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Addiction from a child's point of view

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    Addiction from a child's point of view

    Thought this might be of interest to some.


    BBC - Newsbeat - What's it like caring for a parent with an addiction?

    Imagine being 10 years old and having to cook, clean, wash-up, help your mum and dad around the house and even put them to bed, all after a day at school.

    That's the life of many young carers who are forced to look after parents who have a drink and drugs problem.

    The role at home is reversed - you're the parent and mum and dad are your responsibility.

    Newsbeat's spoken to a number of leading charities and found that there are now at least 520,000 under 18s living in homes like this all over the UK.

    They work as unpaid carers for their parents and have to juggle school exams and, if they can, some sort of social life, as well as looking after their mum and dad who are addicts.

    Eighteen-year-old Sarah's from Dundee and she told us her life changed when she was 10 years old.

    Both her parents have a problem with booze and drugs. Her dad eventually left home, leaving her to cope with her mum.

    She said: "When I was younger I'd worry at school and things like that 'cos I didn't know what was waiting for us when I got home.

    "My mum would either be sober and making my tea or whatever, other times she'd be just lying on the sofa being drunk.

    "I'd have to do all cleaning and stuff. I had to go grow up fast and was struggling at school.

    "There was one teacher who was really nice and she saw I was getting upset at school and falling behind in my work so I told her what was happening at home."

    Once Sarah had told someone about her mum's drinking she was put in touch with the Dundee Carers Centre in Scotland.

    "Before coming here I always hated sitting in with my mum when she was drunk but I had to because I couldn't leave her. I couldn't go out with my friends because I'd worry about her.

    "Once I started going to the Dundee Carers Centre, I was able to do a lot of activities there and not worry about my mum because they would make sure she was OK while I was away."

    Sarah started receiving help and support as a young carer after she was finally acknowledged as being one.

    Newsbeat spoke to Emma from Children of Addicted Parents and People (COAP) and she thinks the problem is that a lot of young people don't know they are carers.

    She said: "Unless parents who are addicts come forward and admit they have a problem or their children go to their friends house and realise, 'Hold on my mum and dad are not like their mum and dad' most people in this situation don't even realise something is wrong in their home.

    There are concerns that many young people aren't recognised as carers "So it's important people are open and talk about these things more. There needs to be more open forums discussing these issues and teachers also need to be on the lookout for signs."

    The National Addiction Centre released statistics showing there are about 3.4 million under 18s in the UK living with at least one binge drinking parent, 2.6 million with what's known as a hazardous drinker and around one million with a parent who uses illegal drugs.

    There are concerns from charities like Turning Point, Princes Trust, Barnardos and COAP that many young people are not being recognised as carers and are slipping under the radar of social services.

    Emma from COAP said: "There is no way charities and social services can get in touch with young carers unless parents come forward or someone sees there is a problem. The signs are often there we just have to look and listen out for them."

    More awareness of young carers is exactly what Sarah wants as well.

    She said: "I've spoken to Newsbeat so that people can hear what I've gone through and think, 'That sounds like my life, that sounds like what I do and that sounds like what my mum or dad does. I am a carer and I want to get some help.'

    "I was never put in care, I never wanted to be put in care. It's not what everyone wants - most of the time you just want help."
    sigpic
    AF since December 22nd 2008
    Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

    #2
    Addiction from a child's point of view

    Thanks Marshy,

    Very thought-provoking read.. makes me want to ensure I knock this on the head now.. luckily I have.. i rarely drink anymore (am aiming for abstinence now) - so I have always been able to look after my son.. still, its so sad that these kids are having to look after their parents.. AL affects everyone.. not just those of us addicted.. but it affects our families too and society..
    Katie xx
    "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

    :groupluv:

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      #3
      Addiction from a child's point of view

      That reminds me such a lot of my own childhood...and makes me thank God, my kids never saw me like that.. Thanks for posting Marshy x
      "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

      AF 10th May 2010
      NF 12th May 2010

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        #4
        Addiction from a child's point of view

        Thank's Marshy. Good post.

        'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

        Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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          #5
          Addiction from a child's point of view

          That's a good article to read. I'm so happy that I've made a decision to quit drinking for my children's sake. I really don't want them growing up with me being like that. My children are still young. One is only 7 months the other only 3 years. I really hope I'm getting a grip on things before they get to an age where they become conscious of my issues, constantly having been drunk around them.
          Sad article but glad having read it!
          AF since 15th March 2010

          The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

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            #6
            Addiction from a child's point of view

            Although I always provided for my child, I know there were times when I was emotionally absent, having her go off to her room to watch a movie so I could drink. I regret those times, and feel guilty, but all I can do is move forward. I'm thankful to say that both my daughter and I have noticed a positive change in our relationship since I quit drinking.
            :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

            Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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              #7
              Addiction from a child's point of view

              Thanks for posting this marshy.


              :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

              Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
              I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

              This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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                #8
                Addiction from a child's point of view

                Children phone 999 to report mother who was 'too drunk to stand up' | Mail Online
                "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

                AF 10th May 2010
                NF 12th May 2010

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                  #9
                  Addiction from a child's point of view

                  That's such a sad story.
                  sigpic
                  AF since December 22nd 2008
                  Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

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                    #10
                    Addiction from a child's point of view

                    Strange thing, but I had a 'retrospective' dream last night, back to feeling exactly how my childhood felt. It's impossible sometimes for adults to remember what being a child feels like. We're trying to speak to them from an adult standpoint, but that's not where they are. There is no easy answer to raising a child. At my age, I can see the flaws in what I did, but never in the absolute love I had for them. That wouldn't have been true if I had been so addicted to AL at that time, and unfortunately, it showed up when my children could really understand what was happening. Still, there was never a question about their safety, like there is for so many. My biggest heartache is worrying about the ones who haven't been heard, who haven't been saved. I just read a horrific story of a 4-year old, murdered by his step-father, after just arriving to spend the summer with his mother. I can't put words to this one. His picture looks like my grandson, (adopted, if that matters) who's parents were convicted addicts. Hubs and I both break down when we think where he'd be today if he hadn't found us. If you're young, have young children in your home, please. Try to think about the fact that once you brought them into the world, your wants and needs became second to theirs. While I do care about you, and what brought you here, it's a FACT a child is more important. I don't know another way to put it. If you're in the U.S. and have a concern about a child, contact CASA, children's advocates. We've worked with them for a while, and they have no agenda but the welfare of the child.
                    sigpic
                    Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                    awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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