No More Butts...The Beginning..
Wow guys, the amount of support I am getting here is wonderful, it means so much to me, I honestly never thought I could do this.
Well Yesterday was hard...bloody hard.
Had HUGE fight with hubby (basically because he was being a wanker). So after all the shouting and rowing and frustration....I NEEDED a smoke....really NEEDED one....
My hands wereshaking, I was crying and I knew the only thing on earth that would make me feel better would be a smoke. My Kingdom for a smoke.
The thought of going to the shops for cigarettes crossed my mind...quite strongly actually....I decided I would wait 10 mins and see what happened. I calmed down a little bit and decided that I didn't NEED a smoke but I WANTED one...
The feeling was a little different
I did struggle with my emotions and the little addict voice in my head.
Nick O' Teen whispered..."Feck it...let me make you feel better" "Let me take away the upset and anger you feel, nobody does it better than me"
I was almost tempted....almost seduced.
Then I remembered his cold tight fingers clutching my chest in the mornings, the secret meetings in all weathers we used to snatch hiding like thieves, I remember how he used to always make me pay for everything no matter where I went, "I am an escort, you pay me for my time" he used to say.
I remember how he used to leave his mark on me...my teeth, under my eyes, my whole pallor...."it's only because I love you" he reassured.
I also rememebr how my kids hated Nick...."mum, I don't like Nick, he makes you smell funny and my friends say that Nick is dangerous and he will kill you Mum, please break up with him!"
So I spoke out loud to Nick........Told him to sling his hook and that coming to me with his soft spoken apologies and promises of a better life were falling on deaf ears.
I was over him...so OVER him and I NEVER wanted to see him again. He left with his tail between his legs.
I know he will keep trying, keep trying to lure me back, to entice me and tempt me....
But this girl has had enough of his lies and his abuse, his empty promises and his jealous stranglehold on me.
I am free now and living my life and there is no room for him anymore and to be honest.....what did I ever see in him anyway????
Wow guys, the amount of support I am getting here is wonderful, it means so much to me, I honestly never thought I could do this.
Well Yesterday was hard...bloody hard.
Had HUGE fight with hubby (basically because he was being a wanker). So after all the shouting and rowing and frustration....I NEEDED a smoke....really NEEDED one....
My hands wereshaking, I was crying and I knew the only thing on earth that would make me feel better would be a smoke. My Kingdom for a smoke.
The thought of going to the shops for cigarettes crossed my mind...quite strongly actually....I decided I would wait 10 mins and see what happened. I calmed down a little bit and decided that I didn't NEED a smoke but I WANTED one...
The feeling was a little different
I did struggle with my emotions and the little addict voice in my head.
Nick O' Teen whispered..."Feck it...let me make you feel better" "Let me take away the upset and anger you feel, nobody does it better than me"
I was almost tempted....almost seduced.
Then I remembered his cold tight fingers clutching my chest in the mornings, the secret meetings in all weathers we used to snatch hiding like thieves, I remember how he used to always make me pay for everything no matter where I went, "I am an escort, you pay me for my time" he used to say.
I remember how he used to leave his mark on me...my teeth, under my eyes, my whole pallor...."it's only because I love you" he reassured.
I also rememebr how my kids hated Nick...."mum, I don't like Nick, he makes you smell funny and my friends say that Nick is dangerous and he will kill you Mum, please break up with him!"
So I spoke out loud to Nick........Told him to sling his hook and that coming to me with his soft spoken apologies and promises of a better life were falling on deaf ears.
I was over him...so OVER him and I NEVER wanted to see him again. He left with his tail between his legs.
I know he will keep trying, keep trying to lure me back, to entice me and tempt me....
But this girl has had enough of his lies and his abuse, his empty promises and his jealous stranglehold on me.
I am free now and living my life and there is no room for him anymore and to be honest.....what did I ever see in him anyway????
For all of you out there that are trying to end your nicotine addiction, "don't quit quitting"... for so many of us, there is something that finally "clicks" into place, and that makes it "the quit that sticks".
roud:
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