Struggling

[Holding On]

Hi everyone. I have over four months of sobriety in and for that I am most thankful. Lately though my thoughts have been consumed by the thought that maybe I could drink again...on the weekends, special occasions. The drinking dreams come every night, and sometimes are so vivid that they stay with me throughout the next day. I am 42, married with two teenaged children. My family is very proud that I have quit drinking and I know that it would disappoint them horribly if I started again. I would truly appreciate any and all advice.:thanks:

[greeneyes]

Struggling

Hi Holding on. Congratulations on the 4 months!

Here is something to consider. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...day-43098.html

[rubywillow]

Struggling

Holding, you've reached the 'confident stage', where you have to be most on your guard. It happened to me, probably to most. It happens to people with years of sobriety. Focus on who you are now, and who are you then. Focus on what your family thought of you then, and now. What your mind is telling you almost NEVER happens, but becomes a rapid slide back to the old ways. Come here often, talk, ask for help! Confide in someone, maybe your husband? and ask for help and support. We're here, somewhere, some thread almost all the time. Hang in there.

[techie]

Struggling

Holding On - Hello and welcome. Before I joined MWO I had six months of sobriety. I thought I had it licked. I began to miss the social aspect of meeting at the bar after work. I started again. I managed to get a few weeks of light to moderate drinking in but soon spiraled back to heavy drinking. Take what information you can glean from this site and the wonderful folks here. You want to carefully consider what you would be giving up by picking up a drink. Congrats on your four months and I wish you well going forward!

[reneesmiles]

Struggling

I had 10 years of sobriety and the same thoughts crossed my mind.

I drank moderately at first and then my consumption kept increasing. I went through 3 years of literal hell before I got help again.

Those thoughts can be pretty powerful and I'm sure most of us have had them. They lie.

One thing that helps me now is to tell my mind, "You are lying to me." To keep that in the forefront of my mind...

Good luck and congrats on 4 months of sobriety!

[hart]

Struggling

4 mos. of sobriety is great! Good job. The alcohol voice is very trickey isn't it? That voice remembers some of the only times it felt good and has a sudden lapse of memory of the times you wanted to die of humiliation, u wanted to cringe due to the looks of your loved ones after you drank and made a fool of yourself, said awful things, acted awful......you don't remember those times when you think of drinking do you?

If you could drink and only get the pleasurable buzz and quit....you would have. Alcoholics can't. We increase our drinking until we are miserable, our families are miserable and we risk actions that can't be undone......

Hold steady to your sobriety hon.

[Doggygirl]

Struggling

Congrats on 4 months of sobriety!

I too had those thoughts after a couple months AF. At 60 days, I believed I could somehow drink and have different results. :H:H:H The results were NOT different and in less than a week I was back to my old patterns / volumes and then some. I knew right away what a mistake it was for me to drink. For some reason, I could not seem to get back on the wagon. So I put myself through an extra EIGHT MONTHS of misery before I somehow managed to get AF again for more than a day or two at a time.

Seems that all of us have these thoughts, and many of us act on the thoughts - mainly with regret. My vote? Don't do it.

DG

[hazeleyes]

Struggling

Hi Holding On
Great advice already given. Just want to add that maybe you could write a list of how your life has changed for the better since being AF. Keep this list up visually somewhere, to remind you when the doubts come.

I'm so grateful to be AF because
No more dehydration
No more depression
No more excercising like crazy to control my weightgain
No more beating myself up for drinking again
No more throwing up and passing out
No more thoughts of suicide
No more anxiety and regret about drinking...

Its easy to forget the benefits, but this is a great place to come and be reminded. I also find helping others who are new and struggling also helps me to stay AF.
Best wishes
Hazeleyes

[hillsidetime]

Struggling

Hi Holding, and congrats at your 4 months. I know that your children are very proud for sure. As far as your question goes, I am reminded of the saying that goes along these lines "the greatest trick the devil ever did, was convince you he didin't exist" - that is how I see alcohol in those situations, where I forget how much trouble it has caused me, how much pain, how little control I have over it etc. For myself, I know that I can't moderate or social drink, my brain is not wired that way. I tried for 10 years to quite / moderate etc and almost lost my family, everything, hit rock bottom etc. Some people can moderate, perhaps you are one of them. For me, I know I can't. All the best to you,
Hill

[Holding On]

Struggling

Hi everyone. First I want to apologize for taking so long to reply...but I am sending out a very big thank you for every one of you who responded to my post. Because of you I didn't drink and now have five months of sobriety. I don't ever want to go back to that dark place where I was before...I guess I needed to be reminded of that by people who truly understand. Truly this is a daily battle for me but each day I think of these posts and it has helped me so much. In the past five months I have saved about three thousand dollars by not drinking, lost twenty pounds and have never had such a strong relationship with my husband as I do now. Tonight I went to my niece's birthday party, there was alcohol, but for once I wasn't bothered by the fact that I couldn't drink. So I'm still holding on and am very grateful for it.

[1967]

Struggling

Watch some of these videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVgPk-rV3PM&NR=1[/video]]YouTube - Recovery 2 Dealing with your feelings
cut and paste... sorry I do not know how to quickly insert a link.

I've been watching these clips on addiction and it is so good to hear what I already know as fact articulated by a trained physician.

I am wishing you strength and all the good things you deserve.

[mama bear]

Struggling

Holding On
If it matters, you have been inspiring to someone like me who has just started their sober life....

[Holding On]

Struggling

Thanks 1967!
mama bear ~ You have just brought tears to my eyes, in a good way! It matters a lot...thank you so much. Believe me, if I can do this, you can too. Wishing you all the best!

[mama bear]

Struggling

Thanks honey
I am a married, 48 year old mother of two........like you!!!
Congratulations on your success thus far!!!!!
Stay in touch with us..