How to say no to friends?!

[Change]

Without going on and i don't want this to sound like it's a drama, but sometimes i find myself drawn in by the plans of others. For instance, last night a friend had basically planned to come over to my house. He'd contacted me on Thurs. night on Facebook and i stupidly agreed (thanks to two glasses of wine in my system). When i woke up Friday, i realised i didn't really want to see anybody last night and would have been happy staying at home by myself and not drinking.

But, what did i do instead? Murmered something about not wanting a 'big night'.. Well, when he came over he had illegal drugs on him. That is a habit i wanted and successfully broke years ago (on a recreational basis only). Well, next minute he pulls out a crystal meth pipe and guess who had a go? I am utterly ashamed of myself, i've heard so many bad things about it. Good news is, i didn't enjoy it. The entire thing was a waste of time.

I think i've really got to put my foot down next time, and in general. Problem is, how to cancel next time, when it's scheduled for the same night. I need to stop being so spineless. I have completely wasted an entire day in bed with a headache and virtually no sleep cos of that poison. My fault.

The other thing i think of is this charming friend i gave up recently, who has nothing to do with drugs and rarely drinks. Why do i chose the wrong people all the time? I'm starting to beat myself up...

[johnnyh]

How to say no to friends?!

Hey Change..

Don't get yourself drawn in to that type of s#$$, seriously. I'm not talking from a judgemental point of view but rather from one with knowledge and experience. Had friends go down that road and not return.

I'm christian so i'm going to say this. My pastor told us the other day this: Steel sharpens steel. So souround yourself with people that will do good for you and maybe considering whether friends are indeed such good friends if they lead you into temptation like this.

I think (from my perspective speaking) we got enough to deal with our AL struggles to potentially add another problem down the line?

Please stay strong. If you know a friend is going to lead you into trouble, try and avoid the time in first place? That would be my advise.

Be blessed.

[Change]

How to say no to friends?!

Thanks Johnnyh,

I read your comment in the daily thread and i thought to myself "i feel so negative", but i am battling that.

Right now, all i can think of is staying at home tonight and watching tv, which will be good cos at least it's healthy! I had a brief craving for al (cos the bottle shop is across the road and i thought it may take the edge off), but talked myself out of it, which is good. I am going to treat myself with some chocolate tonight (am trying to get off the sugar, but will deal with it later), and a nice curry i have in the fridge. By tomorrow, i should feel better.

Yes, i am going to have to put my foot down with this guy. Although i think he's a good person, i saw last night just how into drugs he still is and i thought he'd changed. A good tactic for catching up with him would be to do it in a public place, because he won't take drugs there. Once i feel stronger, i'll take the topic up with him and tell him im not interested anymore.

I think another good tactic is to think about things you have coming up: lunch with my mum and stepfather tomorrow, and a volunteer job interview on Monday, plus several job applications to write either tomorrow or Monday. Two - three days at a time for me

Thanks for your comments, it's nice to know some people can empathize or care

[Guest]

How to say no to friends?!

This was the bit I found most difficult. Firstly when still drinking I had 'associates' who had drinking as well as drug problems. Shaking them off was very, very difficult and it took something quite bad to happen before they would leave me alone. When I did stop drinking it was saying "No" when I knew I needed to stay in and have a quiet night in order to be at peace, deal with cravings etc.

You will learn to look after yourself as you are number 1, and that all that matters.

[Change]

How to say no to friends?!

Ukblonde;870812 wrote: When I did stop drinking it was saying "No" when I knew I needed to stay in and have a quiet night in order to be at peace, deal with cravings etc.

To be honest, i would rather stay in on my own, than go out drinking and that is the honest truth.

Just last night, a friend offered to shout me a mojito and i said "no"... I told him i was watching my waist line!

I think i will keep Friday nights free (to spend some alone time) and make a rule not to commit to anything until last minute, that way i can monitor my energy levels etc. I am also hoping to gain some employment on the weekends, which will ensure i stay in and look after myself.

[daybyday]

How to say no to friends?!

Good plans Change. I've never spent so many "nights in" watching movies since being AF and I'm thinking I'm getting addicted to movies now!! Guess it's in our nature, but hey, much healthier and saner than the drug and AL scene. Your plans for yourself sound really positive!