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    #1

    Not such a positive note.

    Hi Everyone,

    Day 18 nearly over and it's starting to get really hard now.

    I can't run away from difficult feelings such as loneliness or fear of rejection. I had my Bro's wedding this weekend and stayed dry which in honesty wasn't too hard. Now I am back however doing the everyday stuff that is life, I am feeling it much more acutely. Today I became incredibly anxious and really felt the thirst. Normally I would get loaded as soon as I got in from work if I felt like this or worse still, hold out till the weekend when I could have a really regrettable binge. Now I am beginning to realise that drink has been stopping me from dealing with myself.

    My anxieties have been heightened by the fact that I have another wedding coming up with friends from Uni/College (four very drunk years) as well as my birthday which scares me the most. Before it would be so easy just to call up some people to go for a beer to celebrate but now I am going to have to do something else which makes me feel really rejected. Drink used to help me be comfortable holding court as the centre of attention, I realise now that this is not really me.

    I am going to have to come to terms with the fact that I am far shyer and less confident in certain situations that I thought I was.

    I don't feel as bad as I did earlier, but I know the honeymoon period is over now.
    "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

    AF since 13 June 2010.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Not such a positive note.

    Hey Johnny.

    In my still limited experience these feelings come and go. There's times it is a lot tougher and times it is a lot easier and joyfull. The very success of sobriety is I guess, how good you manage those bad times.

    So the most important thing to remember is that it's a season, it's only limited in time. It will be better again. Nothing worse then start thinking: It's so tough, what the hell I can't keep this up for life in anycase. Start thinking about how you're going to get through today and tackle the day in the same manner tomorrow. ODAT. And believe me when I tell you, there will be easier times again. Who knows, you might be feeling well better tomorrow, tonight, the day after tomorrow.

    The last time I really felt I couldn't cope anymore, 2 days later I felt like it never happened. So stick it out. It's so worth it!!! And yes, there is some relearning to be done, getting to know yourself again as a sober being and learning to cope with feelings.

    It's not all that bad doing these things AF. It's just in your mind. As it is in mine as well. It's a lie we have believed for too long. That we can't cope without AL.

    I wish you the very best. PLEASE, please stay strong mate.
    AF since 15th March 2010

    The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

    Comment

      #3
      Not such a positive note.

      Thanks Mate,

      It was a tough day today.

      There are so many hiding places from less comfortable feelings and drink is just one of them. I really appreciate the response mate. It really helps to know that there are people who are willing to take a minute or to to provide reassurance.

      I don't want to turn back, and the way forward seems so uncharted.

      I'm going to post a tune on the music section that I think sums up my feelings for the day. Check it out.

      Much Love!

      JohnnyW
      "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

      AF since 13 June 2010.

      Comment

        #4
        Not such a positive note.

        I know the feeling all to well Johnny. I've had plenty of such days in the past 3 and a half months. But you know what?! I total out of I think about 108 days now AF, about 10 of them or so have been miserable. Maybe a couple of ones tough, some more average but a lot of them fantastic. That compared to a potential miserable drunken 108 days!!

        You see, when you're going through tough times sometimes it's difficult to look beyond that challenge. All just seems so tough and worthless. But the reality is in the greater scheme of things these moments are always short lived. It's just our mind tricking us to give in, because it's so hopeless.

        You know what the greatest thing is that helped me through those day and days?! Doing exactly what you did right now. Sharing it with others and unburdining myself. There's great power in that!! Put it out in the open. Reach out.!!! So well, well done Johnny. How many ppl would have just given in and crawled into the bottle?! Probably a lot of ppl. But you are stronger. You've come on here and posted that you had a s$%t day instead.

        Keep fighting
        AF since 15th March 2010

        The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

        Comment

          #5
          Not such a positive note.

          Johnny,
          I'm 51 weeks AF today and I still plan big events if I know I'm going to feel uncomfortable. I use my arrive late, leave early strategy. When I get to an event I get my own drink first even if it's just a glass of water. Once you've got a glass in your hand you can just nod and say no thanks I'm good.
          As for birthdays, I had my best one ever this year. My first sober birthday in 20 years.
          You can do this, Johnny. Takes a little planning but I can guarantee you'll feel a whole lot better for not drinking.

          J x
          :l
          It could be worse, I could be filing.
          AF since 7/7/2009

          Comment

            #6
            Not such a positive note.

            Hey, Johnny

            Bloody well done on day 18! And even more so for coming here and posting - JohnnyH put it very well.

            I also have an exit strategy in place wherever I go and it gets easier and easier to handle over time (I'm just over 10 months sober). Yeah, it is helluva tough in the beginning. But you can handle it with an attitude such as yours - being open about your feelings and talking about it.
            I'll do whatever it takes
            AF 21/08/2009

            Comment

              #7
              Not such a positive note.

