Suicide

[spuddleduck]

Suicide

oh and yes. alcohol really heightened my depression and stopped the ad.s from having a chance to work. a lose lose situation

[KateH1]

Suicide

Good to hear that with sobriety, you are feeling better and those dark thoughts are no longer with you, Spuddle!

[Guest]

Suicide

I took many overdoses and did dangerous things that could have hurt me or put my life at risk on purpose when I was drinking. These incidents were for any of several reasons including;

depression
frustration
despair
and most importantly,
attention seeking - yes I wanted people to take notice of me and feel sorry "poor me"

That last one is a very painful admission but most alcoholics use that as a reason for all sorts of behaviour. Every attempt I would tell someone and be 'saved' only to feel shame and embarassment. I finally decided around 18 months ago I was not going to harm myself or try suicide again.

I've suffered from clinical depression for some years and since I stopped drinking and decided to change my approach to life I've not lapsed back into it. Yes at times it would be so easy to do so when things get stressful, upset etc but I'm determined. When I was drinking I spent so much time feeling down, depressed, moping.....that I don't want to do that now I'm sober. One thing I always used to do when depressed is hit the hay, go to bed and hide. I get this urge several times each week always when something is appearing insurmountable. Every time I resist the magnet drawing me to hide into the bed because I know it's a behaviour that will make me worse and that could lead me to drink(never mind wasting more time). Hard work sometimes but I just keep plodding on.

[NewGirl2010]

Suicide

Roamer - Your post made me think about the constant nagging thoughts I had about killing myself when I was at the worst point of my drinking career. Not suicidal but for some reason my brain just kept bringing the option up. Now that I am 5 months AF these thoughts NEVER come to me. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that alcohol is a depressant and changes the function of the brain? I'm sure it is a lot of things... Anyway, I know exactly what you are talking about.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Suicide

This is an article written about the subject at first hand. This is what is left behind.

The hardest truth: how I told my kids about their father's suicide - The Irish Times - Wed, Mar 24, 2010

[roamer723]

Suicide

wow. just, wow. and here I am all wrapped up in my self loathing not even really thinking what the wake of destruction would be in the aftermath. great article. thank you.

[wannachange]

Suicide

likewise roamer, my very words exactly.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Suicide

It kind of helps to see it from this perspective I think. I know from personal experience the utter devastation that is left behind and all the unanswered questions. I cant imagine what a child might feel but "am I to blame?" might stick with them for ever.
I enjoy your blog btw.

[roamer723]

Suicide

thank you. actually, I've added that link to my blog post. thanks again for the article.

[hippie37]

Suicide

KateH1;881196 wrote: There has been a lot here about suicide lately and I am glad that this conversation is being opened up on this forum. The fact is that most, if not all alcoholics/problem drinkers suffer from some level of depression. Alcohol is a depressent! We also have much documentation that alcohol greatly renders anti-depressent medications ineffective. It is no wonder that alcoholics consider and even attempt suicide. But, suicide is never the answer to any problem. In fact, suidice only creates greater problems for those left behind.

I must admit, that though I feel compassion for those that come on this board and talk of suicide, I am also angry that this happens, especially lately, as it is happening quite often. This really shakes everyone up and leaves the mwo population feeling helpless.

For anyone here that is having suicidal thoughts, I highly recomend that you seek help in the form or a therapist or a suicide helpline. Don't let these thoughts continue to escalate. There is REAL Help available, all you have to do is reach out for it!

Thanks,
Kate

:yes2::thanks2::divine::rockon::sendinglove:

'nuff said!

[wannachange]

Suicide

Do you have anything to share about the topic yourself Hippie? Your posts are usually quite inspiring and I would love to hear what you have to say about the matter.

Everyone goes through different stages and some people who experienced a huge drastic life change for the worst do need help, I agree that telling people you are "gonna do it" is more a seek for attention and they usually don't follow through, but some do. Most people take the discreet approach which is a shame because they might have asked for help and those cries were ignored and therefore they felt even more isolated.

Recently there have been some posts about this, myself included, but I did not tell anyone I was going to do it, some people guessed from my words that it was my intention and intervened. I did not know that my conversations were going to be posted either. I know now after hours of therapy that it was merely a cry of desperation and as MWO was the only place I could confide I used it to say I am giving up, this post is not public and I have since removed it as I realized later it's stupidity - but not at the time, at the time I needed help but I went around it the hard way, I slung shot myself into the help I desperately needed and were it not for the sheer kindness of some members here on this forum I would still be in the state I was or worse.

