Just another wannachange moan

[wannachange]

Hi boys and girls,

I am afraid something terrible happened last night which I am ashamed of but am not too sure how to put it down to words in a public forum, especially a forum like this, I did not drink that?s a good thing but I was feeling very very down, something in my mind made me do something inconceivable to me now, I am not going to say what but let?s just say it wouldn?t have done me any good if I had of continuing.
I went into the chat room because something told me to do that while I was going through this process and I got talking to a good friend whom I won?t name due to what was said during and after the talk, let?s just say stuff was said that should not have been said, and leave it at that.
My point is, I worried this person and as this person is going through the same as me it was completely uncalled for and I feel embarrassed and another feeling, what is it? Guilty... for putting this person through this.
Right now I feel like shit, I have never felt so down and out of place, I feel like I am a burden to people here who are trying to help themselves and in the process they have to listen to my shit, put up with my problems, as if they don?t have enough of their own.
There is no definite plan in my mind, no goals to achieve, I just want to get this off my chest and move on from here because if I didn?t do this I would never be able to move forward, I hope this makes sense.
Anyhow I am sure many of you are sick of listening to my moaning and groaning and attention seeking bullshite by now, as I said I have no definite plans but I am going to just lick my wounds for a while.
So many people here tried to help me, so many people are puzzled by my ups and downs and are, I assume, sick of it.
Now I just want time to pass very quickly so I can forget this ordeal and others can forget it too and maybe get some sort of stability back.
So I guess this is an apology and sort of a ?I have to do this on my own? post because any advice I got in the past few days, and trust me it was good advice, had gone unheeded.
I am not sure where this is heading or what I am trying to achieve with this post except so far as to say sorry and I can?t be like the ostrich in this case, I feel a little like the boy who called wolf, and nobody is going to listen anymore.
So I will leave it at that, and say sorry to those who tried to help this week and get me back on track, I feel I have let you down and I feel I have left myself down.
If you can make head or tail of this post then fair play to you, all I know is that I have to get it off my chest.
I wish you all the best of luck in your journey as it can sometimes be hell, and it can sometimes be heaven but I have yet to experience the latter feeling, maybe in a few months or whatever.

A lot of people will see this as a "aww poor wannachange, he needs a hug" or "awww wannachange we love you really", but I already know you do, so please don't think or say that but I can't keep contributing here in the state of mind I am in at the moment cause I will end up hurting someone or making them feel like doing something that they shouldn't do, like take up a bottle again.

Anyhow, that's all said now.

Wannachange

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Just another wannachange moan

Wanna, I dont know the details of your conversation last night, nor do I need to. We all say and do things that we regret in the light of day, it is the recognising of them that is important and the moving on but if you feel you need professional help as well then please do get it.
We come here of our own choosing and we contribute as much or as little as we wish too. You say you feel out of place and a burden, well you are not a burden to me or many others I here I wager. You say you have no goals, how about taking this ODAT and see how your life will improve. We all have up and down days, don't think you are any different. When we go AF in the early days our emotions are all over the place and don't forget just because we stop that all our problems go away, for they don't. In many ways it is harder because it is then that we a forced to face our problems, our demons without the aid of a crutch.
You have let nobody down, especially yourself, I am proud of the fact you had the strength of character to come here and bear your soul. You stood up and said I have had enough and I want to change "wannachange".
I hope you decide to stick around and also get the help you seek elsewhere if you feel you need it. You know there is much support for you here from people who care. I know I would be back in the bottom of a bottle if it weren't for WMO.

[stirly-girly]

Just another wannachange moan

Hi Wanna.
First and foremost, you cannot make someone take up the bottle, as you put it. Everyone here is responsible for their own actions and reactions. If you say something I don't like or you offend me, it is my own personal decision as to how I will deal with that. You cannot make that decision for me.
Secondly, many people here have gone or are going through something very similar to what you are at this time. Many people have managed to be AF, many people have not. You have managed to stay AF and good for you. But one thing for sure is that we all have our problems. Others talk about them, others don't. What this forum is, is a place for people who are battling the problem of alcohol in their lives to get together, exchange thoughts and experiences in the hope of helping themselves get to their goal as far as drinking goes, whether it be AF or moderation. And in helping themselves, they find that they reach out to help others too because they know that as much as they need support, so do the other members of this forum. So, you talk about your problems, you listen to the problems others have, you give support and you receive support. Plain and simple.
I personally have never noticed that you whine. What I have noticed is that you support people and add to our daily posting with a great sense of humour that other members have noted. That helps all of us. We all have our ups and downs and there is nothing better to help you get over a down moment than to log on here and see the friendly bantering that is going on and to get a good chuckle out of what is being said. And if you want to discuss why you're feeling down, there is always someone available to talk you through it and to help you feel better.
I'm not going to send you a hug or give you a pat on the head. But there is a place here for everyone as long as they are not insulting the other members. If you said something that was out of line and you hurt another member, an apology is called for, made and accepted. Done and over with. If the other person doesn't accept the apology, that is their problem. But don't think you will make anyone reach for a drink just because you said something that you shouldn't have. The choice of how they deal with what was said is theirs, not yours.
As you said, this journey can be hell or it can be heaven. Personally, I think that the heaven part will be a long time in coming. I'll settle for something less hellish than getting drunk every day and living that nightmare and if heaven comes along, then it's welcome.
Enough said. Just wanted to get this off my chest. We are all dealing with everyday problems plus the huge problem with alcohol on top of everything else. We all need as much help as we can get to deal with all of the shite. We like you. You like us. If it helps you to be here, then stick around. If you feel that you will be better without MWO, then that is your decision. If you leave, you will be missed. A lot.
Stirly:h

[techie]

Just another wannachange moan

Wanna, Of course here is techie's two cents. Look we all do and say hurtful things as we journey through the healing process. I've had my share of faux pas, and targeted poison posts that I regret dearly. I know I need to move on from that if I'm going to get better. The MWO program and its worldly members have taught me that MY sobriety is the MOST IMPORTANT thing. There will be many ups and downs on the road. However, I'm writing this to let you know something important. Prior to your signing on to MWO I was getting disillusioned with the process and struggling with an AF lifestyle. It was your story, the beer down the sink that restored my interest. Your posts are infectious. Your personality shines through and folks repond to you. That is a very powerful thing. That is someting you can find comfort in wannachange. Know this. You made a difference for me. I might not be here if not for you first post. Hang in there, and damn it, don't have techie on your doorstep too!