Things I've noticed this week.

[Johnny]

Hi all, I am on day 5 of my journey to quit AL and I wanted to point out that since I have made the decision to quit, it feels as though my need and desire for AL has increased. I realise this could be considered to be withdrawal but as a binge drinker I was not a daily user and consequently I was not previously aware of a constant predisposition towards AL. It now feels as though every time someone mentions it my heart rate increases and I feel a sense of loss and fear. This was most noticeable last night when I was out with friends in a situation where AL is not used, referred to or relevant and one person mentioned the idea of meeting for drinks, as a community drinker and re-bonding drinker I felt very scared at this prospect and somewhat of an outsider too, even though I don't know if there are any non users in the group - there may well be.

Weird, it's as though my acceptance of a problem has drawn back the curtain to reveal the truth about how much I depend on AL. Does this resonate with anyone?

Day 5 over, having to negotiate my way through the week and weekend mentioning to those whom I might meet that I won't be drinking!

[one2many]

Things I've noticed this week.

All perfectly normal Johnny....for me, there were more adverts for drinking, more invites from friends to go for a few drinks, even when I was out and about, I saw people sitting outside sipping wine.
Drinking was so heavy on my mind, I saw it everywhere I turned...or so I thought I did.

I think it was FEAR.....My fear.....fear that i could not do it...fear that I had to admit I had a problem....fear that people might find out,how can I tell them I wont be drinking...and the biggest fear of all ...that I could never drink again.

I learned that COULD do it if I did it ONE DAY AT A TIME, (sometimes one hour at a time). I could do it for today..not tomorrow, just today.
I learned how to have my list of excuses why i wasnt drinking in the early days...
I am on antibiotics
I am on a diet
I am up at the crack of dawn in the morn etc etc...eventually after a few months I was happy just to say I don't drink anymore and now I just say, I don't drink.

WELL DONE on day 5.....take it in small steps, little by little and do visit the Toolbox thread...invaluable information in there.

Be proud Johnny...you are DOING IT!

[greeneyes]

Things I've noticed this week.

Good points, oney!

Fear was a large item for me as well. Fear of the unknown, fear of deprivation, fear of life without it, fear of discovering who I was or wasn't without it. There was so much fear there was little time left to think of anything else. The more fear I felt, the more I drank. Johnny, that you are to day 5 is wonderful. Be patient, it does get better and your "what feels normal" button will be reset. Also look at the plan for sobriety plan thread by doggy girl. Stay with it!!

[tlrgs]

Things I've noticed this week.

awesome job on not drinking .. right now is your time to heal get stronger in many ways .. mind body and soul .. so just keep up one day at a time and do your best ...

[Doggygirl]

Things I've noticed this week.

Johnny, I too went through something like what you describe. Like the others said, fear was also a driver for me. I've discovered along the way that fear was a driver of a LOT of things for me. The nice thing is that once you get a little sober time under you, then it's possible to start working on any underlying issues and GROW from this experience.

5 days is fabulous! Keep on rockin' it.

DG

[Johnny]

Things I've noticed this week.

Thanks all for your kind words and tips, I like the idea of acknowledging the fact that I 'can' drink if I choose to I just 'choose' not to. The weekend is coming and this will be my hardest test. That is when I need to be focused on my goals. I am planning to meet friends and relatives as holing up is not for me - even though I can see how it would be a good strategy for some - I tend to be a very open person about all things and I will not shy away from the reality of what is happening it's just having the discipline that is worrying me. If I slip I will go for it big time to drown out the reality of my poor choice and loathe myself after for days. I can't let that happen.

Thanks again guys, I will be keeping in touch over the weekend to update and relate! Even thinking about it is scary.

Laters!

[Doggygirl]

Things I've noticed this week.

A saying that really hit home for me is this one. I cannot ever drink SAFELY. I can drink, but I know for sure it would never be a safe choice for me. Once I get started, who knows where it will lead...

If your friends and family are truly "normal" drinkers (meaning they can take it or leave it) and you are willing to be open about your need to stop, why not try some NOT drinking as a group? No matter how tough I think I am, there is NO WAY I could be around a lot of drinking early on. Of course it might be totally different for you... just sayin. Have a strategy going in. I ALWAYS have an exit strategy when I'm at a drinking event - ALWAYS. That might mean I drive in a separate car, or whatever I need to do. I will leave before I drink, that's for sure.

DG

[rubywillow]

Things I've noticed this week.

