Desensitisation to Embarrassment

[byebyebridgetjones]

Today's ponderances, from the brain of Bridget Jones......
I've isolated a new phenomenon in myself, folk.
I've realised that I have spent so many years getting pissed and making a goose of myself in front of other people, that I am now almost immune to embarrassment.
I suppose it is many years of waking up and having flashes of recollection of my previous night's antics, knowing full well that the other assembled company will probably recollect perfectly well. But of course by then, it's too late.
After all the years of rationalising, trivialising and simply laughing 'away' my humiliation, I can't help but think that this strange dichotomy contributes to not only the poor esteem that others hold us in, but much more importantly, the dignity and self esteem with which we regard ourselves. This despite all of our attempts to deny.
Most of us don't have to imagine what this slow erosion does to our sense of self worth.
Don't you wish life had a 'Delete' button ?

[girly wirly]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

goodness bbbj

i sooo wish it had a delete button and a rewind button, so i could take a good look at myself whilst drunk. see myself through other peoples eyes. this post really hit home for me. i have no self worth, like you say, maybe i exchanged my self esteem for drinking a long time ago.

thanks for the food for thought!

[tiptronic_ct]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Bridge, its too early in the day for me to ponder too much.

My experience has been and still is that time is the only remedy: as it passes and you re-learn what life is about, these feelings (and the cringing) eventually fade and go away. So do the regrets.

And you also learn to be more gentle with yourself

[startingover]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Bridge
Funnily enuff I dont wish I had a delete button. I think that these experiences make us what we are today. Compassionate, understanding people who have lived a bit, made mistakes but ultimately learnt much about life, problems and ourselves.

Tigger is right, be gentle on yourself

[one2many]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Some things I wish I could delete, others not so much...

I wish I could delete those times when I was drunk and did or said something totally stupid.

But I am grateful I remember those times because I call on them constantly as a reminder when I get the feeling "one won't hurt".

I wish I could get back all that time that I wasted drinking and not living.

But I am grateful that I stopped when I did and that my life now stretches out before me full of hope and promise and I am glad that I can compare the two.

I wish I could delete every single drunken mistake or bad judgement I have ever made.

But I am grateful I have learnt by my mistakes and know in my head they will not ever be repeated again.

I wish I could erase the feeling of shame when I think of drunken incidences of the past.

But I am grateful that I am not longer that person but I have the compassion and experience to identify it in other people and understand insted of judging.

I wish I had had never had a drink problem.

But I am grateful that because I did, I came here and found some of the best friends I will ever know.

I wish I could sometimes bury the dependant, sad, loathsome, depressed mess that I was.

But I am grateful for the happy, confident, worthwhile woman that emerged from the mess....she may have been buried forever, I am so glad I found her again.

I regret the amount of money, time and effort I wasted on alcohol.

But I am grateful now for the quality of my life, the time I now spend with my family and the fact I am building good memories instead of not remembering at all.




At times I wish I could change the past...but sometimes the past changes you...

There comes a point when you're more important than your past.

Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present.

As we grow older, it's not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do. That's why God created tomorrows for us makes things up.

:l:l Bridge.

[johnnyh]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Great Thread, Great posts.

hOney, particularly great way of putting these things. It comes down to the philosophy of attitude of grattitude. YOu got a great way of looking at these things.

I'm half way between the two myself. While I on the one hand wish I had a delete button at times it is soo true that it's those moments that/experiences make us what we are and help us to change the future.

Had I not had these emberrassing moments, would I really be in a place right now where I have decided to quit drinking? Also those moments are the moments I remember when the old urge comes back.

Would I want a delete button to delete that first drink I had ever had to lead to the many more and to my alcoholism? I don't believe either. It really is my experiences that make me who I am and that give me the passion and compassion for life and people. I am grateful that I can encourage other people to quit drinking because I have been through this myself. I've seen both sides of the coin.

So I guess, no delete button. Time indeed is the thing that turns these things into experiences rather then embarrassments.

Love this thread. Thanks for posting Bridget.

