Help guys - I'm losing the battle

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Thank you guys.

I'm off to the meeting now. I'm very ,very nervous for some reason. I've avoided AA for the past year and a half. Every now and a again playing with the idea but never being brave enough to go and basically admit to ppl face to face that I have a problem.

Thanks Spud, Thanks Tippers.

I'll go and get some L glut on my way back than. Thank you Tippers.

[momof3]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hi Johnny,

I noticed your sobriety date in your signature date. Please know that most of what you are experiencing is in your mind (i.e., the cravings and the triggers), not the body. If at all possible, try to detach yourself from the cravings and observe those thoughts and feelings going through your mind.

As others have said, it only looks like everyone else is drinking and partying but many are not. I would bet there there are many AA folks who are working hard in South Africa during this time. Perhaps you could connect up with them and stay close for awhile.

Do whatever it takes to remain AF. That is the most important thing. Don't romanticize the drinking (e.g., feeling "free", partying, celebrating the World Cup) because you know for you (us) that it only ends in a nightmare.

Go through the tool box in the Monthly Abstinence section.

Just think how good you will feel about yourself when all of this passes and you remain AF. There is no better feeling, believe me. A small victory and a big deposit in your sobriety and well-being bank.

You have done so well. Keep it up.

M3

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hi M3. Thank you for that!!

Just come back. I'm sorry but am F#$$% pissed with the AA right now (actually not the AA, don't know with whom I'm pissed.). So get there early quarter to three. Am looking for the place, land up by the catholic church where it apparently is. Speak to parish on the intercom (apparently later found out he misunderstood me) tells me, oh no meeting is at 4pm around the corner at the church hall. Go there, wait there. just before 4pm lady pitches up there. asks me what i'm doing there, tell her. She says, ok. doesn't know about the meeting but should wait. 4pm comes, lots of young ppl there. lady comes back. In front of all the people calls me, sorry the AA meeting doesn't happen here anymore. The parish misunderstoond you and thought you were coming to my class i'm having here.

Can you imagine how I felt?!!

Come back home, try and call the AA hotline, No answer. Eventually mail box tells me number I can call on Saturdays.... NO answer there either.

Tryying another meeting i ALSO got from teh same AA website at 5.15pm. Last try if that meeting is also cancelled and the website just outdated. Then F#$% that. Then AA South Africa is just F@#$ up.

Sorry, writing this in the moment. Am feeling very pissed. No really with the AA which has helped so many ppl I know. But just pissed off that i was standing there waiting to find out the meeting doesn't happen anymore though advertised on the AA website and then I can't get hold of anyone where a meetin IS I can attend because i'm really, really concerned about my sobriety today and need to get my Ass to a place where I feel safe.

Glad I got that off my chest. Off to the other meeting place. Wish me luck. It took a lot of guts for me to make this desicion today and at the moment it's just backfiring as I'm angry.

[stirly-girly]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Johnny I have heard that there are on-line AA meetings as well. But I really don't know if that would help you any more than simply staying here and posting and chatting to get you over the hard parts. Hope the meeting is where they said it is and that all goes well. Will be looking for you later as a lot of others will be doing....

[Chillgirl]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Johnny - Im glad you are not giving up on your quest, hope you find the meeting this time round. Your determination speaks volumes, keep it going, hope to talk to you later....:l

[papmom3]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hey Johnny,
Just want to check in and give you a great big cyber hug from across the world and say :goodjob: !! You are throwing everything you have at the beast and you are winning!! I can't even imagine what it's like to be where you are right now with all the excitment and adrenaline in the street. Please stay strong and try to join in as much as you want but without the booze. Choose to Unbooze!! Your crave wave is a tsunami right now but it WILL go away as soon as you find the right tool to deal with it. I totally get how angry you are at AA and their lack of organization. I've been there with other things that I was counting on so much and through no fault of my own they didn't happen. Good for you for trying again. I hope the 5:15 meeting happened for you and that it was just what you needed.
You got a lot of great advice today so I really can't add more. Just wanted you know I feel your pain and I'm thinking of you. You CAN beat this!!
:l :l

[techie]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hey Johnny. I am amazed at how tough and resilent you've become. Sure the demons are always there, but you fought back. Remember, You can enjoy the World Cup without a cup in your hand. You ROCK!!!

[Rusty]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Johnny,

You do rock! You're stronger than you know.

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hi Guys,

Thanks you so much Stirl, Chill, Papmom, Techie and Rusty.

The meeting was were it was supposed to be and I 've got an updated list of all the meetings in and around Cape Town.

It was really great. The people were super friendly and super welcoming. People from all walks of life.

I could relate to the story the speaker was sharing and it was just great to be in company of people that share the same road.

Thanks all for helping me through today. It's 7pm nearly here now and thanks to you I've made it through most of the day allready. Today is what counts tomorrow is to worry about itself

Other guys gave me his number and said we should have a cup of coffee during the week so looking forward to that.

True thing he said to: It's not the 20th drink that's the problem. It's the first.

Love that

[one2many]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

WOW!!Johnny, that sounds SO positive.

I am so proud of you! xxx

[stirly-girly]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hey, hey.... good news Johnny. So happy that things went so well for you. And :goodjob: on sticking with it and going to the meeting instead of a bar. You should feel proud of yourself that you didn't do the easy thing and give up, but continued even when there was a setback with the first meeting. Way to go.....

[Ringing Cedars]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hi Johnny. I'm so pleased to hear you persisted in getting to that meeting and how wonderfully supportive it was. Wonderful that you could and did come here first to help carry the burden until you got there. I don't know you but feel very proud for you! ODAT )

[dancelot]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Hi, Johnny - Hang in there. Lots of great advice already. Stay close to this site if nothing else, and I hope you found an AA meeting, as face to face meetings with others who I guarantee are going through the exact same thing would be helpful. Do they have a 24 hour manned phone line (they do here - I am in a large city, I don't know if you are)?

Something I had to relearn when I quit drinking was what I call "seeing things through the eyes of a child", which basically was how far back I had I to go to remember doing things without alcohol being a part of it. Think back when you were a kid - you probably loved football then. What was it like? What did you notice? What was fun about it as a fan and spectator? All of that is still there inside you somewhere. If you were a 10 year old now and this event was happening in your locale, what would that 10 year old perceive, see, feel? He'd be very excited, but not because he was anticipating a drunken debauchery. You can do this, and you can enjoy what it's really about - the game. Take care, OK?

[johnnyh]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

Thanks hOney. You're the best. (Ktab doesn't seem to be around so I'll just say it )

Thanks Stirl, I realised, all this running around finding a meeting actually got me through most of the day sober. I mean now it's 7pm allready. So like you said. It kept me goint to worse places.

Thank you RC. I am really so glad I went. I picked up some great things there. One great thing I picked up there as well right in the spirit of ODAT. The guy opened up and said I am thank full I am sober today. It's not about yesterday or the past 1,2, 5, 10, 15, 20 years, but thank ful about being sober today. That's all that counts. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, today.

[dancelot]

Help guys - I'm losing the battle

I was writing this and didn't see your last post and I'm so glad for you! And big congrats anyway on coming to us before giving in - doing whatever it takes!