              You've done a wonderful job so far. Think, really hard, about what you want your future to look like, not just a few events that will pass, one way or the other. I have to say, I've seen a lot of people, in everyday walks of life, even musicians, lately, who do NOT drink. I've never said it, but how MUCH I respect them, and what great people they seem to be. I can't say that about the still drunk ones I come across. Just want you to know, people see you, the change in you, and they hold you in higher esteem because of it, even if they don't tell you. Come here if you need someone, OK?
              sigpic
              Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
              awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

              Comment

                #8
                Not such a positive note.

                rubywillow;899065 wrote: You've done a wonderful job so far. Think, really hard, about what you want your future to look like, not just a few events that will pass, one way or the other. I have to say, I've seen a lot of people, in everyday walks of life, even musicians, lately, who do NOT drink. I've never said it, but how MUCH I respect them, and what great people they seem to be. I can't say that about the still drunk ones I come across. Just want you to know, people see you, the change in you, and they hold you in higher esteem because of it, even if they don't tell you. Come here if you need someone, OK?
                Thanks everyone. Ruby, your advice is always so affecting. Bless you. I think I'll have a cry tonight
                "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

                AF since 13 June 2010.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Not such a positive note.

                  JackieClaire;899031 wrote: Johnny,
                  I'm 51 weeks AF today and I still plan big events if I know I'm going to feel uncomfortable. I use my arrive late, leave early strategy. When I get to an event I get my own drink first even if it's just a glass of water. Once you've got a glass in your hand you can just nod and say no thanks I'm good.
                  As for birthdays, I had my best one ever this year. My first sober birthday in 20 years.
                  You can do this, Johnny. Takes a little planning but I can guarantee you'll feel a whole lot better for not drinking.

                  J x
                  :l
                  That's a good game plan for the wedding Jakie, Thank you Perhaps my birthday will be a good one after all x
                  "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

                  AF since 13 June 2010.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Not such a positive note.

                    You're welcome, Johnny. And I mean it. You are influencing people you don't even realize with your good behavior. Misery loves company, so a drunk doesn't want to feel out of place any more than a sober person. :hug:
                    sigpic
                    Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                    awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Not such a positive note.

                      It can take quite awhile for us to feel comfortable in our new sober skin... especially at social gatherings. When you think about how many years that we trained our brains to think that alcohol is what we needed to be "social", then it's easier to give ourselves a break & let our new life skills take their time to "take hold". I used to have to have a few drinks before I showed up at some function, just to take the edge off of the awkwardness of being stone sober... thought I would feel more like "me" with a few drinks under my belt. (rolling eyes).

                      Your new comfort level will come in small increments...you will find that each time you put yourself into a situation that tests you, you will not only come out stronger, but have a new sense of the "real" you that hasn't had the opportunity to show itself in so many years.
                      I have found that not only do I laugh more, laugh louder, but... laugh earlier. Yep, I have as good of a time at 9 in the morning as I did around last call. This is a wonderful feeling!

                      Keep yourself busy & entertained at these functions by helping out & also people watching... nothing keeps our resolve not to drink than to watch some drunk make a total fool out of themselves.... and realize that used to be us! :H
                      AF 6 years
                      NF 7 years

                      A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Not such a positive note.

                        I'm a bit different from the other drinkers here in that I have never drunk at social occasions (except the pub of course). I always felt that in public I should keep my wits about me...for a variety of reasons, mainly to be able to handle any trouble that might happen. So, and even though I was a heavy drinker, it is possible to remain AF at social gatherings if you put your mind to it and have a good reason for it.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Not such a positive note.

                          Hi Johnny
                          Just want to thank you for sharing your experience. It does get hard sometimes but the advice you have received is exactly right, it will pass and you will feel better if you hang tough. I have up and down days as well, but the advice of fallenangel fits me as well. As I look back I see alot more happier times, alot more feelings of peace, alot less depression. Its worth the struggle.

                          Your doing great. Keep it up!
                          Allen Carr’s book changed everything for me. The easyway to control alcohol. Highly recommended

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Not such a positive note.

                            Ah yes. Alcohol as a social lubricant. Know that game well.
                            But I have also noticed that confidence is social situations is a skill that we can learn and build on, especially without alcohol.
                            As for weddings, well they push buttons for all of us on a variety of levels. Bloody hate them myself. They can also bring out the best, or worst in people (post traumatic Bridesmaid Syndrome here).
                            If you have to say 'no' to invitations at the moment, I'd just be doing it without guilt.
                            If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
                            Rejoined life 20/5/19

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Not such a positive note.

                              The wedding id going to be tricky. I have decided to get a train up there in the morning and a train back in the evening. I'll book it tonight and then it's one less thing. I can stay for the meal and then exit after and hour or two (with a little help from the forgiving forces of the universe). My birthday is going to be a meal out with a few mates, maybe followed by a show. During the day I am am going to be out with a load of kids who I volunteer for so they will probably keep me on the right track

                              Today has started well so thank you all for your kind advice. I will keep myself well fed and occupied. Hopefully today may be a little easier that yesterday.

                              Peace
                              "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

                              AF since 13 June 2010.

                              Comment

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