Help guys - I'm losing the battle

[JackieClaire]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Give AA a go Johnny, then hop back here and tell us about it.
If you can get into chat give a shout out and someone will be there in seconds.
J x
:l

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Thank you ktab.

It's ture. I understand the concept of ODAT, even a minute at a time. But yesterday I just thought what he hell. drink now, be sober again tomorrow. It seemed so very, very plausible that minute. I tired to think about everything that I know why I don't want to, cannot. And that's what probably did bring me home. But it was such a close call. How discomforting.

[Panno]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Keep strong Johnny, I will check back in later xxxx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Johnnyh if it was easy MWO wouldnt exist, but exist it does and so do your friends here. Use the support thats available when you need it, we understand only too well what it can be like believe me.

[stirly-girly]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hi Johnny. Just now saw your thread and read all the posts.
Fine job on not giving in because you didn't. You may have had AL on your mind all the time but you didn't take a drink. You did what you had to to get through those super cravings. Not just a little whisper, but great big shouts. Good for you.
The idea of the AA meeting sounds good to me even tho' I've never gone to one. Simply because the only one where I live is too far away and is simply not feasible. Since you feel like you need to go then that's what you should do. And what KTAB said about everyone drinking is probably true. It looks like everyone's drinking because you've got AL on your mind. If you didn't you wouldn't have even noticed or maybe you would have noticed that half the people had cans of soda or coffee or something and not beer.
As Jackie says - there's always someone here to go to chat if you need to. Or come on here and post. Avoiding the World Cup and all the celebration would be a thought if you lived somewhere else. Since you don't just do whatever you need to to get through this. 90 days is a lot to get through and then give in. As for the Antabuse, could you possibly buy some from a pharmacy and then take them the prescription after you get one from your doctor. Don't know how strict the things are there, here we can do that easily.
Hope the meeting helps. We'll all be looking for your posts after you get back.
Stirly...:huggy

[Guest]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

I drank a lot on those "drink tonight, be sober tomorrow" thoughts. Except we all know it doesn't work like that. Drink today and you are drunk for days afterwards even if you manage not to pick up in the morning - it will affect your body and mind for that length of time during which you are at even more danger of drinking again. I know for sure if I drink today I'll more likely than not wake tomorrow morning hungover saying "stuff this I may as well carry on". For me that is into the gates of hell.

Regards the football I don't watch football(well aside from the odd comedy friendly linked to other interests), the whole game bores me and the culture surrounding it turns me off. I shan't be participating in any of the tournament and have other things to do I'm quite happy with. So why not be a football-free zone for 4 weeks?Bet you can thing of loads to do and remember it'll be quiet everywhere football isn't!

[Miss Behaving]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Johnny,

from the other side of the world :l

I think you are being amazing - firstly having stuck it out last night, and then posting here. That says a lot for your fortitude and commitment.

I've been a bit glued to the World Cup coverage today, and what I see from here is a nation healing itself. The World Cup is an amazing thing for any nation to host, and South Africa has showed itself as a star in the international community over the last 24 hours.

you are part of that ..... you are healing yourself and being a star. Be proud!

[GoodAsGold]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Johnny - brilliant job on ur af time...
I have to 2nd what KTABs sayin here Johnny... I'm sure it feels like its' all about al right now. That will only be the case if u make that ur mindset tho... I do understand, I'm only early days sober here too & have had some cravings this last week after barely any at all... 2 things I'll offer you Johnny...

1 I'm trying to get 2 know my 'cravings'... treat them like signals from my body rather than 'a message from the beast'... so far it's helped a lot. First off, with me a craving is usually hunger - my body askin 4 food. Guess cos it's used 2 the sugar hit from al, that's the easiest signal 2 send... If I eat something, even just a bite, it passes within minutes... becomes a thought rather than a physical craving...then I take the reins again cos thoughts can be redirected easier than physical feelings I find...still bloody hard tho !

2 Where I agree with KTAB is about ur focus, ur mindset with ur sobriety. If u see it as a loss, a deprivation, a sacrifice then ur cravings will feel like temptation & seem 2 shout loudly at you... If on the other hand u see cravings as memories or associations, then they are natural occurances given all the time we spent establishing them… & hopefully can be passed thru & moved on from…

My guess is that you, like me, associate an adrenaline rush - excitement - with the rush that al gave you. And the footy is exciting 4 sure. And you’d like 2 join in but feel u cant cos 2 tempting… & maybe it is…u need 2 be the judge of that johnny.
So then u feel resentful & deprived etc etc etc… At the end of the day it’s simple. You’ve been down that road b4 & know full well where it leads… You’ve done ‘pissed as a twat’ too many times right ? So now, either tuck up safe in front of the TV with some munch like KTAB says. Or decide its an honour to be sober, go out & have some fun, prepare an exit plan 4 if u have the ‘one wont hurt’ thought. Then just enjoy the footy…with the added spectator sport of watching other people get pissed as a twat !

Good luck either way !
Keep safe
Gold x

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Just been on Skype with my mom for past half hour. Don't think i've ever been as honest to her about my struggles before. Think now it might be a bit selfish as I'm burdening her with it (she lives half way around the globe so isn't exactly one of the people who has suffered through me drinking and probably hadn't quite grasped how problematic it was ). She does however know I havn't drank for 3 months and that this was a conscious decision as I knew my drinking was problematic. So she's kinda been in the picture.

