girly's progress

[Ringing Cedars]

girly's progress

I should have known better than to question that Girly. I remembered you saying how you love to share some wine with your husband and hence the thought. I am sorry! You are doing much better. Congratulations.

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

stirly-girly;903399 wrote: You have come a long way. It's just that the way your post was worded, it sounded like you were already planning on a weekend binge. :goodjob: Good for you. Keep it up. :huggy

sorry, i see what you girls mean, it does seem like my intensions are 5 days off, two days binge, binge, binge by whats written! if only typing had a tone of voice! al just keeps getting the better of me still on fridays! but every friday i will try and abstain. i guess im just surprised that the problems i have now, in comparison to attempting suicide are so much less. my mind is in such a different place now. just seventeen days ago i wanted to die, now i only have to deal with the guilt of any drinking that i do. i know where i'd rather be! it's all thanks to you lot that i've come so far.
odat folks. it's really working for me. i'm grateful all you guys look out for me and post me help and advice when i need it x:l

[rubywillow]

girly's progress

Again, GW, you're really using your head these days. Most of us have tripped, some of us many times, on our journeys. But you're recognizing your triggers, using everything it takes to defeat them. Congratulations again on that. It's really seeing and understanding ourselves that makes us win.

[mollyka]

girly's progress

Glad you are feeling so much stronger GW and as Ruby says you are recognizing your triggers and obviously Fridays are one major trigger so best to start arming yourself for next Friday, get a plan for the day and stick with it, don't worry about Sat, just Fri, and when you have managed one Friday AF the next one will seem so much easier cos you will have broken the association.
You are doing well, very well - keep it up
Molly

[mama bear]

girly's progress

baby you are putting WAAAAAYYYYYY too much pressure on yourself.......

[Sunnyvalenting]

girly's progress

get a special calendar that has no fridays on it!

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

mama, you're right, but the task lists are helping to keep things in perspective xx

nearly caved lastnight. i asked hubby if i could go to the shop for wine as i was tired and a bit grumpy. what i really meant was "can i go for four beers and a bottle of wine?"

he said no. when i asked "why?" in that baby voice i do when i want my own way, he just said "you know fine well why, lets go watch tv in bed" so off we went. nice clear head this morning, although it's racing with housework jobs and i woke up at 4 am wanting to clear a cupboard, which i did. it would have been so much worse if i'd had a hangover. my jobs list would probably say, clean house, then climb mount kilimanjaro or something. instead, my list today says to clean the bathroom and hallway, small toilet and iron ten things. put 1 wash in. i can do that. might even deliver some of my hubby's business leaflets later if my back is ok.

hubby took care of me yet again. dunno which gutter i'd be in if it weren't for him! xxx

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

feel a little guilty this afternoon. more thoughts of wine this evening, but i won't as i have my therapy appointment and i need a clear head.

my sister told me my mam is blaming herself for my depression for moving away to spain. i've got to admit my parents leaving has left me feeling utterly rejected. i resent it. i asked them not to go in the first place. i'll be talking to the therapist alot about this. my mam is very quiet and i think she thinks i'm horrible for resenting their living arrangements. she speaks to me so carefully as if walking on eggshells. i'm gutted, but i can't help how i feel.

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

therapy day today! i see the counsellor at 3pm.

i'm dreading it whilst looking forward to it. i know its gonna open floodgates of emotion, but i know it's the beginning to getting better! :upset:

[Panno]

girly's progress

Girly hope all goes well will be thinking of you :l

[mama bear]

girly's progress

girly....are you especially close to your parents????
why is them moving to spain tearing you up so bad????
I must admit I am noit especially close to my parents......

[techie]

girly's progress

Thinking of you Girly. I hope you have a productive session with couselor!

[one2many]

girly's progress

Hope the session goes well Girlie..be as honest as you can x

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

thanks everyone, had a very teary first session, talking about the past 6 months.

i have to keep an activity journal, and rate everything i do out of 100 for both achievement and pleasure. i also have to incorporate something into my day that i wasnt doing already, for example a short walk. appt same time next wed.

he said "tell me something you have achieved." i said "nothing." he said " your kids?" i said "yes but that's all" he said "your marriage?" i said "yes." "your qualifications?"
i replied "yes" again.

then he said. "you see. a minute ago you told me you'd never achieved anything in your life and you truly believed that. now you know different. a thought is just a thought, that doesn't mean it's a fact. work with that."

sheri pointed out this yesterday, now i've seen it in practice, it's so true!

mama i am close to my parents. my dad suffers the same as me anxiety wise and spain is his hiding place. i wasnt too bad when they first went over, but now nearly 4 years down the line they have a huge circle of friends over there that they talk about incessantly. they have a whole new life now that doesn't include me, my sister or their 5 grandchildren. they don't care. they barely know my sisters 2 youngest. i begged them in feb when my father in law died to come back. they didnt, shortly after that my dad was taken into hospital in spain with pancreanitis. he's a diabetic who has spent the last 40 years pouring pints down his throat. he's stopped drinking since, but apparently we just have to sit here and wait the next dreaded phonecall that one of them has taken seriously ill. they have no home over here, so when they do come back, we have to put them up, and my mother always outstays her welcome. they are quite messy too, so i have to give my privacy up with my husband for any length of time and tidy up after them with my shoddy back.:upset:

sorry i didnt mean to be so lengthy. perhaps i should print this post and give it to the councellor:H

[one2many]

girly's progress

Being a kind and compassionate friend here on MWO, answering so many posts and encouraging and helping people when you have so much to deal with yourself.

I would call that an achievement.

xxxx