girly's progress

[johnnyh]

girly's progress

Hey Girly.

A thought is just a thought. Thanks for sharing that. So true, it's the way depression really work hey?! they just seem to make everything miserable even when it isn't.

I'm sorry for your family experiences wrt your dad and fam. You're a stronger person then you think you are. You had an awful lot to cope with. I'm convinced you will beat your demons.

Luv, Johnnyh

[Panno]

girly's progress

Hi Girly, seems like you have achieved alot and more to come, I really like the way your counsellor put it.

Stay strong and remember you have your own family unit now to love and nurture, so sorry your feeling down about your parents.

Your words of comfort and compassion to others always comes from your heart and you should be proud of that.

Take Care

P x:l

[Ringing Cedars]

girly's progress

:l:l:l

[mama bear]

girly's progress

Girly...
you a beautiful young woman...literally
you have a happy marriage and it sounds like a loving supportive husband
you have healthy children that you love
you have family...even if they are far away
you have sisters nearby
you have your health...
YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR
I know when you are in the throes of depression it is hard to remember that......but try???? OK????

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

im not sure, but i think the last sober day i had was last monday. i'll never stop drinking.

i'm having anxiety attacks every day now. i know it's alcohol escelating these attacks. eg on friday i drove to the doctors. i left my bag on the back seat, with my vivienne westwood purse full of debit cards and id on full display in the car park. how it didnt get stolen i don't know.

then i went to the shop. my sister had driven me this time. she waited outside. i got a few things, then the panic haze came over. i'd lost my purse. i gave my basket to the lady to keep, ran to the car, it wasn't there. my sister gave me money to pay for the shopping. when i got back in the shop i got my basket back. my purse was in it. i paid on my debit card, then walked away leaving the card in the reader. the lady called me back and looked at me like i was weird. that afternoon, i lost my make up bag. i'd left it at my sisters. i spent two hours looking for it and refused to go away for the weekend until it was found.

yesterday, i forced myself to do the school run. my sister came with me. after about five mins in the yard the fear washed over. i cried all the way home, trying to take deep breaths. i couldnt even control the car. thats pretty much been me the last four days.

i've kept the journal the counsellor asked me to do. now i'm here. up at 4:30 am this morning, still half drunk, writing my impossible jobs lists again.

back to square one.

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

im not sure, but i think the last sober day i had was last monday. i'll never stop drinking.

i'm having anxiety attacks every day now. i know it's alcohol escelating these attacks. eg on friday i drove to the doctors. i left my bag on the back seat, with my vivienne westwood purse full of debit cards and id on full display in the car park. how it didnt get stolen i don't know.

then i went to the shop. my sister had driven me this time. she waited outside. i got a few things, then the panic haze came over. i'd lost my purse. i gave my basket to the lady to keep, ran to the car, it wasn't there. my sister gave me money to pay for the shopping. when i got back in the shop i got my basket back. my purse was in it. i paid on my debit card, then walked away leaving the card in the reader. the lady called me back and looked at me like i was weird. that afternoon, i lost my make up bag. i'd left it at my sisters. i spent two hours looking for it almost crying and rummaging at crazed speed through drawers and cupboards. i refused to go away for the weekend until it was found. a day filled with pure panic.

yesterday, i forced myself to do the school run. my sister came with me. after about five mins in the yard the fear washed over. i cried all the way home, trying to take deep breaths. i couldnt even control the car. i also went to two different shops for stuff i didnt need. in both shops i got that terrifying i have to get out signal. i came out of both shops with nothing. thats pretty much been me the last four days.

i've kept the journal the counsellor asked me to do. now i'm here. up at 4:30 am this morning, still half drunk, writing my impossible jobs lists again.

back to square one.

