Why I don't have 2 years today

[Captainjack]

Why I don't have 2 years today

I do Lurk ...What a wonderful post!!!!!! i support your journey Greeny and what a wonderful one it is ...shits on Dorothy and Oz ..you have always been the coolest chick in the pen ..
Keep it up
love
Cap

[greeneyes]

Why I don't have 2 years today

Captainjack;1211680 wrote: I do Lurk ...What a wonderful post!!!!!! i support your journey Greeny and what a wonderful one it is ...shits on Dorothy and Oz ..you have always been the coolest chick in the pen ..
Keep it up
love
Cap

I love it when you drop in! So good to see you and I hope you are faring well.

[greeneyes]

Why I don't have 2 years today

Lolab and chillgirl, thanks for the corresponding initiation and resurection of this topic. I think that we all wrestle with it. Even at a seemingly innocent level of a fleeting thought, it is still a danger. That part of the brain lies in wait for the moment when ambush may be possible. It only takes a second to attend to that fleeting thought and it becomes a ponderance. A possibility. Then we imagine ourselves as the casual normal drinker and it seems within our grasp. It's as if that initial hurdle we all seem to face when we look at our problematic drinking and try to wrap our head around "NEVER" has risen up again and we don't want to accept it. Never... yes, never. Never again. Ever. And that's really OK, we just can't seem to understand that. With my experience of attempting moderation and failing came a deep knowing and acceptance of that NEVER. And even though I own it now, I can STILL have those fleeting thoughts. They are always flavored with the galmorous moments, not the dark scary place - in the middle of the night with the hidden bottle to chase away the cold sweaty withdrawal shivers . In reality, that is what is normal drinking is for me. It will lead back to that and I know it.

Again, this is just me and a piece of my puzzle. Hopefully conversation about these kinds of experiences like mine, molly's guitarista's, chief's, doggygirl's, etc. will help others on their journey.

[one2many]

Why I don't have 2 years today

greeneyes;1211742 wrote: Lolab and chillgirl, thanks for the corresponding initiation and resurection of this topic. I think that we all wrestle with it. Even at a seemingly innocent level of a fleeting thought, it is still a danger. That part of the brain lies in wait for the moment when ambush may be possible. It only takes a second to attend to that fleeting thought and it becomes a ponderance. A possibility. Then we imagine ourselves as the casual normal drinker and it seems within our grasp. It's as if that initial hurdle we all seem to face when we look at our problematic drinking and try to wrap our head around "NEVER" has risen up again and we don't want to accept it. Never... yes, never. Never again. Ever. And that's really OK, we just can't seem to understand that. With my experience of attempting moderation and failing came a deep knowing and acceptance of that NEVER. And even though I own it now, I can STILL have those fleeting thoughts. They are always flavored with the galmorous moments, not the dark scary place - in the middle of the night with the hidden bottle to chase away the cold sweaty withdrawal shivers . In reality, that is what is normal drinking is for me. It will lead back to that and I know it.

Again, this is just me and a piece of my puzzle. Hopefully conversation about these kinds of experiences like mine, molly's guitarista's, chief's, doggygirl's, etc. will help others on their journey.

AMEN!!!

[Georgie]

Why I don't have 2 years today

:l

[Doggygirl]

Why I don't have 2 years today

greeneyes;1211742 wrote: Lolab and chillgirl, thanks for the corresponding initiation and resurection of this topic. I think that we all wrestle with it. Even at a seemingly innocent level of a fleeting thought, it is still a danger. That part of the brain lies in wait for the moment when ambush may be possible. It only takes a second to attend to that fleeting thought and it becomes a ponderance. A possibility. Then we imagine ourselves as the casual normal drinker and it seems within our grasp. It's as if that initial hurdle we all seem to face when we look at our problematic drinking and try to wrap our head around "NEVER" has risen up again and we don't want to accept it. Never... yes, never. Never again. Ever. And that's really OK, we just can't seem to understand that. With my experience of attempting moderation and failing came a deep knowing and acceptance of that NEVER. And even though I own it now, I can STILL have those fleeting thoughts. They are always flavored with the galmorous moments, not the dark scary place - in the middle of the night with the hidden bottle to chase away the cold sweaty withdrawal shivers . In reality, that is what is normal drinking is for me. It will lead back to that and I know it.

Again, this is just me and a piece of my puzzle. Hopefully conversation about these kinds of experiences like mine, molly's guitarista's, chief's, doggygirl's, etc. will help others on their journey.

Double AMEN!

[zincityzen]

Why I don't have 2 years today

Greenie,
This is just what I needed to read today! You are so right on with every word. Like you I know I cannot drink like a normal person for more than a couple days, tops. Thank you for this post in helping me keep AL in the past, where it belongs.

Stepped off the wagon myself 11/11 with one glass of champagne at a wedding (trigger #1: a glass of Martinellis made me want the "real thing"), then two huge $15 glasses of red wine at the airport when my flight was delayed (trigger #2: boredom, mild anxiety). So after just 5 weeks AF, boy did it hit me, and I had a hangover the next day.

One of my "yes I can mod" lies is that I can always mod if wine-by-the-glass is more than $7 ho-ho-ho..
Thanks again, Greenie! We know what we're missing, and it ain't much

Z

[greeneyes]

Why I don't have 2 years today

To be perfectly honest, I needed to re-read this thread. Maybe someone else does too.

[scottish lass]

Why I don't have 2 years today

thank you - not re-read, but reading for first time, and a very timely read too! Thank you for lending me your experience!

[brittzak]

Why I don't have 2 years today

Our minds play little tricks on us. It is hard fighting yourself. After you get some good AF time in, you really do start thinking...I got this beat! Even though we all know we don't. It is so easy to fall, but so hard to get back up.

[Doggygirl]

Why I don't have 2 years today

Hi Greenie. I can always use this reminder. I too will sometimes have those thoughts that for some reason, drinking would be different if I did it again. I would very quickly be in the mud behind the wagon too. People have very hard relapses after many years of sobriety. So I know this addiction will never leave me. I just have to remember that.

We can do this. Thank you for the reminder greenie. I hope you find your mojo soon. :l

DG

[Chillgirl]

Why I don't have 2 years today

DG - you are not alone, I sometimes have the thought "look at all I have learned about AL in the last 2 years and about all the pitfalls and dangers, I'm sure with all that knowledge I would never get into the same mess I did before". Then I recognize that voice, it's not me, it's that voice of my addiction which is fortunately heard very rarely but which will always be there. Of all the things I have learned, one of the most important is to know that voice and make sure I never again fall for its lies.

[Doggygirl]

Why I don't have 2 years today

Chill, you are very right about that voice of the addiction, disguised as our own.

DG