Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Today I made some progress.

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
    #1

    Today I made some progress.

    Hi all,

    Just got back from my weekly bit of me-time on the psychotherapists couch after what was quite an emotional day. I have been AF for 9 days now after having to admit that my binge drinking had become a real problem and passed a couple of difficult tests this weekend, but the one thing that I hadn't bargained for was that when I am not 'using' in any way for any kind of comfort I am radically exposed to feelings that I have been avoiding for years.

    For the purposes of a little background, I am recently separated from a long term relationship and it is the first time I have been truly alone... ever! I have always 'hidden' in relationships or comforted my sense of isolation with AL or various compulsions and addictions over the years. Having decided to quit, for the first time today I came to terms and acknowledged the fact that I am an Alcoholic. I opened up to a friend/collogue who has been sober for 8 years and it felt pretty good. This has increased my sense of exposure, isolation and vulnerability and after speaking to my ex tonight for a little while (whom I'm happy to say I am still on good terms with) I was hit with the reality of my feelings and broke down.

    I've got so much shit I've got to deal with and booze is just one of them! I sometimes get so tired of feeling like I'm fighting life all the time! I hope this doesn't sound self indulgent. Over the last week or so you guys have been really supportive and I'm in a pretty reflective and gentle mood at the moment so I just wanted to say that I'm an Alcoholic.

    And I think I am becoming addicted to Acronyms!
    "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

    AF since 13 June 2010.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Today I made some progress.

    Hey Johnny

    That's a great step forward for you! Many Congratulations!!!! I am an alcoholic too, I realised about two days ago. Still getting my head around it basically lol.
    I told my hubby yesterday, and he said "No - you just don't know when to stop" - ha! So fantastic that you have spoken to at least one person that supported you! That's great!

    All the very best for the future - thanks for sharing your news - I'm new on the site, so it's great to think that I'm not alone, and that people like you (and I) are there to say hi occasionally and "get" it.
    Elle

    Comment

      #3
      Today I made some progress.

      Hi still,

      You know I think it is a difficult thing for friends and loved ones to accept. I feel afraid that will become detatched from those I am close to and I think that they will probably feel that too. This is no doubt caused by the subtle and even unconcious rituals that surround a drinking culture which help to make it acceptable in society and comfortable for the individual. No doubt if ourselves and our loved ones work it out together it can only serve to make us stronger.

      Glad we're able to offer each other some support my friend.
      "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

      AF since 13 June 2010.

      Comment

        #4
        Today I made some progress.

        Thanks mate

        Really appreciate the reply.....probably sounds ridiculous but I felt (feel) that I am the only one (as everyone else I know has such a HANDLE on drinking - they don't understand why I am pissed most of the time) - I know that I am a strong capable person in every other area - yet am judged as "weak" in this....it's actually a bleedin' hard life to keep up lol. Hey, if I didn't drink and smoke, I'd be a bloody Ironwoman ha ha!
        Seriously though, I agree - it helps to hide in relationships/drink to numb the pain - it's the coming out from behind the wall that hurts....I've got one leg over maybe....
        So glad to hear that you have taken a massive leap at the wall - think SAS obstacle course - it won't stop hurting till its finished....
        I also have the problem that people around me don't seem to want me to change - a girlfriend just dropped of more wine (she doesn't drink) - I told her I was an alcoholic, and she laughed at me, then said "you won't be, once you open that..." bugger...

        Comment

          #5
          Today I made some progress.

          Wonderful post, Johnny! Are you sure you're not related to Hippie? :H
          Really, the two of you share so many of the things in your lives. I hope you click on his name and read all his posts.
          If life was easy, everyone would do it. That's what I used to tell my kids when they struggled. We all suffer, in one way or another. Many people who went through all the drama of being young, dating, raising children, working 20, 30 years often underappreciated, now find our retirement and health threatened. So, truly, almost anyone here can empathise with you. But you are fighting the good fight. And posting here is GREAT!!
          sigpic
          Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
          awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

          Comment

            #6
            Today I made some progress.

            Thanks Ruby.

