Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

[Anotherday]

I was on this forum and doing very well UNTIL my Dad went into hospice. It's going on two months now. All of my great progress went down the tubes when I heard what I call his death sentence.

I've been seeing a therapist and just cannot seem to make progress with his death out there soon. Yesterday Mom told me the nurse said it will be 10 days once he stops eating, and the nurse gave my Mom a big hug like it was the end. Well, he ate his whole lunch yesterday so I am confused. I put a call into the hospice nurse today but no call back and it's a long holiday weekend.

I find myself so very angry. I vacillate between wanting to throw things and crying. I guess this is normal? Actually, my greatest worry is that I'll drink myself into such a state between now and his death and not be able to get on the plane. I simply MUST get on the plane.

I only post this here as my therapist suggested I do so. Truth is, there have been some less than pleasant interactions on this site. But it doesn't matter now. I must show up for my Dad's death and any help is appreciated. Thanks.

[dancelot]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Anotherday - I'm sorry about your father. That is always difficult, no matter our age or theirs. Our emotions can be all over the place - that is normal. Do the best you can. And yes, you do need to get on the plane. Make that a priority, no matter what. Find the strength it takes - you can do it. Take care and much love - Dance :h :l

[New Creation]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Another Day,
The only help that I can offer you is prayer. I will pray that God will give you (and your mom) His grace and peace and strength to go through this very difficult time. I will pray that He will give you a joy that passes all understanding (something that He did for me when I lost my 4 year old son).

Following is a poem that I came across after I lost my child. Hopefully, it will give you comfort.

WHAT IS DYING?

A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on
the horizon and someone at my side says, "she is
gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all;
she is just as large as when I saw her. The diminished
size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her, and just
at the moment when someone at my side says "She is
gone" there are others who are watching her coming,
and other voices take up a glad shout, "There she comes!"
and that is dying.
Bishop Brent

[Anotherday]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

dancelot;870526 wrote: Anotherday - I'm sorry about your father. That is always difficult, no matter our age or theirs. Our emotions can be all over the place - that is normal. Do the best you can. And yes, you do need to get on the plane. Make that a priority, no matter what. Find the strength it takes - you can do it. Take care and much love - Dance :h :l

Thanks. I just have my doubts as to whether I can get on that plane, yet I must. I know this. It is so hard. There are logistics - two dogs and a cat. I have an appt on Tuesday for the dog's shots. There is only so much I can do. Not knowing makes it tough. I have to be ready to just leave - whenever. Thanks.

[Anotherday]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

New Creation;870528 wrote: Another Day,
The only help that I can offer you is prayer. I will pray that God will give you (and your mom) His grace and peace and strength to go through this very difficult time. I will pray that He will give you a joy that passes all understanding (something that He did for me when I lost my 4 year old son).

Following is a poem that I came across after I lost my child. Hopefully, it will give you comfort.

WHAT IS DYING?

A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on
the horizon and someone at my side says, "she is
gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all;
she is just as large as when I saw her. The diminished
size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her, and just
at the moment when someone at my side says "She is
gone" there are others who are watching her coming,
and other voices take up a glad shout, "There she comes!"
and that is dying.
Bishop Brent

Thank you for this beautiful poem, and I am soooooooooooo very sorry for the loss of your four year old son. I cannot imagine your loss. How tragic.

[mama bear]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

The loss of a child must be the most awful thing ever.
Welcome back Another Day and know that we are here for you
Alcohol will numb the pain temporarily, but not forever....
Hugs
Mama

[New Creation]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Anotherday;870532 wrote: Thank you for this beautiful poem, and I am soooooooooooo very sorry for the loss of your four year old son. I cannot imagine your loss. How tragic.

The only reason I bring that up, Anotherday,(it happened 17 years ago) is to assure you that if you will lean on God through this difficult time, He will give you unbelievable strength and even joy. If He could do that for me during the illness and loss of a child, then He can surely do the same for you. Lean on Him for strength. That is my prayer for you this evening.