Well I just told her about my struggles with the World Cup, etc. and it was great talking to her. She just kept reiterating how proud she was of me and even got angry with me for not ackwnoledging that I did well. Even to a point she started irritating. WEll moms, what can I say

Thanks Stirl, UKB, MIssB and Good as Gold,

UKB, my problem is twofold. A I love soccer/football allthough I value my sobriety much higher obviously. , In other words, if I had to choose one over the other, my sobrietry was obviously more important to me. Secondly however, Don't forget that we're hosting the World Cup. The whole country is in a frenzy. Even right now as I'm typing this I can here people blwoing there plastic horns (vuvuzelas as we call them). Soccer free zone is just about impossible. The minute I get out of the house there are flags of all nations in windows, sticking out of cars, at work... Just saying, ignoring teh World Cup is not going to work. I need to find a solution how to deal with this differently. I think the AA meeting will be great today as some pointed out I imagine ppl there will be struggling wiht the same in these times.

MissB, I am so happy that the World Cup is here and in our country. It was amazing on the train yesterday seeing ppl from all walks of life celebrating as one nation together.

Good As Gold, thank you so very much for your post. YOu've actually alerted me to something I wasn't thinking of. I was flipping starving last night. HAd about 4 sandwiches when I got home finally. Very helpful post. That might have added into the equation.

Very good post all together.

Stirl, Need I say more. You're dearly valued. Thank you.

[Guest]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Well if it's all around you sounds like you need to just go with it - and I don't mean drink by that. Find another way to let it all go around you. I've been to events I've been interested in where others are drinking and I just thought well that's what they do, this is what I do. Granted that was on a tiny scale compared to what you are surrounded by right now.

I think AA will defintiely have some good support and suggestions, they'll all be in the same boat. So get to that meeting!

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Thanks UKB!!

Yeah. I also really want to find a better way to deal with this. Because I was looking forward to this event for the past four years. (aehm... or when was the draw? 6 years ago?)... Probably also because I thought of it as a 4 weeks piss up. Excuse the language...

I just never really considered the implications of my now being sober. I'm looking forward to hearing how others are coping and dealing with it this afternoon.

[one2many]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Only out of me bed and seen this now.

Johnny me aul mucker. you say you think you failed last night because if someone had given you a drink, you would have taken it. The things is...they didn't and you didn't either...close call but sounds to me like it was meant to be, also in all fairness, you know that if you really really wanted one, you would have travelled miles to get one..

Goldie is right on the money with HALT.....so many times I have been caught out on that one...was bloody starving but mistook it for a craving for booze.
I have been angry, so bloody angry (mainly at Wob) and thought the only thing that would calm me down was a drink....
I have been bone tired, dog tired, the kids have melted my brain all day and I am exhausted...answer??? pour a drink and relax instead of getting an early night..
Lonely? Yep I have been lonely, in a house full of my family, I have felt isolated and on my own...answer?? have a drink and use that as a companion, instead of getting out of the house and meeting up with a friend...

It is a commen mistake to make and one that has put me back on day one so many times.





Can you imagine something for me?? Go on humour me???

Ok, 12 years time....your kids are 15 and 13 right?? (or thereabouts)..

"Dad, in 2010 our country hosted the World Cup!!! What was it like"
"Did you go to any matches?"
"Who Won"
"Who Scored"
"What was the Crowd like"
"Did you get Pics, we are doing a project in school on this momentous occasion in our history"


Now think for a min...can you remember it all?
Were you drunk for most of it.
Do the pics show you, blearly eyed and a glass in your hand.
Did you miss out on the celebrations because of a hangoer???

Or
Can you recapture in fantastic detail how wonderful this occasion was, can you describe the colours, the smells and the sheer proud feelings that you felt during this time?

Go to your meeting,take your supps, put EVERY SINGLE WEAPON you can think of in your arsenal.

Drinking is not an option, so you are gona have to think of another one....

I know you can do it and funny enough YOU KNOW IT TOO!!

Be strong Johnny and use us when you feel wobbly, we will always be here...xxx

[Panno]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Fantastic post Oney

Johnny you are beginning to sound better already :l

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Thank you hOney

That's a fantastic and encouraging post.

Funnily what you said about travelling miles to get a drink is what my mom told me on Skype as well

It's so true what you're saying about capturing the moment. I can remember to often in the past rugby world cup finals, etc. I was looking so much forward to, waking up the next morning not even knowing what the final score line was or how great the game was.

I know that me wanting that drink also has got very little to do with celebrating the moment but rather with my alcoholism. Any excuse to drink right? I mean that's what it has always been about.

Drinking isn't an option. I am determined to find better ways of dealing with this from hereon. (And I might go back onto Antabuse for a while. I'm not prepared to take chances).


Thanks Panno. I am feeling better. Just glad I came here as soon as I woke up this morning

[stirly-girly]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Oney, you rock. That last bit about being able to remember is so true. What a shame it will be for many who will experience this amazing event up close and in person and won't remember hardly anything about it because they were tanked the whole time.

Johnny you say you've been looking forward to this for 6 years. Well, how about you print out that last part of Oney's post and put it somewhere to remind you just how much you could miss out on if you give in to AL.
Lots of good advice in the above posts. Good luck at your meeting.

And good luck to Greece. Just over an hour till kick-off. :dancin:

Oops, cross-post...