Question about childcare

[Accountable for Me]

Howdy!

My little one who is 5 has been attending this childcare/preschool center for almost a year.... 10 months. The past two months or more she has put up the wickedest fights in regards to going. She simply does not want to go, on a daily basis!

I don't know what went wrong. She liked it for quite sometime!

About 6 weeks ago I met with the childcare providers. I expressed my concerns about my daughter's resistance in attending.

They said that she is fine when she is there.... playing along, all happy.

Well, this morning when I dropped her off (again after a huge struggle/battle getting her there), her teacher was informing me that the 'girls' have been excluding my daughter for the past 2 weeks! And that my daughter has become pretty withdrawn, and not as assertive as she use to be.

I am quite upset with this. Why didn't they inform me of the change of behaviour before now? I have known that something was up because she didn't want to go. I just chalked it up to her being stubborn and just wanted to hang out with me! lol.

I want to pull her from there. She is obviously not happy. I don't want her to become 'depressed and withdrawn'.

What would you do? This is a very good preschool/daycare center... very Christian orientated.

Just curious on your thoughts. I am just about to go and get her. I am deadly serious about pulling her. But I am one to over-react. I know I should as her happiness is the utmost important - but I would like to know what you would do.

[Cinders]

Question about childcare

AFM,

I keep trying to answer this and then backing out.

These decisions are tough. On the one hand, you do not want your children mistreated by other children and ignored by staff. On the other hand, you want your child to develop the skills necessary to deal with life without relying on you to "make it better."

I hope what I just said makes sense. It never made sense to me. I just did what I could to make life as good as I could for my children without giving them an out when they needed to buck up and deal.

I was not always successful. We never are.

Just go with your heart.

I am sorry you are going through this but thank God you are doing it with a clear mind.

Love,
Cindi

[KatieB]

Question about childcare

Hi,
My son goes to daycare.. and he seems very happy there and doesn't fight at all about going..
All kids are different though.. if you feel your daughter is being picked on, I would definatly look for another childcare centre.. the teachers should really be doing something about her exclusion by the other girls! its just not on at all.. I would maybe have words with the teachers to see if they are doing anything about it.. if you are not happy with their actions/lack of action to help your daughter.. i would definately find somewhere else.. you want your little girl to be happy!
Though my son has resisted a couple of times when being dropped off, he still seems happy there overall.. a little bit of resistance every now and then is normal, but every time - and it sounds like she is really putting on a huge performance every time.. it sounds like she is not happy at that one.. i would look around for a different one,
Katie x

[Accountable for Me]

Question about childcare

Thank you both for your input.

It is hard when my daughter puts on the fight every morning... it truly is. Then with the daycare provider informing me that the other girls are excluding her just makes me feel so bad for her. I have no idea as to why they are.... Hailey was always greeted by the girls. I have no idea what happened!

I definitely have been forcing her to go over the past couple of months because I thought that maybe she was just being 'lazy' and didn't want to get ready to go. I thought that she was just copping out, so to speak because she would rather make a picnic on the floor for her and our cat instead of going.... but now I am sensing something else.

I will talk to them again. But I think that I will look around for some other childcare center. Only because I don't want her to be unhappy and after a couple of months of her NOT wanting to go, she probably isn't happy and isn't just unmotivated.

xo

[Going Strong]

Question about childcare

AFM,

I feel your pain. It is an aweful position to be in.

Has the teachers talked to the other children about this.

Sometimes it can get better on it's own but I understand that you are worried about her being withdrawn and depressed which creates a vicious circle for her to attract friends.

But then again I understand where Cindi is coming from too.

Sometimes we save and interfere with our kids too much and that leaves them without the skills to handle life in the future.

Sorry I am no help I know there is not right or wrong answer with this one.

Go with your gut! Thats my best advice.

Take Care

Shas

[shelbysmiles]

Question about childcare

I have a 5 yo girl as well. She started this pre school in the middle of the year and most of the children have been at this center for years (it is also a daycare). At her evaluation I was told that sometimes she does not get along well with the other girls. But, she does get along good with some of the boys. It made me sad that cliques were already forming at preschool. And it made me sad to think of my daughter feeling left out. But our difference is that my daughter never let on that she was unhappy. She still loves the school.

Did they mention why she was being excluded? In my daughters case it was because she always wanted to be the leader but the other "alpha" girls were not having it. I talked to her about toning it down but not to the point of cowering, KWIM?

I have mixed feelings about finding another school because our kids are going to have to learn that not everyone is going to like them and that's okay. But there is also the side of the coin that says they are only 5. Let them enjoy their childhood without all the drama and cliques for as long as they can.

[Accountable for Me]

Question about childcare

Thank you Shas, and shelbysmiles.

I appreciate all of your input!! Completely.

I will speak with the teachers tomorrow and try to get some understanding what is going on. Gosh, you know after almost a year there, it would be sad to pull her. If there is some sort of resolution, then I will be relieved.

