Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

[Cait1lin]

I'm new to the forum, but am here seeking input about where people who are not alcoholics can find support in stopping drinking.

I am in my late 30's and have been drinking socially since I was 14. Frankly, I am just tired of it. Drinking is not enjoyable to me the way it once was. Being under the influence makes me feel stupid. I have some medical problems (not drinking related) which have led me to want to be as healthy as I can be. I also have a young child and feel that drinking, even in moderation, makes me less of a role model for him. So, long story short, I think this is a good time in my life to get rid of my unhealthy drinking habit.

However, almost everyone I know drinks socially, including my husband. Nearly every social event I attend involves alcohol. We always have wine or beer in our house, and we have a habit of drinking wine with dinner or a beer in the yard on sunny weekend afternoons. I find it very hard to reject a drink when it is sitting in front of me and the person or people I am with are drinking. I also have to admit that I frequently have a glass or two of wine to "relax" after work. It would be better if I went on a walk or something else, but having a glass of wine is just an easy solution at the end of a long day.

I think that it would be useful to have a support group and some pointers on how others like me have broken the drinking habit, but I have never heard of any such support group other than AA. I would feel ridiculous going to AA and telling my story to people who have dealt with significant strife due to their alcohol addictions. Is there any resource out there for people who have a lifelong habit of having alcohol in their lives but whose lives are not torn up by alcohol?

Thanks for any input.

[tiptronic_ct]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Welcome to MWO, Cait1lin. You'll find lots of support here.

Let's not worry about labels for now, shall we?

Have a look at the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html which has lots of advice on steering clear of temptation.

[Guest]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Don't feel silly it's amazing how many drinkers do have devastation in their lives because of AL - but they don't realise it or it simply hasn't happened yet. I was like "Well I'm not homeless and have an income, haven't traumatised any children or driven under the influence so how can I be the same as these alcoholics".

Well within 12 months I'd driven under the influence and almost killed some children. I never lost my home (although it may have contributed to me having to move once or twice) nor my income but I simply lost 'me' and it was pretty terrible.

Look for the similarities not the differences. On here we all have good reasons to stop drinking and many similar stories. What kept us in drink was thinking we weren't "that" bad, that we were ok when we weren't.

Lots of good info on here.

[not tonight]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Hi Cait1lin and welcome. Drinking is a ubiquitous part of our society, just always present. I commend you for wanting to make a change now. When I was in my 30's I drank socially, almost never at home and did not see it as a problem. However at some point things escalated, and now at 43 I know that I must give up all together or my life will fall apart eventually. Now I was still able to "function" as a drinker. Run my own architectural practice, married with 2 great children, etc. But the social drinking evolved into a habit and that habit then morphed into a progressive need to drink. If left unchecked, it will undo all that I have built up. I wish that when I was your age I had said "You know I'm just tired of this". You have a great opportunity.

[Rags]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Welcome Caitlin,
I too drank socially, had wine, bubbles or beer with the evening meal, sometimes went to the pub for lunch with workmates etc etc. The insidious thing was that drinking more and more creeps up on you, and as you say it's an easier solution to unwinding than going for a walk or something. It's great that you want to make some lifestyle changes now. Now is the very best time to start. Wish I'd realised what was slowly happening to me when I was your age.
Read through the threads to get some ideas, but really, it is the slight changes in your approach and attitude that will do the trick for you. A lot of people fill their mind with how hard it is to cut down or stop. Think that way and it will be. Think positive things, work out a couple of strategies to cut down drinking. It gets easier and easier to say "no thanks" and after the initial "oh" , people really don't care that we aren't drinking. And you don't have to give them a story to go with the no thanks unless you want to. Funnily enough I started saying "no thanks, I've been drinking a bit much lately and want to cut down a bit"... Nice and friendly and no-one raised an eyebrow.
Oooohhh I've gone on too long.
Again, welcome to MWO

[Rags]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Hey Caitlin... you could also use not tonights name and say ..."not tonight..."

[johnnyh]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Hi Caitlin,

Welcome to the forum.

I stand with Tippster, don't worry about labels for now. You'll find lots of support here, irrespective where you are in your walk, what exactly your drinking habits are.

We are all trying to break the 'habit' here in the end and our stories are all different in terms of severity, etc.

Good luck.

[Sweaty Betty]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Hi Caitlin.

When I first came to MWO, I wasn't sure how much of an issue I had with alcohol, but that I wanted to stop and was finding it tough.

Do you have any AF days? If not try having one, and see how you do, or you may want to try for 4 AF days etc. its really up to you.

Realising how difficult it was for me to go without daily alcohol, mostly wine, mostly to 'unwind' made me realise I did have a real issue.

Everyone here is different, but as lots of members have said, there is support and lots of information.

Take Care, Bets
x

[mollyka]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

I don't think this is specifically an 'alcoholics' forum, it is for people who have a problem with alcohol and presumably if you came on here, you have a problem with alcohol.
Just keep reading and posting, we are all in the same boat.
Molly

[girly wirly]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

hi caitlyn

welcome to mwo

i'm with tippster too (fantastic, wise words tips, spot on!)

who cares about whether we have the label, just concentrate on the fact each of us here do not want to drink, addicted or not. the main thing is you are here.

look in that tool box, some great tips! good luck on your mission!
:welcome:

[LaReese]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

I did not consider myself an alcoholic either but I did drink almost everyday (never falling down drunk but had at least 5+ drinks dailey). On February 16th of this year and at the age of 73 I decided to quit the booze. It has been 101 day AF and I feel great! Good luck to you and please don't wait until your are 73. Everyone is here to support you. And, never be ashamed of having a bad day. You are not alone in your quest. Remember to take it one day at a time.

