need a little advice

[Nobody]

hello all. I need a little help with something. My sister who I have not seen or spoken to in over a year is coming in from connecticut today to my mom and dad's. That's fine but my brother is also coming in today. I really want to see my brother but I cant stand the thoughts of seeing my sister. This is day 3 for me sober and I dont think I can stand her cynical looks and whispered remarks. Thats just the way she is and everytime we get together we always end up in a cussing match which she always wins because I leave. Idont like to argue, especially now that I am on the path of recovery. On the other hand, I read somewhere that the path to recovery is making amends with those you have had trouble with before. Please someone give me some advice.

[Chillgirl]

need a little advice

Nobody - I think you should go, 1st of all to see your brother and also maybe now you are not drinking you will be more in control and be able to deal with your sister and her remarks. Remember conflict cannot exist without your participation and if your sisters starts, just smile and agree with her, she will soon find it difficult to argue without a response from you! Forgiveness is the most powerful thing we can do and we do it for ourselves to allow us to grow and move on. I would love to hear how it goes...

[rubywillow]

need a little advice

Yes, Nob. Go, but be silent and ignore her remarks. Make a point of enjoying your brother, and your sobriety. HE is the focus of your attention, make the most of it. Think of her as a mosquito in the room, annoying but avoidable. Have YOUR kind of family experience, not hers. If you are obviously enjoying yourself, and all the others around you, the annoying one will be the one left on the outside trying to fit in. Also remember, she has her own problems, reasons, insecurities. Do what it takes to enjoy your experience, but return each slight with abundant kindess. A knowing smile (not a smirk) goes a long way towards driving your tormentor nutz! I don't know your sister, or her motivation. A relationship some day would be wonderful, but on your terms, too. Take things you want, leave the rest. A sparring match doesn't work with just one. My kids (your age!) are different as night and day, but are there for each other because they love and respect their differences. Good luck, but work it your way!