[wannachange]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Very well said Oney!
No I don't wish there was a delete button, I am glad I went through what I did for when I get back with my family or at very least move on I can be sure I will never make the same mistakes again. If I didn't go through this then I would be still drinking and perhaps still with my family doing the same things, I am glad for this experience.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

girly wirly;893459 wrote: goodness bbbj

i sooo wish it had a delete button and a rewind button, so i could take a good look at myself whilst drunk. see myself through other peoples eyes. this post really hit home for me. i have no self worth, like you say, maybe i exchanged my self esteem for drinking a long time ago.

thanks for the food for thought!

Yes Yes YES !!!
That was the other part of today's epiphany...
What if I'd had a video-cam strapped to my head the whole time...........let's call it Bridge-cam........and I could sit down sober the next day and review the full horror of my drunken shenanigans...........I bet I would have stopped drinking YEARS ago........and saved myself........well...........irreparable loss really.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Excellent attitude folks.
Hopefully one day soon I'll stop wasting (more) time in the shame game.
We'll see.
But I do feel like permanently moving to a new area until living memory of me subsides :H

Don't we love it when we wake up and remember throwing ourselves at a blokey that we like, but is not interested in us, then when he says 'No' ...just continuing to have a crack ?
(Because, as we all know, an alcohol stinking cougar is EXACTLY what he wants in his face)

Or walking around all night, oblivious to the fact that our (tiny) skirt is tucked into the back of our undies.

Nope I'd like to delete these from my own, and others memories.:H

Roll on the return of dignity !!!!

[Guitarista]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Live where you're happy living Bridget. If you feel more comfortable moving, then go for it. :h

[Mrs Donovan]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

one2many;893465 wrote: Some things I wish I could delete, others not so much...

I wish I could delete those times when I was drunk and did or said something totally stupid.

But I am grateful I remember those times because I call on them constantly as a reminder when I get the feeling "one won't hurt".

I wish I could get back all that time that I wasted drinking and not living.

But I am grateful that I stopped when I did and that my life now stretches out before me full of hope and promise and I am glad that I can compare the two.

I wish I could delete every single drunken mistake or bad judgement I have ever made.

But I am grateful I have learnt by my mistakes and know in my head they will not ever be repeated again.

I wish I could erase the feeling of shame when I think of drunken incidences of the past.

But I am grateful that I am not longer that person but I have the compassion and experience to identify it in other people and understand insted of judging.

I wish I had had never had a drink problem.

But I am grateful that because I did, I came here and found some of the best friends I will ever know.

I wish I could sometimes bury the dependant, sad, loathsome, depressed mess that I was.

But I am grateful for the happy, confident, worthwhile woman that emerged from the mess....she may have been buried forever, I am so glad I found her again.

I regret the amount of money, time and effort I wasted on alcohol.

But I am grateful now for the quality of my life, the time I now spend with my family and the fact I am building good memories instead of not remembering at all.




At times I wish I could change the past...but sometimes the past changes you...

There comes a point when you're more important than your past.

Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present.

As we grow older, it's not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do. That's why God created tomorrows for us makes things up.

:l:l Bridge.

Wow! What a fantastic post - along with all the others here.

[gyco]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

hi bbbj,i havent been here for a while,great thread,think on what your saying,if only realising you have a problem,is what you get,or understand,thats an accomplishment in its self,im speaking of myself,people like us never give oursleves enuff credit,its not the drugs or alchohol,its life in general,i said it when i started here,were all like a clown,we hide behind a face,sometimes happy,sometimes not,i wish you well my dear,youll figure it out,in your time gyco

[byebyebridgetjones]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Absolutely right folks.
We can't go back, so there's only two places to go....nowhere or forward.......
I'm sure that as we rebuild our self esteem, confidence, self compassion and forgiveness follow.

[Grateful]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

Amen, Bridge and Oney - your post says it all for me. You have such a way with words!!

[Guitarista]

Desensitisation to Embarrassment

byebyebridgetjones;893510 wrote: Absolutely right folks.
We can't go back, so there's only two places to go....nowhere or forward.......
I'm sure that as we rebuild our self esteem, confidence, self compassion and forgiveness follow.

And how do we that? By being alcohol free. By making a commitment to something important to us, and following through. Be very sure, that as we demonstrate to ourselves commitment to being completely alcohol free, e.g. a 30 day stretch, then onward's to 60 day's etc, we will rebuild our self esteem, and the other stuff above will follow. We need to see ourselves following through with commitment's we have made (to ourselves). A sense of pride will follow. Eventually, forgiveness will come.