[Doggygirl]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

For many years I was SURE I was not an alcoholic. In retrospect, I wish I had accepted my alcoholism many years before I did. I wasted a lot of years trying to deny and control something that for me, is uncontrollable.

I agree with Tip though - forget about labels and get on with figuring out how to get through life without the crutch and eventually, devastation of AL.

DG

[Cait1lin]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

I appreciate everyone's tips, insight and offers of support.

In response to Bets, yes I have days without drinking, yesterday being one of them. When I was pregnant, I did not drink for the first 7 months and only very little (1/2 glass of wine or beer at a time) in the last two months. I am okay not drinking for a couple of days, especially if I am really busy with work/home, etc., but I drink nearly every week and typically several times a week. Additionally, I feel the desire to drink pretty much every day, even if I do not actually do it. For example, my husband and I took our son to the beach last weekend, and I thought to myself, "I sure wish I had a cold beer to drink while I sit here on the beach." On Monday, I went to lunch with a relative and I thought to myself, "It would be nice to have a mimosa right now with my lunch."

I don't think my issue is so much about physical addiction as it is about the way I use and think about alcohol, how I feel about the fact that I am someone who drinks regularly and how easily I can slip from one or two drinks to four or five if I am in a bar or at a party. It would take too long to go into all of my thoughts around these points, but suffice to say that I feel myself being someone that I don't want to be. It's just not the vision I have for my life.

As I thought about quitting drinking yesterday, I thought that the two things I am most afraid of are 1) dealing with pressure from friends to drink, and 2) the feeling that my "fun times" are over forever.

I am having a small party this weekend, and I know that if I am not drinking my friends will automatically think I'm pregnant. So, I am sure I will have to counter questions about that. Then, when I say I'm not pregnant, some of my friends will ask me why I'm not drinking. I'm just not looking forward to that.

As for feeling like my fun life is over, I realise that is more illustion than truth because drinking actually is NOT very fun anymore, but I continue to associate it with fun because of many fun times in the past that involved drinking. This is a conflict that I need to resolve in my own mind...

[Doggygirl]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Hi again. I think it's fabulous that you are recognizing problem signs NOW and are willing to take action before things get worse. (because they always do it seems!) I absolutely recognize that thinking you are talking about. Years ago, like you, I didn't always act out on the thoughts of a beer at the beach or a mimosa at lunch. But as things progressed, it became more and more difficult to say "no" to those notions.

"What will my friends think?" is a common topic of discussion here. A few of my own thoughts on that after a couple of years of sobriety, and a struggle for sobriety before that:

1. I don't really care what other people think of me NOT drinking. I need to do what is best for ME when it comes to alcohol.

2. Most people could care less what I drink, really. If they inquire, it's a passing question, not an inquisition (as I imagine it to be). I am not FLAWED because I don't drink! I have nothing to feel defensive about. It's just my personal choice. I am much healthier and happier as a result.

3. Think about anyone who REALLY would pressure you to drink. Why? If YOU were going to pressure someone to drink, why would that be? I used to pressure people to drink. It wasn't because I cared about them as people. It was all about ME. I wanted drinking buddies. That wasn't friendship on my part - it was simply self serving to my own problem (which was addiction in my case). Just some food for thought.

4. I have changed a lot of my "friendships" since I stopped drinking. And that's OK. I like myself much better as a sober person and know it's absolutely the right thing for me. So if some of my friendships also needed to change, so be it.

On the "I won't have fun any more." Think about that. Is all of your fun in life related to alcohol? If so, is that a problem? All my fun WAS related to alcohol. And as my drinking got worse and worse, the whole thing stopped being fun. These days, I prefer my fun to come from actual activities rather than AL.

Just some stuff to ponder...

DG

[4myhealth41]

Want to stop drinking, but not an alcoholic

Hi Cait1lin - Welcome,

I'm new here as well, on day 4 AF, but something you said struck home with me. "The feeling that my "fun times" are over forever" pretty much sums it up for me. I will have to learn a new way of "fun" and I'm a little afraid that I won't know how to have fun going forward....

As far as friends, family, and pressures, for some reason that doesn't phase me in the least. I have a graduation party to go to Saturday where everyone will be drinking and I really don't give a rats butt what anyone thinks. Actually, I'm not going to give them the chance to "speculate" why I'm not drinking, I'm just going to come right out and announce that I'm on day 6 AF (it will be day 6 AF on Saturday), that it's been a helluva a week, but my blood pressure has already dropped 50 points (as of today), I've already lost a few pounds, and I'm feeling good about my decision - anyone want to jump on board - oh, and bring me some water - LOL. That's my plan anyway I'll let you all know on Sunday how it actually went down (my attempt at being funny)

Anyway, welcome again. There are tons of great people here from all walks of life with very good advice. Kick back with a tall glass of ice water and enjoy