So I have no problems with people posting this stuff, I guess people would need to be there to actually know what its like, I agree with Katie that this is not the place and there is help out there - but at the time it seemed no help was available and life was pointless i which as it turns out is complete nonsense.

I am first to admit that I have been using MWO for the attention I was lacking elsewhere, it took a while to realize that this place is not for that and that it should be used for one thing and one thing only, fighting the AL battle, showing support and giving help whenever possible.

It's a process and we are all at different stages, when one is rock bottom then it appears this is the only way out and untreated depression is another main factor.

But I would love to hear your thoughts.

[rubywillow]

Suicide

We wonder quite often here if alcoholism is a genetic, or inherited trait. Studies have shown that children of suicides have a greater risk of repeating it. A few years ago, someone I had worked beside daily, someone who had a serious AL problem, who called me frequently when he was drunk to tell me how much he loved me, went through a horrible year of cancer treatments only to be told he only had months left to live. He went around visiting his old friends, calling everyone he cared about, settling his affairs, then got completely drunk and shot himself in the heart. I've heard mixed opinions about the right and wrong of his actions, but am still stunned and saddened.
I could fill a page with the suicides that have touched my life. I was an adult before I knew my grandfather had taken his own life. In their society, the rural Baptist South of the 1940's, this was an absolute taboo. Not spoken of. He left TEN children, my Mother being 8 at the time. When my grandmother found him, she was home alone with Momma and her younger sister, and sent them running 2 miles to a neighbor. My aunt, who was 5, says she remembers the wild strawberries were blooming along the trail, and she wanted to stop and pick them. Momma kept dragging her along, saying 'Daddy's hurt, Daddy's hurt'.
Suicide leaves deep, deep scars on our loved ones.
'Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.'

[Cinders]

Suicide

My thoughts are this:

It amazes me that someone can use the word angry about alcoholics posting on a site for alcoholics about their thoughts of helplessness and suicide. It happens, it will happen again. While I hate it and my stomach twists up in knots because I am so afraid for the person who is in that place that we can't just reach out and help through that period, I am heartened there is a place we can reach out to that has some semblance of help.

Yes, professional help is the way to go. If you are sane enough at the time of the suicidal depression to reach out to them, please do. I know at my worst moments, the thought of dealing with professionals who often have nothing in common with me and my addiction is repugnant. It is insanity to feel that way but I do have an insane disease.

We are a "virtual" community and it is difficult for all of us to deal with it. BUT I know from recent past experience that some are here who do commit the act of suicide. If posting here in any way helps, as it has in a few incidents, I am willing to go through the pain of watching, waiting and praying and I am grateful that some of those individuals have good enough friends here that can contact the appropriate professionals to get them help.

Whilst I am incredibly sad we all have to go through this, I am also grateful for those who have been saved. There are more on this website than many are aware of based on your story, Wanna. I am grateful for you. You were lucky enough at an incredibly low moment in your life to have this virtual community come to your aid as best they could and help. I am also very happy to hear you are rebounding and out of that hell.

Oh, and people post here drunk and say and do things no sane person would. It is to be expected. I dislike it when I see it but I do not get angry at the person doing it. We drunks drink to black out and say and do things that in the few moments of lucidity that we do manage makes us cringe. I hope that those who do that, me being one who has done it many times, are not berated for it to the point of skulking off and hiding. I know where I hide when I am totally embarrassed by my addiction and what it has done to me. I have been blessed because my friends here have welcomed me back with open arms and love.

I, too, would be in a much worse place or dead without MWO and the understanding of my friends here.

Love,
Cindi

[roamer723]

Suicide

my dad's brother killed himself long before I was born, and i never knew my grandfather on my dad's side b/c he died before I was born as a result of drinking and smoking. I wouldn't discount that depression/suicide is a genetic predisposition, but my counter to that is there's always a choice, and help. unfortunately, it's not often used.

[mollyka]

Suicide

This thread is very informative and honest, I have read it with great interest. I am 53 now and have been drinking to excess for probably 35 years but at a madness level for about 2-3. I honestly have discounted anything happening to me after about the age of 55 because I knew I would be dead from drinking. Pensions - laughable, Grandchildren - improbable, Empty nest syndrome - naw I'll never get that far! I was 'happy' with that decision when I was drinking. HOW APPALLING IS THAT!
I LOVE my life now, I wake up anticipating EVERYTHING, can't wait for grandchildren, maybe happy to hold off on the pension for a while, but drinking to me anyway was like a suicide tool.
Molly