Wonderful responses to you, John. I understand you're struggling now but it will 99% go away. 'Meeting for drinks' doesn't have to mean AL drinks. And you can use all the above excuses, DO IT, and walk afterward away with pride. Non-drinkers are not an exclusive society. I was thinking the other day of being in places when someone said I don't drink, or just didn't say anything. I think I was SO impressed with them, even years ago. I never thought it was odd. So many people I know just DON'T drink anymore. One thing if someone insists also is 'I'm on a health kick, and AL isn't part of it!'
Actually, heavy drinkers will try to really encourage you more than anyone. 'Misery loves company'. They feel right when everyone else does it. THEY are the only ones who don't want to be uncomfortable. 'I don't drink' can become a way of life, and a wonderful one. Trust me, people won't feel sympathy for you, they will admire you. If they ARE your friends, they already understand. And those who insist or question, are trying to make themselves feel better; they feel their own guilt. For the ones who are just nosey, I've been known to say, 'Why do you need to know'?
Hang on, love.

[prancy]

Things I've noticed this week.

Johnny, Congratulations on Day 5. It takes commitment and strength to get there. I am on Day 30 and I can so totally relate to what you have posted. I even thought there were more billboards than before! All depicting happy, sexy, healthy people having a great time. That is so NOT what I looked like last time I had a binge. As I have an active social life that includes lots of wonderful people who LOVE to drink, even in this first 30 days, I have been exposed to drinking situations about 12 times. Because it is such a departure from my previous behavior, it definitely gets noticed. I just say that I haven't been feeling up to my usual self for a few months and I am trying a new health regime. Someone always says....you can't have EVEN one? And I say, well, I have stopped for a while and I am feeling better so I don't think I will tonight. So far it has worked wonders. Even if everyone keeps sayings, feel better!
prancy

[sk8punk]

Things I've noticed this week.

I was a binge drinker too. I had similar feelings at first. My counsuler said it was a type of "mourning". You no longer are depending on your crutch and miss it. Many of us, myself included drank for every and any reason. These feelings will go away.
The feelings of being a outsider will go away too. YOu just have to figure out your stratagy. I'm completly honest. I just tell people I don't drink. If pressed for more information I tell them because I'm a alcoholic. I've actually got very positive reactions to this. May not work for you.
Good luck to you Johnny. Keep up the good work!

[Johnny]

Things I've noticed this week.

Guys I cannot begin to tell you how greatful I am and how bolstered I feel by your support, I had logged on just now as I am about to go out (I'm on London, UK time) to watch the football (soccer if you must) and I feel that I am about to face my hardest test so I was hoping to cast a line for a bit of support, but now I feel I already have it from your responses.

I am getting a really positive vibe from this you guys and I feel stronger for checking in with y'all! I realise tonight is going to be difficult but it's ginger ale for me and hopefully some understanding company.

BTW sk8punk congrats on 70 days, that's a brilliant achievement, I hope that i'll be able to do that and if it's cool I will consider you an inspiration.

[dancelot]

Things I've noticed this week.

Johnny - Enjoy the game - and you will actually remember all of it. I approach something like watching sports the way I would when I was a kid - that's the last time I could remember doing it without alcohol. It was fun then, it still will be. And I guarantee you, you will see heavy drinkers through very different eyes. Have a wonderful evening - AF!

[Meech]

Things I've noticed this week.

Hi Johnny,

I copy what many have said. I am dropping off my daughter at a friend's house for a sleepover and their mom said stay and chat and we'll have a beer on the deck. The problem is she can just have one or two max. If I start I'll be wanting to leave drive to the beer store and binge drink when I go home.

So my excuse when I go over there. My tummy is upset so I will just have water or a tea.
That way I won't be pressured.

It's hard and all those feelings you are having are part of the process. good luck.

[Johnny]

Things I've noticed this week.

Thanks again everyone, back from the game and still sober. Unfortunately the result for England was not what I wanted but I will remember it at least. I know what you mean Dancealot, it's so nice to be able to concentrate properly on a game I love. I was amazed at how drunk one of my friends was, let me enphasise that I am not being of critical of him, I care about my friends very much, it's just that usually I wouldn't notice as I'd be drunk too.

Feeling good now, 6 Days in.

Good night everyone, keep up the good work

[Guitarista]

Things I've noticed this week.

Congrat's on 5 day's Johhny! Great stuff.
I am also very big on 'exit plan's', as DG has mentioned. I drive myself to a social situation if it involves al, and leave if i start to get too anxious. (far less anxious these day's, and i can stay out for a few hours, as long as people haven't begun slurring and repeating themselves yet!) There is no debate if i need to leave, as close friend's and family know i'm off the sauce, and were totally understanding in the early day's when i'd seemingly all of a sudden start to 'panic' and have to leave. I forewarn folk's i might have to leave early, thereby leaving myself room to stay longer if i'm really enjoying myself, and find i'm relaxed with it all.
Anyway, just some thought's on what has worked for me.

Best wishes Johnny! Hang in there, and look at what you are getting back, and gaining...kid's, family, you....and look at what you are missing.......depression, anxiety, gloom, false happiness. Gratitude thinking, vs. Deprivation thinking.

Bravo on day 6 and surviving the footy!