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Close Call but I made it

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    #1

    Close Call but I made it

    Hi Everyone
    I have been AL free since April 18th and it has been a roller coaster ride of fighting my emotions, physical symptoms, and facing life full on. I took Kudzu Tablets and a couple of other supplements the first week and these seemed to help with the cravings. After this first week I struggled with tiredness and being irritable but managed one day at a time to get through this without any supplements.

    I am now facing my life struggles without numbing out and it is shock at times. I am struggling with finding meaning and purpose to life. I have been married for 15 years, no children, and I spend all my time working on our business to ensure we meet our huge financial obligations. It is a constant struggle that we only just make each month. I am tired of it all but I feel I have no choice but to support my husband and our business, as it is our only source of income. I have no friends or family support. I am alone in the world except for my husband and my cat.

    Over the past 2 weeks I have been desperate to start drinking again as I can't bear my life, but by coming on here and encouraging others I have managed to not take a drink. This afternoon I begged my husband to have a drink with me. (He gave up the same day as me in April). He finally agreed but at the last minute I changed my mind and never had a drink.

    I have been on here ever since.

    A close call but I made it by the skin of my teeth.

    Still holding on...

    H
    Allen Carr’s book changed everything for me. The easyway to control alcohol. Highly recommended
    Tags: None
    #2
    Close Call but I made it

    Hey H,

    That's hectic. Well done for sticking with it. Really well done. And you've made it. This thing can only be done ODAT. You didn't almost drink, you yet resisted another temptation. That is fabolous and that is all you can expect of yourself. I commend you.

    Difficult to find motivation in this rat race called life.

    I have found my hope in God H. That's what's been carrying me and there's is a lot more people on here that have. It keeps me going, sustains me. I've also found great connection to people in our church and made great friends. He carries me all the way. The people I have met have accepted me and became friends with all my faults. They accept me for who I am.

    Sorry I can't give much more practical advice then what has worked for me. What works for me. If It wasn't for God. I dont' know where I would be.

    Be blessed H.
    AF since 15th March 2010

    The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

    Comment

      #3
      Close Call but I made it

      Hi Johnnyh
      Thanks for the encouragement. I have been thinking I should join a church but its a scary thing as I don't want to be judged.

      I also think the hole in my life is spiritually as I used to go to church in my teenage years and loved my relationship with God. Your advice seems strangely heaven sent.

      Thanks again my friend
      Hazeleyes
      Allen Carr’s book changed everything for me. The easyway to control alcohol. Highly recommended

      Comment

        #4
        Close Call but I made it

        WELL DONE Hazel.....Be proud, that was a major hurdle you cleared....!
        "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

        AF 10th May 2010
        NF 12th May 2010

        Comment

          #5
          Close Call but I made it

          I am completely alone in this and what I do is remind myself how bad things were, and how I only have a chance when problems arise if I'm sober.

          Looking back to that black place has saved me many times if not daily.

          Comment

            #6
            Close Call but I made it

            well done H for resisting. just keep that strength and you will beat this
            Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
            Keep passing the open windows

            Comment

              #7
              Close Call but I made it

              Hazeleyes, the way you battled against that huge urge, and did not drink, is a huge inspiration for us all. Awesome job on staying af. It must be very difficult for you right now for sure. I went through some very hard days, my wife was post-p depression for several years, and I was very very "low". I did a lot of thinking about life, like you, and I drank a tone, to get through it, or I used it as a reason to allow me to drink a tone with less guilt I suppose. One book I re-read was by Victor Frankyl, and his premise (being a former prisoner of war) was that no one can take away our hope, and therefore regardless of the situation, no one can take our "mental" freedom, and therefore we have meaning in life if we have hope. I really hope that you feel better soon, and stay sober. All the best,
              Hill
              Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

              Comment

                #8
                Close Call but I made it

                Keep up the good work Hazel. Think positive, be grateful and proud of yourself, and change, modify or ditch that current stressful business situation. Sell the house, sell the business if you have to. Hold on to, and build the foundations of your sobriety. Be ruthless in getting yourself right, then magic will follow.

                Best wishes, G.

                'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                Comment

                  #9
                  Close Call but I made it

                  You have the strength to do anything. Great job fighting off the urge when it was so tough. It's good your husband is AF too to keep each other strong.

                  Great advice Johnny. If you have been spiritual and believe in God then it might be time to dedicate yourself to church again. And like Johnny said you may meet some very wonderful people who can turn into good friends. It's worth a try and if it's not what you want you can always stop.

                  There's friends and great people out there. Don't wait for them to come to you.
                  Good luck Hazel!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Close Call but I made it

                    Well done. You now have a situation where you clearly beat back the demon. Draw strength from that experience going forward Hazel!
                    Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Close Call but I made it

                      :goodjob:Hazel, wow, great job resisting the old ways. You do sound like you want to make some changes in your life and they will be better to make with a clear, sober mind. I'm inspired by your story today. :l
                      AF since April 19, 2010
                      NF since Nov 10, 2000

                      "One reason I don't drink is I want to know when I'm having a good time."
                      -Lady Nancy Astor

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Close Call but I made it

                        Good one Hazel, I'm really impressed, don't know I'd be that strong
                        Molly
                        Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                        contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Close Call but I made it

                          Thank you all for your comments, I really appreciate your support and encouragement.

                          Hillsidetime - thank you for giving me the knowledge I am not alone in this. I appreciate your thoughts.
                          Guitarista - thanks for the direct advice about getting things sorted
                          Meech - thanks for your comment on not waiting for things to come to me. I need to take action
                          Thanks also to one2many, UKblond, spuddleduck, and techie for your encouragement. It is really great to have all your comments. It makes me feel less alone, and please keep sharing your insights as it truly helps.

                          Kind regards
                          Hazeleyes
                          Allen Carr’s book changed everything for me. The easyway to control alcohol. Highly recommended

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Close Call but I made it

                            Thanks daybyday and mollyka - really appreciate your comments!
                            Allen Carr’s book changed everything for me. The easyway to control alcohol. Highly recommended

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Close Call but I made it

                              I think sometimes in life we just plain old get bored! Same day in day out, the routine can make us feel human robots and what the heck is this all for anyways???

                              For me, when the boredom sets in, the house is cleaned, blah blah blah, that is when I get tempted to drink. Not only is the drinking taking me to another place, but its shaking things up! But unfortunately it is not shaking things up in a GOOD way as I will be paying for it later, but that does not seem to stop me.

                              I even had a very frightening thought before. What if I am addicted to the consequences of my drinking too? Like the consequences had somehow became my "normal".

                              I get where your coming from. When I had my 30 days AF I was kind of bored and whats the point too. Thats when I started drinking again too, but I will tell you what. I wish I had not and had just worked through my emotions instead of going back to what is familiar.
                              I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

                              Comment

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