You're Nothing Special

[hippie37]

One of the illusions I bought into early in my recovery was that I was somehow different from other people. Why would I not think that when 'normal' people can drink socially and enjoy a drink then stop. I couldn't. This I thought made me different from these 'normal' drinkers. This gave me permission to think of myself as unique. "I have an illness" "I have a different brain chemistry" "My DNA make up is different" etc etc. We all address our alcoholism in different ways according to our beliefs. But at the end of the day we are all human beings with feelings and emotions. The only difference is I chose to drink on them.

When you think of yourself as different from other people you cut yourself off from feeling inclusive in your relationships, friendships, communities and society at large. All our friends, family members, loved ones etc all have the same feelings we do. The only difference is they chose to deal with them in a healthy manner.

The only difference today is that, I chose not to drink and feel the pain at times rather than be dull to that pain. vice versa where I'd rather be feeling the joys of life without the need to be snorting coke or taking e's.

I'm having one of the hardest weeks I've had since I got sober right now. I'm feeling great sadness and relief at the same time. It's a strange feeling to have. But I'd rather have this and deal with it like any person would than be out numbing it with alcohol and drugs. This is called growing up I believe!

So if you start thinking that you're something special or different from others let me tell you this: YOU'RE NOT! Guess what? We ALL die some time.

Many Blessings
Phil
xx

[Guitarista]

You're Nothing Special

Good point, but we sure are amazing!......;-)

[hillsidetime]

You're Nothing Special

Hi Phil, I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. We all have periods where doubt, or sadness, social events, make it more difficult to avoid our old habits - hold fast. It has helped me to read your post this morning. I am starting to understand that I too, want to feel the pain and the joy, and not dull the emotions of life. The only difference I feel between me and others, is that I used chose to drink too much, and too often, for too long - week in and week out. Now the difference is that I chose not to drink. This new difference, has allowed me to make my relationships better, and improve my mental wellness.

I hope that you feel better soon,
Hill

[Meech]

You're Nothing Special

Hippie,

I'm sorry you are dealing with some saddness. I just lost a brother unexpectedly not too long ago. But i am dealing with the grief sober.

At first I wasn't and I found that when I woke up the next day hungover the emotional pain and depression was horrific. Far worse than if I would have faced it sober. AL numbs it for a while (or sometimes when I was drunk it made it worse not numbing at all). Then the next day was filled with a great deal more depression, regret, shame, not to mention physically feeling awful too.

No one in life is spared from some kind of tragedy or issues. That's what life is. Good, bad, ugly and then hopefully more good. We do need to grow up and face the bad with the good.
Great thread. I hope you can get through this week. Stay strong.

[greeneyes]

You're Nothing Special

Sorry it's a tough week for you, phil. I'm glad for you though because I know you'll come out on the other side and hopefully share your growth experience with us. You're so good at that and....I (for one) think you're special.

[tlrgs]

You're Nothing Special

yep life is a bull ride with all its highs and lows but the thing is ..is to deal with them as clear headed as you can be .. sober is the key and you have found it buddy thankx for sharing

[rubywillow]

You're Nothing Special

Phil, 'You The Man'!! There aren't enough words to express how I've been affected by your journey, and since they say one reply, etc. equals 20 or more who've read it, imagine how far reaching your amazing journey goes. I know you started out with one goal. But in the interim, you have inspired. That's another burden, to be 'on call' all the time. But I so admire the way you went after what you wanted to change, and did it.
Don't go to far from us, OK?

[rubywillow]

You're Nothing Special

Phil, 'You The Man'!! There aren't enough words to express how I've been affected by your journey, and since they say one reply, etc. equals 20 or more who've read it, imagine how far reaching your amazing journey goes. I know you started out with one goal. But in the interim, you have inspired. That's another burden, to be 'on call' all the time. But I so admire the way you went after what you wanted to change, and did it.
Don't go to far from us, OK?

[KateH1]

You're Nothing Special

Hi Phil,
I hope you are feeling better.....you are such a dear.

Great food for thought here, no surprise....you always make me think!

Feeling different, alienated, affects so many of us. I spent years feeling this way, due to circumstances beyond my control ( I was a child), I also learned to turn off my feelings. I discovered drinking when I began college and figured out quite quickly this miracle drug could do for me, what I had to do for myself in the past. Well....years later, the miracle became my curse!

I am happy to day that these days, I have learned to accept my feelings......all of them! I now understand that down days are part of life and that I can handle them far better sober than drinking. Yeah! As the great philosopher Kahlil Gibran wrote....."It is from the well of our deepest sadness that our greatest joy also comes"

Be well, my friend!

[johnnyh]

You're Nothing Special

Hi Phil,

Sorry to hear you're having a tough week.

I feel you on the sadness and joy at the same time. I went through similar emotions this week, yesterday particularly.
Felt very bluesy, My first thought was AL, drowning it out. (You're a lot further down the track than me I might mention). I knew I wouldn't and though I was grateful that I wasn't going to drown it out and knew the regrets tomorrow would be much worse, but at the same time I had to deal with the issues and this was tough. I also felt a bit sad that I couldn't just have a drink like normal ppl might when they had a tough day or just want to realax at night and wind down.

Well, that's not me unfortunately and I have to deal with it.

Hope you feel better today Phil!!

Be blessed.

[Rags]

You're Nothing Special

Hello Hippie,
Gee, you cut a few similar chords with me with your post.
It is indeed a great journey we are undertaking.