[techie]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Anotherday - I just wanted to add my support for you and your family. I know too well what you're experiencing. PLEASE be strong for your family. I wasn't and I deeply regret it to this day. I do want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. john

[Change]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Anotherday, i am sorry to hear about your dad. Try not to beat yourself up, your drinking is not going to help him or you.

:l:l:l

[Change]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

New Creation, i'm sorry about your loss too.

[johnnyh]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Hey AD.

I'm so sorry to hear that. YOu've got a lot on your plate to deal with.

I can't imagine what you're going through. Dealing with one's parents death, bad enough, knowing it is happening when it hasn't yet. Even so much harder.

Wish you much strenght in these difficult times.

Be blessed friend.

[Anotherday]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Thanks all so much for your love and support. This is going to be harder than I thought. Mom has expectations that I stay with her in her small one BR apartment and she says one of us can sleep on the sofa which is, of course, not an option. It's loud there and I would never let her sleep on the sofa. Frankly, I don't want to either. But I wasn't expecting her to expect me to stay there. Now she is all upset over that. My plan is to fly there, rent a car and stay at a hotel and just do the right thing, whatever that means.

There are other issues. I am estranged from my siblings, so to speak. The last time I spoke with my sister she shrieked at me like some crazy woman for my living out of state. Apparently she has "issues" with my doing so, nevermind the fact I moved out of state 30 years ago, long before my parents were old. My one brother, well, I know I can say this here...I told him of my "issues" and he could not care less if I dropped dead, quite frankly. I said to my therapist..."What about the show Intervention?" where everyone cares and he told me it's just a TV show. Hmph. Talk about reality. Then my other brother doesn't have the time of day for me. So things are getting sticky here. I am going to have to figure out a way to do what is right and help my Mom yet set boundaries. I feel like I am walking into a Lion's Den, quite frankly.

Well, it's always hard to come back to a forum when you've made the fool of yourself previously, as I have, but I still remember and have fond memories of JohnnyH starting that ODAT thread off in NewComers, and MamaBear checking in, etc. If I could go back to those days, I would in a heartbeat. But I am sort of stuck here in today.

I'll try to get with the program and thank you all.

[Panno]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Hi Anotherday

So sorry to hear of your situation, dealing with a dying parent is not easy and then having to cope with siblings - well I know exactly where your coming from!! Be strong and just take it as it comes, as you know its best to deal with these things sober :l

Please come back to the forums, JohnnyH and Mama will welcome you with open arms. I'm not sure what went on and I don't need to know but what I do know as with our drinking any problems that were there have to be left behind, we can't change the past but we sure can plan a better future.

P x

[Anotherday]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Thanks, Panno. I want to, but this whole thing has just sent me for a loop. I am finally getting to a point where I am not crazy and drunk out of my mind, but I need to stop drinking completely in order to deal with things.

There are the practical aspects I must tend to - my three pets, shots, boarding. I hate to leave this house a mess, but I'm not sure I have it in me to really get it together.

I participate on this Alzheimer's discussion group and they talk about this "rallying" thing. I don't get it and am confused, but from what I gather my Dad could seem to regain his senses and die suddenly. So I have to be prepared. I so wish that hospice nurse would have phoned me back, but she didn't. It's ok. It's a holiday weekend. All I know is I am grateful when I get a decent night's sleep.

I so want to get back to where I was - getting up at 5:30 and going for walks and checking in on the ODAT thread. I really liked that thread! Things were finally moving in the right direction, then all of this. Thanks for writing.

[Panno]

Dad is getting closer to death...and so goes my drinking

Ad when I find I have alot of things to do and feel like everything is crashing in on me I tend to make a list with a time-table and more often than not it helps me. I tick off what I have done when I have done it and what I have not finished I go to bed knowing what I have to do first thing so when I wake up the next morning I can get straight on to them rather than my head still spinning with too much to do. x