway struggling with the grog I do turn to eating rubbish. Maybe I should but I don't fight it cos ANYTHING is better than drinking. Invariably when the bad thoughts go away my appetite goes back to normal. We are addicts which I think can make us a bit obsessive about everything, don't worry about too many things at the same time.
I have photos of my pond, I have a computer, I have access to MWO, now how to put photos, computer and MWO together???? NOT A CLUE!! I'm a computer dinosaur!!
Hey Tant!
Molly

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi MollyK-couldn't sleep!! DG told me how to post pics. Get yourself a free Image hosting, free photo sharing & video sharing at Photobucket account, upload your photos to that. Once done, you'll see right under each photo, codes to be able to post the pics to different sites: FB, MySpace, bulletin boards etc. You'll want to copy the IMG code for your pic then paste it in your reply. Good Luck-can't wait to see them!!

As far as the junk goes, my mind hasn't quieted since I started this journey. Even with the health scare I couldn't stop eating the stuff. I'm hoping I had my fill last nite adn that I'm sick of waking up at 3am (wasn't that supposed to go away with the AL??? ) although this is the first nite I wasn't able to get back to sleep. and I have to drive to my bro's tomorrow!! Good thing I can sleep in this morning but will sacrifice the doggie walk and/or some chores. Shite (love the "across the pond" curse words heh heh heh!!).
:l

[mollyka]

My AF Journey Journal

Paps, hope you've gone asleep by now and you get this in your morning. Will try the photobucket stuff at the weekend - sounds a bit scary tho!! you have NO idea how bad I am at all this!!
Are you still having trouble sleeping? I found I had to resort to sleeping pills (just a half of one) took them for a couple of weeks and the AD I'm taking the doc told me it would help me sleep and it seems to be working cos haven't taken a sleeper for 4 nights and have slept pretty well.
Enjoy yourself at your brothers
Molly

[Pie]

My AF Journey Journal

papmom3;909829 wrote:
I think I've traded one addiction for another. I was so annoyed at him that instead of going home and taking a couple of dogs out for a short walk, which is what I should have done, I went to the market and bought a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Got home, fed and pottied the dogs (was actually annoyed when they lingered outside too long-I wanted my ice cream!!) and came in and proceeded to eat the whole damn thing!! And don't think I won't have a hangover tomorrow-I sure will but it will only affect my lactose intolerant tummy. The only good thing is that eating ice cream doesn't affect my typing skills!!

God!! When will this insanity end? If it isn't AL, its food!!

Hi Pap,

What you said above, about trading addictions, what's changed about how you eat?

Pie

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Pie, the biggest difference has been the incredible sugar cravings that have not subsided since going AF despite taking supplements that are supposed to curb them. I have always had a little bit of a sweet tooth but I guess the AL satisfied it. I have also been a huge fast food junkie all my adult life due to my careers. Now I'm in a job where I have time to shop, cook and make decent meals and I still don't.
Now when I'm upset or stressed or bored I reach for the sugar or fast food instead of the AL.
I've decided that I have to treat Mickey D's and BK the same as I treat the liquor stores: like poison. Wish me luck.
On a positive note, I made the trip out to see my Bro, SIL and neph this afternoon. Weather was misty/rainy but finally cool. I took one of my dogs with me and we went to the driving range and mini golf course. I had a blast watching my 4 almost 5 yo nephew hold the club like a hockey stick and whack the balls. He's actually pretty good!! It was pure heaven to see how excited he got explaining to me how the different holes work, esp the ones that drop down 1 or 2 levels. He just thought that was so cool. We had a neat moment when we saw a bunny on one of the holes and my dog almost took my arm off trying to get it. Who knew papillons were bunny killers :H. My nephew thought that was pretty funny to watch.

I did pretty good today with the eating: Good breakfast, made a lunch to eat on the way (ok it did include chips). On the way home I stopped and got a diet root beer and a homemade cookie. Not the best choices I admit but they were good!! Once home I microwaved a Tyson pork roast-4 min to cook, not bad and steamed some broccoli. The meat was high in sodium due to the gravy but at least it was wholesome and I just don't see myself actually cooking a roast, esp not in this heat. Anyway, I felt Sooooo much better after dinner. I think the key is the veggies, no carbs. I did finish off the chocolate cake I bought last nite but it didn't taste as good as it did last nite so i think the veggies did the trick. Just need to remember that. The dinner also took care of my AL thinking. For the first time in a long time I actually looked at the liquor store that I passed and had a twinge of regret. The beast tried to trick me by trying to tell me it wouldn't matter if I went back to having my wine at nite. Aren't you sick of water he asked? Aren't you bored? Who cares if you drink? 3/4 of america drinks and are fat too. They seem to be doing just fine. Just watch it when you go to family get togethers and parties and eat more veggies and fruits when you're not hungover.

Oh, he is a sneaky beast. Almost fell for it. As soon as I finished dinner all those thoughts went away and all my reasons for being AF came to the forefront. I also did some organizing and cleaning. Ha!! Take that Beast!!
There will be no AL for me tonite!!

