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    #1

    ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

    I checked my cell phone messages today and had a strange one.

    Thought #1- Who is this???????????

    Thought #2- They sound drunk. They're slurring their words.

    Thought #3- Is that ME??????????


    Unfortunately, it was... I had TOO much to drink last night. Had some insights I felt were brilliant and I didn't want to forget them, so I called and left a message for myself.

    First of all, my thoughts weren't as profound as I felt in the moment. Secondly, I really, REALLY thought I was pulling off being mostly sober.

    I wanted to share this because it is a wake up call in so many ways. I was doing good AF, then went to modding pretty good, only to be back to square one lately.

    This is the kick in the pants I need to get back with the program. I am truly shocked at how I sounded. I don't like it. I don't want to be whoever was on the phone. I saved the message to remind me.

    I highly suggest to anyone who is struggling and feels they "are pulling it off", to call themselves and leave a VM to listen to when they are sober.

    My poor sober boyfriend.....
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    #2
    ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

    My husband threatened to Video record me when I was P**sed.

    When we were fighting I used to write down my reasons an a piece of paper so I could justify my position in the morning, as I knew I would not remember the next day.

    Trouble was I'd look at my scrawl next day and not understand what the hell I meant.
    Happy to be back

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      #3
      ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

      Yes, I had to start writing things down at night when drunk for the same reason. Hard to argue the next days battle when you don't even know what the heck you said the night before and your partner has a photographic memory.....ouch! Really felt like I was two different people.
      AF since April 19, 2010
      NF since Nov 10, 2000

      "One reason I don't drink is I want to know when I'm having a good time."
      -Lady Nancy Astor

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        #4
        ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

        Ruefully, I know that feeling Dayby.

        Comment

          #5
          ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

          Takeheart,
          I know exactly how you feel... I have heard myself drunk on a recording before (someone recorded me on my digital camera) - soooo not good.. I sounded like a crazy loon! I never want to go back there.. also looking at some photo's when drunk, I thought I looked all glam, and I felt confident - but looking back at the photo's I looked terrible, with that dazed drunken look in my eyes...!!
          At least like you said, it was a wake up call for you - good to see you back.. being AF we can keep our dignity!
          Katie xxx
          "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

          :groupluv:

          Comment

            #6
            ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

            Don't be so hard on yourself Takeheart, this was your pennydrop moment, your lightbulb moment.
            I too saw some videos of me when I was sloshed and its not a pretty picture.

            Comment

              #7
              ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

              Sorry Takeheart I did smile at the thought of phoning ones self drunk, did you phone anyone else? On a serious note it is probably a good thing this happened, a wake up call if you will. All up to you now, good luck.
              Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

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                #8
                ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

                That' reminds me a bit when I was younger and recorded myself singing onto a recording device just to find out when I played it back that I actually sounded aweful. Well.... I learnt my lesson and considered alternative career options. And as you can see, nearly 15 years later I still remember.

                The thinks we do when we're drunk. We could probably all write books about storys like that. Hopefully one day we can have a chuckle about these things and say, Well, that was a long time ago. I pray for all of us that this'll be the case.

                I wish I would have ever recorded some of the revelations I had when I was drunk. Similarly I also always thought they were genious until I woke up the next morning. Like putting that 1000 bucks onto black in roulette in the casino.
                AF since 15th March 2010

                The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

                Comment

                  #9
                  ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

                  This made me smile, then it made me recall all those late night conversations I've had with family/friends (who were sober!!) after 10pm the curfew time!!

                  Made a promise to self "never answer the phone after 10pm don't want the family to think you're drunk now do you"...but there's always that time when I think hey I haven't had that much and break the curfew only to regret it big time the next morning.

                  First thing to do is check how long did the call last.... 45 mins, bloody hell what did I find to talk about for that long to my Mum I speak to her every day???? Okay think, think, oh yes remember something about lunch at the weekend but that's okay probably arranging Sunday they always come over Sunday - will drop it in conversation later (when I'm sober) then there was something about taking her to a hospital appointment when was it again, ummm might be difficult to get round not remembering that one as i was sort of insistant that I'd take her and not my sister... and so the the rest of the hazy/blurry 45 mins conversation goes round and round in my head.

                  So although I've not recorded my drunken thoughts I've had many a flash back telephone convseration that I cringe at!!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

                    grangelady;855665 wrote: This made me smile, then it made me recall all those late night conversations I've had with family/friends (who were sober!!) after 10pm the curfew time!!

                    Made a promise to self "never answer the phone after 10pm don't want the family to think you're drunk now do you"...but there's always that time when I think hey I haven't had that much and break the curfew only to regret it big time the next morning.

                    First thing to do is check how long did the call last.... 45 mins, bloody hell what did I find to talk about for that long to my Mum I speak to her every day???? Okay think, think, oh yes remember something about lunch at the weekend but that's okay probably arranging Sunday they always come over Sunday - will drop it in conversation later (when I'm sober) then there was something about taking her to a hospital appointment when was it again, ummm might be difficult to get round not remembering that one as i was sort of insistant that I'd take her and not my sister... and so the the rest of the hazy/blurry 45 mins conversation goes round and round in my head.

                    So although I've not recorded my drunken thoughts I've had many a flash back telephone convseration that I cringe at!!
                    LOL! sorry but that reminds me of myself.. I remember (not the conversation details!) calling a friend and talking for over an hour! Now I am sober, I hardly call anyone anymore. which is a good thing I guess as I am no longer drunkenly rambling.. but I still need to pluck up the courage to call people sober..
                    "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

                    :groupluv:

                    Comment

                      #11
                      ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

                      cringe cringe....
                      Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.
                      AF since May 6, 2010

                      Comment

                        #12
                        ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

                        oh my god... this is all so familiar. awful memories coming back reading this. phone calls i havent got a clue ive made and strange spider like scrawl with 'really important' points i have written when drunk. im so glad those days are over
                        Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
                        Keep passing the open windows

                        Comment

                          #13
                          ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

                          I fancied myself a wonderful singer and dancer. I looked and sounded like an epileptic hyena. Hope you listen to that message whenever you think you can handle 'just one'.
                          sigpic
                          Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                          awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

                          Comment

                            #14
                            ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

                            aaaargh...I shudder to think how stupid I looked and sounded last night...

                            Comment

                              #15
                              ....a bit embarrassing, but.....

                              Phone calls, messages, texts, emails, posts on Facebook/Myspace....I've done it ALL...many times, only to wake up the next day in a panic wondering what exactly I said, who I called???? That was the worst feeling!!! I too thought I was a genius while intoxicated, tuned out I was just a drunken idiot. Glad those days are behind me.

                              Someone, you can't change the past, just work on not letting it happen again.
                              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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