Happy Fathers Day

[wannachange]

And it will be ... anyone who has followed my story so far will I hope be happy to know that arrangements have been made for me to be with my Son on Sunday... Fathers day.
Months of pain and anguish solved with one meeting tonight with my wife, her solicitor, my advisor and myself.
Going forward then, a few hours during the week and at weekends eventually leading to unrestricted access once I can prove I remain dry and responsible and this with the possibility of reconciliation over time.
Happy days, happy Fathers day and my goodness the future looks so bright.. as as Limers would say, I need sunglasses :H

[Chillgirl]

Happy Fathers Day

Wanna I SO SO happy for you! Thats wonderful news and what an incredible incentive for staying sober!! Well done for all your good work and for staying positive. :l

[greeneyes]

Happy Fathers Day

Wanna, I'm over the moon for you!!! (oney taught me "over the moon" ) That is absolutely wonderful!!

[one2many]

Happy Fathers Day

What better present could you ask for??

[wannachange]

Happy Fathers Day

Thanks, after 6 months I hope he remembers me, should never have happened and my wife and I totally regret it did - but it did and its nobodies fault but my own for allowing it to happen, we live and learn and now there is something to look forward to. Thanks to everyone here for making that possible, seriously it would never have happened without you guys.

[Grateful]

Happy Fathers Day

Wanna: That is fantastic news and well deserved!!! I am so, so happy for you. Things are looking up, Buddy. Congratulations!!

[betty boop]

Happy Fathers Day

Wanna, I have been really busy and only just checked in here for the 1st time in many days and I'm so glad I did .............

I truly know how much you need this break with your son, and I also know how low you were a few weeks ago because of it, and can't possibly put into words how happy I am to hear this ........

Have a great day ...........

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Happy Fathers Day

Excellent news young man, no more than you deserve for your perseverance and acceptance.

[techie]

Happy Fathers Day

GREAT NEWS WANNA. Happy Father's Day to you!

[rubywillow]

Happy Fathers Day

Oh, Wanna! SOOOO wonderful!! I cannot imagine being parted for my Daddy in his lifetime. They are such an influence on their children, and most adults don't realize how much they mean. You have made wonderful strides toward providing him the role model he needs. My Daddy wasn't perfect, but he is the man I judge all men by. An impossible standard, but Hubs comes close. The greatest trait I admire in my son and SIL is they love and cherish their children. You can do this, and rebuild anything you've lost. I am SO proud of you! And your son will be too.

[Draggy]

Happy Fathers Day

:l:l:l:l:l

[K9Lover]

Happy Fathers Day

Wanna~
I am soo, soo happy for you. Enjoy your time with your son :l

[IAD]

Happy Fathers Day

Thanks ! Happy Father's Day to all you other fathers out their ! ( I like those nice little offers from venders that show up around Father's Day ! Ha!) IAD

[sk8punk]

Happy Fathers Day

Great news Wanna! I've so happy for you. Your future is bright indeed! Happy Fathers Day.

[hippie37]

Happy Fathers Day

Wanna I was overjoyed to read this last night and I wanted to share with you this morning my own experience as a father in recovery.

I currently have access with my 5 year old daughter twice a week with an overnight stay every other week-end (Saturday night). It just so happens I have her overnight tonight; so I will spend tomorrow morning (Father's Day) with her before I head off to Stonehenge for the solstice!

It took a lot of work on my part to get to this place. Not through the courts, solicitors, mediation etc. but changing my attitude and looking a bit closer to home i.e. within myself.

I fought tooth and nail to see my daughter in the beginning because I felt it was my right as a father to see my daughter no matter what. "I have rights!" etc. I scoured the Father's for Justice website and even joined their forum hoping to get some answers as to the best way I could get my daughter back in my life. I was at this point only having limited access and it was all on my ex's terms. The reason for this was because I kept relapsing and a particular incident occurred whilst she was in my care overnight that caused my ex great concern. I of course wanted everything on my terms and I had every right (of course!) to see my daughter no matter what the circumstances. We eventually agreed through the solicitors that I could see my daughter twice a week (no overnights) on the proviso that I didn't consume alcohol 24 hours prior to any access. What this did for me of course was literally give me permission in my mind to drink every other waking moment. I managed it for so long before eventually the inevitable happened AGAIN and I drank whilst out with my daughter one day. My ex could smell it all over me when I took her home that evening and we ended up having a heated argument in front of my daughter. I was lying through my teeth to my ex because I swore blind, even to myself, that I would NEVER drink again around my daughter. The end result being I wasn't allowed to see my daughter again until it was dealt with thoroughly through the courts. (We had tried mediation in the past but due to the allegations made against me, a written court order was needed for access as certain restrictions needed to be in place legally.)

The final court hearing was set for a few weeks after I'd finished treatment at an addiction treatment centre here in Liverpool. I had recommendations from my focal counselor, my support worker in a drug/alcohol support agency and a letter from my GP. Now here's the great thing that happened for me. I felt a lot of these were irrelevant apart from them holding some weight with the judge to make a decision. My ex and I had already agreed on terms for access away from the solicitors, courts, judges etc and the reason being I stopped fighting her. As I was progressing through treatment I was told some harsh truths about myself and particularly from the women in my group. I came to realise that these women were right. As mothers themselves they told me the reality of how a mother would feel if they allowed their child to be in the care of a partner who was drunk. I cried long and hard after hearing this. I started to put myself in my ex partners shoes for once and see it from her point. It was at this point that I spoke to my ex partner and made some amends for the way I had been as a father to my daughter. I had to accept that I put drink and drugs before my daughter. This was hard because I loved my daughter to bits. I would do anything for her. Yet I still couldn't get sober for her. When things started to change within me, then things started to change outwardly as well. I'd always blamed my ex for being "too controlling" and the feeling I had over my access rights was no different. It only added fuel to the fire in all honesty and I came to see that I was fighting my ex. I wasn't fighting my ex for access, I was fighting my ex. My anger was directed at her. "How dare she stop me seeing my daughter, bitch!" kind of attitude. I took it so personal.

Now don't get me wrong here I didn't become a door mat. I still felt it necessary to get legal access through the courts so I had peace of mind in the future. That future is continually looking brighter the more I work at my sobriety. My ex and I are becoming a bit more flexible with days I see her and for the first time in 2 years I'll be having my daughter for a full week during the summer holidays. My ex and I get on great today. She has moved on with her life and has a new partner and a new baby who was 1 only last week. I feel love for my ex today and I thought I'd never feel that towards her. She's the mother of my child and there will always be a bond there but that's all. I entered the relationship a drunk and a co-dependent with major issues. So although what I thought was love back then was probably a very warped notion of it. There will never be any kind of reconciliation other than that of me being the best dad I can to my daughter. We both have her interests at heart today.

What I did find during the first couple of months I had my overnight access back was that I felt really sad when she went home on the Sunday. These overnight stays meant I wasn't clock watching all the time. I was engaging more with her on an emotional level because I was gaining some emotional maturity back myself. I had days with her where I just cried watching her. I had a moment only last week-end where she was lying asleep on me and I couldn't help but feel so grateful for the life I have today. Tear of joy today though wanna, not self pity.

Do EVERYTHING you need to do to maintain your sobriety because, from that stems all these wonderful moments you will have with your son in the future.

I'm so happy for you. Have a beautiful day with your son tomorrow and I hope things keep getting better for you.

Many Blessings
Phil