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi Pie, the biggest difference has been the incredible sugar cravings that have not subsided since going AF despite taking supplements that are supposed to curb them. I have always had a little bit of a sweet tooth but I guess the AL satisfied it. I have also been a huge fast food junkie all my adult life due to my careers. Now I'm in a job where I have time to shop, cook and make decent meals and I still don't.
Now when I'm upset or stressed or bored I reach for the sugar or fast food instead of the AL.
I've decided that I have to treat Mickey D's and BK the same as I treat the liquor stores: like poison. Wish me luck.
On a positive note, I made the trip out to see my Bro, SIL and neph this afternoon. Weather was misty/rainy but finally cool. I took one of my dogs with me and we went to the driving range and mini golf course. I had a blast watching my 4 almost 5 yo nephew hold the club like a hockey stick and whack the balls. He's actually pretty good!! It was pure heaven to see how excited he got explaining to me how the different holes work, esp the ones that drop down 1 or 2 levels. He just thought that was so cool. We had a neat moment when we saw a bunny on one of the holes and my dog almost took my arm off trying to get it. Who knew papillons were bunny killers :H. My nephew thought that was pretty funny to watch.

I did pretty good today with the eating: Good breakfast, made a lunch to eat on the way (ok it did include chips). On the way home I stopped and got a diet root beer and a homemade cookie. Not the best choices I admit but they were good!! Once home I microwaved a Tyson pork roast-4 min to cook, not bad and steamed some broccoli. The meat was high in sodium due to the gravy but at least it was wholesome and I just don't see myself actually cooking a roast, esp not in this heat. Anyway, I felt Sooooo much better after dinner. I think the key is the veggies, no carbs. I did finish off the chocolate cake I bought last nite but it didn't taste as good as it did last nite so i think the veggies did the trick. Just need to remember that. The dinner also took care of my AL thinking. For the first time in a long time I actually looked at the liquor store that I passed and had a twinge of regret. The beast tried to trick me by trying to tell me it wouldn't matter if I went back to having my wine at nite. Aren't you sick of water he asked? Aren't you bored? Who cares if you drink? 3/4 of america drinks and are fat too. They seem to be doing just fine. Just watch it when you go to family get togethers and parties and eat more veggies and fruits when you're not hungover.

Oh, he is a sneaky beast. Almost fell for it. As soon as I finished dinner all those thoughts went away and all my reasons for being AF came to the forefront. I also did some organizing and cleaning. Ha!! Take that Beast!!
There will be no AL for me tonite!!

[mollyka]

My AF Journey Journal

Paps, you sound good and strong. Even back in the day my need for booze eased after eating - I used to leave my dinner til real late so I could carry on drinking longer - more often than not not having the dinner at all and conking out in a stupor on the couch, freezing, waking up at 3AM HORRIBLE! I have to keep remembering the feeling!
Glad you had a lovely day with your bro and his family, I now LOVE doing normal things sober - I feel so sort of functional!!
Have a lovely day Paps and will check in after work
Molly

[Hippy Chick]

My AF Journey Journal

Hi there.

You are sounding really strong. Well done. It's not always easy, but you will get to a place where it is easier. Just remember :lalala:

Hip

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Awe Hip-thanks for the reminder!! I had forgotten about that little guy!!

Molls, thanks too. I feel much better today. hope it last throughout.

Gotta run and take the pups for a walk before the coolness disappears!!

:l Pam

[Meech]

My AF Journey Journal

Glad you had a great day with the family. Sounded like fun.

GREAT JOB at listening to your inner voice and not the AL Beast voice! :goodjob::happy:

Eating is a huge key to crushing those cravings. I have purposely (like Molly) avoided food even when I was STARVING so that I could drink. Brutal. Good job Papster!

And the diet thing. I think small steps is the way to go here. With AL you pretty much have to quit completely. But with food. If you can introduce veggies bit by bit it will grow into a bigger part of your entire food planning.

For every sugary or bad choice you have to equally add a veggie to your day.
One Cookie = 1 serving of veggies
chips = another serving of veggies
Something like that. Then when that gets comfortable up the anty (spelling). Then it's two servings of veggies. Make a deal with your taste buds!

Have a great day. hope it stays cool for you. I am very very proud of you beating the Beast again. :l

[papmom3]

My AF Journey Journal

Hey Meech-thank you so much for the encouragement and tips. I think I can do that!! It's a deal: one cookie-one veggie/fruit. Chips? Same. I'm already 2 servings behind today LOL!!!
Tomorrow will be tough-I have to make zucchini brownies for our Christmas in July celebration on Monday in my office, my first day back. Oh geez. I think I'll immediately freeze them- IN MY NEW FRIDGE!!!!-and take them out Monday morning. Hopefully they will be defrosted by the afternoon.

Fishies are in their new pond!!! I hope I count 8 tomorrow morning!!

This weekend is wicked busy-Saturday is the annual meeting of the papillon club I joined in April. It's being held at the treasurer's lakeside cottage in Rhode Island. I understand it's really pretty. I just hope it won't be too hot. Too bad the cottage isn't on the ocean!! No dogs invited interestingly enough but it's OK to get away from them for a short time.

Sunday is my second agility trial about an hour away. I'll be leaving Mickey and LM home for this one. A little nervous as we haven't had class in 2 weeks AND I'm going up against one of the other teams in my class. Sarah is about 27, tall, athletic and her dog Vega, a boston terrier, is really focused. We're all in the same height class. They are also competing on Sat so they will have warmed up in a way for Sunday while we're coming in cold. Vega and Koby absolutely hate each other so that should be a ton of fun. Trying to keep a light attitude about this. Koby has already titled so it doesn't really matter how we do. It's just practice as far as I'm concerned.

OK, going to go and cook something healthy as I'm getting slightly hungry.

:l Pam

[Pie]

My AF Journey Journal

Good Morning and Happy Friday, Pap!

Are you on vacation this week?

Pie