[KatieB]

girly's progress

girly wirly,
I truly hope you can start your counselling/therapy and recovery programme soon.. it sounds like you need some intense psychotherapy from some professionals.. you are not alone - i too have suffered with the type of panic attacks you have experienced.. though I dont get them anymore, i still dont like being in public places for too long. One of the things my counsellor taught me is when you feel anxiety, just feel it, feel how it feels in your body, take note of how and where it is causing any disruption in your body. take deep breaths and collect your thoughts.. "ride the panic" and it will subside.. the average panic attack only lasts 5-10 mins.. remember this.. Are you taking any anti-anxiety or anti-depressants? I truly hope you look after yourself today - get some sleep, rest, and drink lots of water and have some healthy food..
Katie xxx

[Guest]

girly's progress

Girly

The stuff you describe is so like I was when I was drinking - as well as inbetween my bouts. I know it's not that simple but honestly alcohol is making the attacks ten times worse. I too wrote lists like you do and had to make myself stop doing that in order to have a chance with stopping drinking. I still struggle and lost the plot yesterday over 100 days sober. I've got something very stressful coming up and it involves a million jobs to do by myself - the most important of which has just gone very wrong.

Only way I can keep sanity is by reminding myself "It will be ok as long as I don't drink". I know this doesn't help you right now as you are still drinking but it's something to think about. The drinking and the panics are almost definitely related in a cyclical way. Remove one and the other should follow. It is hard work though and I really hope you do get there.

By the way I used to lose everything all the time - purse, make up, jewellery, keys, phones. I do that a whole lot less sober but when I do(because I still do lose stuff) I know I will find it because I will have put it somewhere logical. Guess what?over the weekend I found earings, favourite lippy and underwear I'd misplaced and had mild panics over. I just try and believe I'll find it so the panics are much less.

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

thanks girls.

appointment tomorrow with the counsellor, who unfortunately is very attractive and i cry and snot all over when in there. but its all good. quite strange really, knowing youre going to cry at 3 pm tomorrow!

[mollyka]

girly's progress

Oh Girly - you are in a bad place at the moment. Cry and snot away tomorrow, you need all the help and advice you can get. I don't know what to say, UKB seems to know what you are talking about - I'm never organised enough to make lists drunk or sober.
Just keep coming here - use it as a lifeline to reach out to, this site has pulled people from worse places than you are in
Really thinking of you Girly, let us know how you get on tomorrow
Molly x

[KatieB]

girly's progress

girly - crying is very cathartic! i have cried occasionally in my sessions too.. i truly wish the best for you, and hope you get out all you can out of your sessions.. mine really were a turning point for me.. let us know how you get on,
Katie xx

[girly wirly]

girly's progress

wow! my therapy session today was fantastic! snot and tears everywhere!!

after talking for a little while, the counsellor said "our first aim is move forward and get you to start doing things again", i told him my first thought was "i dont want to."

he asked me what i wanted out of going for therapy. i said i didnt know how to answer him, as my mind is cluttered with so many different things i dont know what to solve first. so he asked me eack problem and wrote them scattered on a whiteboard. i was able to see exactly what i was dealing with. then underneath, he wrote how i was dealing with each one.

drinking. appointment next week for al. I made the phonecall. i sought help. i want help.

my weighti go to slimming world, even though i don't stick to it, i'm trying to address it

my parents living in spain there is nothing i can do about this.

inability to socialise i've made plans with friends to try and overcome this.

panic anxiety and depression. i sought help. i'm receiving help. its in hand. im taking medication and no longer in danger.

i felt like he decluttered my brain. like a weight has been lifted. it helped sooo much! i am dealing and coping with my shit. i can see everything clearly and not one whole tangled mess.

such progress in one hour! wow. he has asked me to nip negative thoughts that i have in the bud and ask where my evidence of the negative thoughts are.

i feel good x

[one2many]

girly's progress

That is FANTASTIC girlie, sometimes it just takes someone to show us the way..GOOD for you x

[JackieClaire]

girly's progress

Oh girly,
I've been that worried about you.
I adored my therapist (I know I keep saying it ). I'm so glad you're getting along with yours.
I actually spent one of my hour long sessions just crying and saying nothing and he just kept giving me tissues and I still felt better afterwards.
Sounds like a plan to me.
J x
:l

[stirly-girly]

girly's progress

Girlie, that is just fantastic. So much progress in one session. Amazing. It's so much better when you just deal with one thing at a time instead of letting yourself be overcome by so many thoughts and problems. Good for you. Looking forward to watching your progress...