Help guys - I'm losing the battle

[tiptronic_ct]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Only saw this now when I got home. Proud of you, Johnny!!!

[mama bear]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

JohhnyH....
I was just chastized for telling you if you drink to start over again tomorrow. Must admit it stung to be told that, but please know that I never meant you any harm in any way....you know how much i care about you........and I am proud of you for being strong.....
I apologize for treating your crisis so foolishly......
and to anyone else I have offended....

[one2many]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

So sorry I missed this Johnny and FECKIN WELL DONE!!!!!

[rustop61]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

I missed it too Johnny but well done.

Rustop

[Ringing Cedars]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hi Johnny. I missed this too. I saw the thread brought up did not even think it was a call for support. Will understand in the future IF it comes up. So glad you were strong enough to call out and what a wonderful place to rally to give it! Good job and rest well.

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Thanks guys. I'm feeling much, much better allready. Got some take-aways. And am enjoying the evening with my family now.

Thanks for you support guys. And Mama, thank you for your support. Hey, this thread was pretty much live support at the time. And when things are happening quickly we don't always have the time to check things come across exactly the way we mean it. I know what you were saying. You are here for me regardless. And I really, really appreciate that thought .

Thanks all you guys. Wow... yet another Johnny episode done for now. I feel relieved for now. Back on teh Antabuse again as off tonight so should be fine for a while. I will make sure to take them again regularly.

And on top of things Ghana are 1:0 up at half time

[K9Lover]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

SOOO, SOOO proud of you Johnny! Enjoy your night with your family, and a hangover-free tomorrow!

K9

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Thanks K9

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Last update on this matter.

I woke up feeling much stronger again. Given after yesterday I should know that there is never a guarantee for how quickly things are going to turn. But I'm on my Antabuse regime again and will stick with it this time around. I'm too early in my sobriety to be taking risks like this.

Two weeks ago it happened before and I really, really struggled, This time I would say I was one step closer. There was a very thin line between going to the bottle store and going to the computer to ask for support and help. I think was it not for my family, my kids and not wanting to dissappoint them, not wanting to throw 110 days down the drain, I might have made a different decision.

Well, we walk, we stumble (or fall) and learn. Thanks for all your support yesterday. I hope you understand how much it meant. It was really a close call and as always, I could rely on you to pick me up. What would I have done last night without MWO?? I don't dare think about it. It would have surely been back into the bottle.

Glad to call you guys my friends. Thank you.

Now let's hope I won't be posting again on this thread for at least a couple of months or never again. Keeping my fingers crossed.

[spuddleduck]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

hey johnny, im following you about this morning. so glad you got through last night.... each challange makes us stronger.. youre a big strong piggy ready for market

[not tonight]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hi johnny, I wasn't on line yesterday, so sorry I couldn't lend my support. Having read through last night's posts I have to say I think you showed an incredible amount of strength. Everyone gets tested by the beast, no matter how long we have been sober. That's just a fact. It's how we choose to ride out the temptation that matters. You getting on line, fighting it every step of the way and waking up victorious, well I am inspired by you and only hope I can have the same sort of resolve when my turn comes. Have a wonderful weekend!

[dancelot]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hey, Johnny, I just saw this today. Glad you made to hear you made it through!

This may or not be relevant - HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). I'm thinking, since you were going to have a big dinner, did you possibly forget to eat earlier, or put it off because of that? I know when I have plans sometimes, I get distracted thinking about this or that, forget to eat anything, and then am all over the place. Maybe even the idea of the newly sober friend coming over got you stirred up thinking about all kinds of things, some positive (being a good example), some negative (seeing someone maybe feeling shaky, or seeing "yourself" reflected back). It sounds like your mind was maybe already off on it's own little hamster wheel before the drinking thoughts came. Then there's a wrench thrown in - the dinner's off, and your head's still whirling.

It sounds like your family was pretty aware of something going on. Would you be able to talk to your wife when things are calm, and let her know if there are any suggestions she could gently remind you of should things go like this again? Not yell, nag, whatever. If she's open to it, you might suggest she look into Alanon (the group for family members of alcoholics). I'm glad to see that your family sounds supportive and concerned. They are so worth holding onto.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. The takeout idea was great, as you sounded so stressed. Other ideas - make dinner for the family, make your own little party, roast hotdogs and marshmallows in the back yard, take the family out for ice cream, go to park & feed the ducks (all this little kid stuff I'm remembering - actually I don't know how old your kids are, so this might be irrelevant!).

Eat takeout, lay on the couch and watch the game - sounds good (even if you fall asleep - that's just your body and mind telling you you're tired and stressed and saying, "rest").

I'm not you, but I would suggest staying on the Antabuse. Take it when you wake up, like a vitamin or any other medication one would take on a daily basis, when those drinking thoughts are less in the forefront. Some of your reticence in staying on this med might be the mourning for something you feel you're losing (alcohol), and you're still processing that. That is part of the acceptance - I was very serious going into this, literally cried about it the first week in, and it was a letting go process, even after that initial grieving was over. I felt as if I'd ended a long term relationship. Even though my life was and would be even more improved, I'd still be grieving sometimes, when I looked at what was going on. I've found as I go along, I let more of that go. I think I'm done, and then I feel another piece go, and I move forward. I usually am unaware of it until I let it go. So even after the initial acceptance, I can still see and feel it happening. It is a process rather than a one time event.

Lastly, congratulations on coming here first. It's that first drink is the problem, always. If don't you take it, it's 10,000 times easier than starting over (which if you're me, likely wouldn't happen - it took me 8 years to get back last time. Anyone who doesn't feel you're there yet - give it time, you will be, guaranteed. I say this to explain why I'm such a hard ass when it comes to sobriety, and doing every thing in our power to stay that way. I don't say this to hurt anyone's feelings - I say it because it's the truth, and if sympathy and good intentions was all it takes to get us sober, we'd all be sober).

I do understand that Mama Bear's comment was meant to be supportive. While we don't need to go off into self hate if we "slip", sometimes it is a fine line between enabling and supporting. We are all alcoholics, we have all played these games for years, maybe grew up with them. There's a reason why in AA a sponsor needs to a have a good understanding of what it takes, not just empathy (and they all do have plenty, believe me). Projecting and planning what we'll do after the fact kind of implies it's inevitable (even though that was probably not the intention), so why bother trying (this is what our inner addict hears). This is the little devil on your shoulder talking, trying to make nice, when his other devious words haven't worked yet. Instead, projecting and planning what I can do right now (or anytime it comes up) to prevent it is what gets results. And by no means do I mean if someone slips, to not get back on the horse ASAP, nor am I against empathy (who understands what we're feeling better than us?). I hope I'm being clear.

Also know when people give their phone numbers out in AA, it is an open invitation to call when you need to, not just a coffee invite. But you might want to call him back on that, if you'd feel more comfortable getting to know someone a little first. Next time you go a meeting, maybe tell this story - even the part about feeling uncomfortable calling someone! I guarantee you someone's gone through the same thing. Talk to other members afterwards, get to know them. If someone's story impacts me in any way, I always let them know. We learn and help each other by sharing, sometimes without knowing (just like here). :h