Interesting about the 'alpha' girls.... that could be something I need to check into. I know that Hailey was very much a 'leader'. It has just been recently I have noticed her becoming more 'passive' with a neighbours child.... Also interesting about your daughter wanting to play with the boys... I asked Hailey today when I picked her up what was going on. She said that the girls didn't like her anymore. I asked why? She said she didn't know. I then asked her who she plays with? She said the boys and that the boys liked her better. Strange.

I will definitely speak to them. It is frustrating. I feel so sad everyday that my child doesn't want to be there. It makes it hard to work and go to school in peace...

Hopefully there is a resolution.

[LVT25]

Question about childcare

Dear AFM

Isn't life as a parent grand? I agreed with so much of what Shelby said. How sad is it that we have these social cliques at such a young age!

All you can do is follow your heart. I don't have girls, and my boys got along fine at all of the daycares/preschools so I can't offer much advice beyond that. I guess I would discuss it with the teachers, your daughter and see if it gets better. If not, try somewhere else.

It's hard, and it doesn't get easier either!:h:l

[FallonsMom]

Question about childcare

Pull her out there FAST... kids are sometimes afraid to tell parents the whole truth about whats going on. something surely happened for her personality to just change like that.

[one2many]

Question about childcare

Poor little minx....it does sound a little bit suspect to be honest that her personality has changed, I would do as much investigating as I could before I pulled her tho AFM.

It is very worrying for you, I understand that as I would be the same.
If it has been going on that long, it may not change for the better anytime soon.

I am all for kids having to realise that they will not always be liked but as Shelby said, 5 is just too young to have to be dealing with it IMO...

She is still only a very little girl.

The best of luck AFM and please keep us updated xx

[FallonsMom]

Question about childcare

one2many;905160 wrote: Poor little minx....it does sound a little bit suspect to be honest that her personality has changed, I would do as much investigating as I could before I pulled her tho AFM.

It is very worrying for you, I understand that as I would be the same.
If it has been going on that long, it may not change for the better anytime soon.

I am all for kids having to realise that they will not always be liked but as Shelby said, 5 is just too young to have to be dealing with it IMO...

She is still only a very little girl.

The best of luck AFM and please keep us updated xx

good advice I'm just so over protective of Fallon she's my only child and I don't plan on having anymore so my husband and I over do it a little :H

[one2many]

Question about childcare

FallonsMom;905164 wrote: good advice I'm just so over protective of Fallon she's my only child and I don't plan on having anymore so my husband and I over do it a little :H

There is nothing wrong with being a little over protective FM......:goodjob:

Fallon is such a beautiful name.

[Accountable for Me]

Question about childcare

Ah, Fallonsmom... I know how you feel! Thanks everyone for your input!!! I love you guys because you are so helpful and can bring a different perspective on the situation. I react.... instead of looking at different angles to the problem Overly protective.

I spoke to the daycare providers today. We will meet again tomorrow to discuss it further.

It just breaks my heart to drag her there when she truly is unhappy.

I hope there is a resolution. It is almost like if we were going to a job we absolutely hated on a daily basis.... what would we do? You know?

It has only been the last few months this has come about. Her resistance to going... and then finding out she is being excluded. So bizarre as she was 'popular' as ugly as that sounds.

Kids have it so hard nowadays.

Tomorrow I will find out more.

[rubywillow]

Question about childcare

ACM, as my babies have turned into adults, they've told me things about their early childhood daycare that really burns my butt. Only as adults can they really express what they felt.
Peer status, and bullying, start very early. We've been really lucky in that my MIL and I are usually available to pick up the slack when the kids need us. But if she's REALLY unhappy, first talk openly with her about what happens each day. And talk to the caregivers intensely. If they're allowing bullying, cliques, then they need to understand what this does to the little ones. My grands are SO different, but they've been taught bullying is NEVER an option. They are not bullied, but thank God they stick up for those who are. Here, bullying, ostracizing, is a huge problem. TALK to her. Ask her directly why she is so unhappy and resistant. And if you sense a problem, pull her out NOW. Children think differently than adults, and so want to find their niche. No, she can't always be the leader, but neither does she have to be tormented every day. We have VERY strong girls in our family, but are always conscious it they become so unhappy. If this continues, she may well become rebellious in other ways. You're not being over protective if after this long she hates to get out. This happened to me when my oldest was in day care, and I found out later the staff was being too rough with him. Thankfully, my Daddy took him with him everyday. I still burn everytime I think of that woman, in a well establlished, well known daycare, pulled his hair so hard it came out that night when I bathed him. He never went back.
I know many women are left with few options, but our children are our first concern. Don't coddle, but protect. And try to let her know she can tell you EVERYTHING, no matter what anyone else has said to her! Investigate anything suspicious. Good luck, and know we're here for you both.

[SKendall]

Question about childcare

Hi AFM, poor Hailey. I can understand completely how you feel. What disturbs me is that you had to bring it up to the daycare before they mentioned the changes. You should be able expect they have better communication than that. Such a distinct change in her personality and attitude toward the daycare is troubling.

Like Oney said, investigate the best you can.

Hugs for the little one and a big hug for you too.:h