Recovering from an abusive relationship

[Change]

Recovering from an abusive relationship. Wasn't really physically abusive, just mentally and spiritually. The person i was with was constantly unsurping me with sudden actions (eg, moving interstate, engaging my loyalty and then turning to side with the person i'd stupidly engaged against) and never let me feel comfortable and relaxed in it. Throughout our 'relationship', she would say (when i complained), "i never asked you to do that", or whatever, and never really took responsibility.

When i first met this girl (this little girl at that), i had a bit of baggage (to do with my sister's death, nothing else). I was also a nice and understanding person.

Now, i just feel like an empty shell of a person.

Also, after the cessation of my job, i feel lost in the world. I go to sleep on my own and feel almost foresaken. I live on my own, so it is hard to cope emotionally sometimes, as i don't have a ready made support system. The ex moved up to Queensland (with a friend), so has a 'support system'.

Sure, i can ring my mum etc., but i don't want to weigh her down with emotional drama.

The other morning, i woke up at 4am with a complete sense of loss of control. I think i was having an anxiety attack. I just feel generally lost in life, and the job loss hasn't helped either. Not to mention, i'm beginning to feel that ex was attracted to my outgoing, vivacious personality, which isn't like that anymore. It's almost as if i'm on the bottom rung and aren't as 'attractive' (as a friend) anymore.

So, not only am i dealing with the job loss, i'm also dealing with abandonment and rejection. Really nice!

I don't mean to bog anybody down with emotional drama, just wondering when this feeling is going to end. I'm wondering whether it's possible to start again at 40?! I really feel like i have no use in the world, esp. as my job has ended. It's really hard to keep going every day in some ways, as the negativity starts getting ahold.

I know i shouldn't be resentful, but i can't help it when i think of the ex and how she is happy in her new life. It's like she kept me waiting around until she was more established and now has no conscience telling me where to go. I feel like a bit of a fool actually.

I hate looking for a job, and when i get my act together, i will look for a counsellor.

[daybyday]

Recovering from an abusive relationship

Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time right now Change. Sounds like a counsellor would be a great idea for you to start with. I saw one for 2 years and it really does help give you better clarity into your life. :lTake care of yourself.

[Cinders]

Recovering from an abusive relationship

Change,

I understand the job loss issue. I define myself by my work. Lately I have learned to hate it and can't find a new position.

At the same time, I can't just quit the job I have.

As far as the woman who rejected you, I think us alcoholics are "people pleasers" and when we "fail" at that, it hurts.

We didn't fail. We just don't mesh. I am learning that much.

btw, :welcome: and hope you can Change and find your way out.

Cindi

[Change]

Recovering from an abusive relationship

Thanks girls It was a same sex relationship, i failed to mention that, old habits die hard i guess.

I just realised that most alc's are probably women. Why is that?

My triggers are running wild today! I don't know why, i am caught between an 'i don't care' attitude and knowing that i have to stick to my guns. Esp. given my health situation (scared of pancreas problems etc.).

Took half an antidepressant this morning, i wonder if it's worked? For some reason i feel slightly better this afternoon

I think it's the placebo effect.

[Marshy]

Recovering from an abusive relationship

Hi Change,

It's not surprising you're feeling bad after a relationship ends and you lose your job. Counselling sounds like a good plan - and AA is always there if you need people to talk to, unless you have objections to AA.

I know it's difficult but you need to forget the ex - people can ruin your life even if they are no longer in it if you let them. And you'll also feel much better when you find a job - and could maybe consider voluntary work in the interim so at least you're busy and not sitting at home brooding on everything?

[hippie37]

Recovering from an abusive relationship

Although I didn't actually get to the stage of being in a relationship I'm in pretty much familiar territory with the feelings you've expressed here Change.

I literally only 10 minutes ago posted about it in the Guy's Group.
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f3...tml#post862759

It's hard not to feel hurt, rejected, angry and sad when you know you've invested a lot of yourself into a relationship, even a friendship.

Many Blessings
Love and Light
Phil
xx

[rubywillow]

Recovering from an abusive relationship

Change, a relationship is a relationship. It's great you shared the details of your sex, but what it all comes down to is 2 people trying, hopefully, to make things work. I've never been alone in my life. Went from sleeping with my sister to my marriage bed, almost 40 years ago. I am constantly surrounded by family, friends, so sometimes I crave aloneness. But I can't imagine your loneliness. This will take one day at a time. Yes, you have to find income. And a counselor would be fantastic. But also, I'd suggest, look around you, at your community. Where can you become involved, engaged? I work with children, the elderly and animals, when I can. It is SO fulfilling to help others who's needs I can see are so much more than mine. Also, helping others takes our mind off ourselves. Get up, blow the stink off (:H), and get involved in the world. We never know what treasures the next day will bring, but we have to get out there to experience them. It's hard when we've established a routine that keeps us down. A rut. The new catch word is 'networking'. And it does work. You've found this place, and I can't tell you what it has done for me.
Best of luck, but mostly we make our own. If I can help you, let me know.
Rubes

[Guest]

Recovering from an abusive relationship

Change

I'm 35 and single live alone after a string of boyfriends, as well as medium term relationships. Oh and no children. Since I stopped drinking I've spent a lot of time alone although towards the end I drank alone anyway. I don't feel lonely as I've so much going on. By that I just mean living in general, day to day stuff and when that isn't going on I'm posting on here, watching iplayer or just chilling out. I'm using a counsellor as well as just enjoying this sober time. If someone comes along to share this with me that's fine but for now living is really quite good.

I too used to think I'd wasted most of my life and that it was too late. It isn't - my mother made a massive career change/step up in her mid 50s so there is nothing you can't do at 40!