            Still, it sounds to me like you need those around you to understand what's going on. It can be tough assertng yourself when it comes to drink, often because when we recognise a problem in ourselves, others feel as though the light which we have switched on in our own minds will also cast a light upon them and believe me what you/we are doing takes a lot of courage and would be a difficult test for anyone. If people continue to bring drink to you it will be hard to say no, but say cool and stay dry and soon enough the message will sink in. I know it will be hard but keep in touch, we are all here to support one another. My heart goes out to you my friend, it's hard to make others understand, think of yourself as a trailblaizer who is walking her own path, which others are free to follow if they wish.
            "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

            AF since 13 June 2010.

            Comment

              #7
              Today I made some progress.

              Johnny, the day I finally accepted that I am an alcoholic and cannot ever drink safely was the first day of the rest of my life. I was finally free of that ball and chain so I could start the task of clearing the wreckage of my past and figuring out who I want to be when I grow up.

              Don't feel overwhelmed by it. Trust that the task will be made possible by staying sober. Heck, you might just find you can enjoy the journey to "you."

              Congrats on 9 days AF and that all important acceptance.

              DG
              Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
              Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

              One day at a time.

              Comment

                #8
                Today I made some progress.

                Soon you will be able to say 'I was an alcoholic once, but I'm not any more.'
                I know some say once an alky always an alky. I don't believe it.
                If you stop doing the crime then you can stop doing the time.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Today I made some progress.

                  Awesome Johnny keep moving forward. Simply stated, it's a bitch dealing with this disease, but so rewarding when you get a grip on it! Umm, acronym? you're next
                  Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Today I made some progress.

                    Blue Heeler;893293 wrote: Soon you will be able to say 'I was an alcoholic once, but I'm not any more.'
                    I know some say once an alky always an alky. I don't believe it.
                    If you stop doing the crime then you can stop doing the time.
                    I can only speak for myself but I will always be an alkie and I believe that. Being an alcoholic is like being alergic to alcohol. I'm fine as long as I don't drink it, but if I drink it there is going to be a very bad reaction. Even after 2 years sober, I'm still an alcoholic. I cannot drink safely - that hasn't changed at all. But as long as I don't drink, life is good.

                    To me there is not a negative connotation with being an alcoholic any more than there is with having any other allergy. The negative for me would be turning back to being an ACTIVE alcoholic. I don't ever want to go there.

                    I relapsed because I believed after a bit of sobriety that maybe I was fixed. Let me tell you, I was NOT fixed. And I hope I am never foolish enough to think that ever again.

                    Just my 2 cents as I think you raise a very important issue.

                    DG
                    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                    One day at a time.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Today I made some progress.

                      Ditto. I did it after 1 year AF.
                      sigpic
                      Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Today I made some progress.

                        Thanks DG. I think it is important too. I don't like the idea of people carrying the burden of 'being an alcoholic' whether they drink or not. I don't see the plus. I know it's a device to protect against relapse, but it's just that, a 'device.'

                        Alcoholism has multiple and conflicting definitions. In common and historic usage, alcoholism is any condition that results in the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, despite health problems and negative social consequences. ...
                        When one no longer drinks then the "continued consumption" no longer applies and the term 'alcoholic' cannot apply either.

                        Maybe I'm just being pedantic but if I'm cured, I'm cured. I no longer have the disease.
                        Your thoughts?

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Today I made some progress.

                          Hi Johnny,
                          I can identify with so much in your story.
                          Being tired of 'fighting against life'.............Oh Yes !
                          I've also noticed when I'm not drinking for long periods of time, and dousing emotions, that they do come back to haunt me. I think it becomes more managable over time. I think it's like growing up in a sense and learning to live again like an adult.

                          Not an easy process, is it ?
                          If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
                          Rejoined life 20/5/19

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Today I made some progress.

                            If you always do what you always did,
                            Then you'll always get what you always got....

                            If I approached a young girl today and said 'How about it'...I don't think I'd get what I always got in years gone by. My day for pedantry. Comes from being bored.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Today I made some progress.

                              Blue Heeler, I view my own alcoholism like a view an alergy. I don't get the bad consequences if I don't take a drink. But I still have the alergy. Much like the person who is alergic to peanuts.

                              I really fought acceptance of the fact I am an alcoholic. And I couldn't get away from the problem until I fully accepted it. 95% acceptance didn't do it for me - I relapsed.

                              Just my 2 cents...

                              DG
                              Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                              Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                              One day at a time.

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 template Next
                              Working...
                              X