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well, i've been here way too long!

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    #1

    well, i've been here way too long!

    Hi...I've actually been here since July 2007. Around my 50th birthday. Husband was going in for surgery. We decided to quit, together. Bought supps, logged on, posted and made some friends. For various reasons, I have changed names...thought I was getting to "addicted" to MWO...and opted to leave...and only deleting myself would solve that. But I came back...

    Fast forward July 2010...am I sober??? No...have I made progress...some. I have attempted to embrace several different venues...AA..Hypnosis...reading, reading and reading more. Practicing spirituality, attempting to grow. Progress, some, but do I think I'm where I need to be??? Absolutely not.

    So tonight I asked my husband of 6yrs (10yrs together) to move out. Why??? Not just because he is an alcoholic..so am I. But I am UNABLE to grow, to prosper, to learn while living with a fellow alcoholic. All we do is support each other, to drink. This has been a difficult decision that I have been mulling around for quite some time now. But I know it has to be. I feel a sense of calm when he is not around. And he is not around alot...be it physically or emotionally....he is not present. I don't blame my drinking on him...we are partners in crime. But we are going to destroy each other if I dont try this sobriety on my own. I'm scared, but excited at the same time. I have no one to blame but myself if this doesn't work.

    Not to say the actual part of him "leaving" will be easy. It is the "process" that I have been dreading. He keeps saying, so we'll just stop drinking...can he not see how this simplistic answer has not worked to date? I think he can, he chooses not to. That is his choice.

    So I just wonder how many of you see yourself in my situation? I have seen others quit drinking when the significant other doesn't. But that doesn't feel like the answer for me.

    Wish me luck, I'm a bit scared, but hopeful none the less. Bless all us alkies for doing whatever it takes.

    R2C:h
    Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. --Confucius
    :h
    Tags: None
    #2
    well, i've been here way too long!

    You are better off alone . . . .I've been in your shoes. Even when I've convinced myself that the last one 'wasn't so bad' I met someone worse, who basically dragged me along with him into the gutter. It's impossible to help yourself while hitched to another addict unless they are in exactly the same place that you are & at the same time (even then it's dicey). You really have to free yourself - I found that as I got better, these people who "loved" me, did all they could to drag me down for a variety of reasons. One being, they wouldn't feel so badly about their own failings. I say FREE YOURSELF & RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!! Part of the addiction in my mind, is hanging on to these people so that you can say that "you yourself are not that bad . . . ." - yet another excuse . . . . do not do it. Strong & lonely is better than lied to & dead! Eventually you'll have the life you want - consider this a "transitional period" . . . .you'll emerge a butterfly just as the moth does!

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      #3
      well, i've been here way too long!

      Wishing you the best ready2change,this is a very hard decision to make,

      when i stopped drinking i was by my own but eventually got back with my partner,maybe if you want that could happen for you.:-)


      :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

      Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
      I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

      This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

      Comment

        #4
        well, i've been here way too long!

        wow....whata tough decision...I admire your conviction
        good luck...and i agree with Mario...maybe you can get back together later if thats what you want
        I love my family more than alcohol.:h
        Live in the Solution....not the problem

        Comment

          #5
          well, i've been here way too long!

          Hi R2Change.

          I think you're doing the right thing. We must do whatever it takes to get ourselves right.
          Thinking of you at this difficult time. It's forward for you from here.
          (and i had to give up alone. No distraction's, no influences. This was the only way for me. My own way.)

          Best wishes to you, and i hope your husband will be jolted into taking action too, on his own path.

          'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

          Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

          Comment

            #6
            well, i've been here way too long!

            Hey R2C,
            Indeed a very big decision to make, only you can know if it is the right one - but I echo what Sheri says, I know I could not do this living with another addict. My hubs does drink, from time to time too much, but he is definitely a 'normal' drinker, he can pretty much take it or leave it and throw away the last glass etc. but even with him drinking as he does I get aggravated and cross with him sometimes when I perceive him to be behaving stupidly, as I perceive everyone with any amount of alcohol these days - I have unfortunately become utterly intolerent!!
            You obviously need to decide between sobriety and your husband and you have chosen your sobriety - it could be a lifesaving decision.
            Best of luck and stay around here for support.
            Molly
            Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
            contentedly NF since 8/04/14

            Comment

              #7
              well, i've been here way too long!

              R2C, I too have been here since 2007. My hubby too is an alcoholic, he won't admit it, but he drinks as much or more than me.

              We enable each other, when I was feeling strong, he would say he'd get beer for just himself and I'd fold. Or I would bring it up and he'd always give in.

              I know I crave it less than Joe does but I also do realize I am an alcoholic. I contemplated having to divorce or separate to fight this demon. I don't know what I would have done, eventually, we were living to drink and nothing else, not saving money, not going anywhere, just working and getting drunk. That's not a fun life.

              Luckily we decided we want something different. I told Joe I was quitting and though he's asked me a time or two if I want to get beer, I haven't caved and he either loves me enuf not to tempt me and/or knows in his heart he has a problem too.

              We are over 30 days AF and life is sooo much better. I won't go back and if Joe starts drinking again, I know I don't want that life.

              I don't know what the future holds for you hon, but if your drinking with your hubby was like mine with Joe, what the present is for you is not a way to live.

              Comment

                #8
                well, i've been here way too long!

                R2C, I know you hav struggled with this issue for a long time, so I know this is not a decision made in haste. It sounds like you have thought it through and that is the important part I think.

                I know that many people have sobered up despite having partners who continue to drink - and even drink a LOT. I stand in admiration of those folks because I just can't imagine doing it. And one thing I DO know is that drinking alcohol again would threaten my very life. And I just can't go there and it sounds like you can't go there any more either.

                All the best to you R2C. :l I'm sure this decision has not come easily.

                DG
                Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                One day at a time.

                Comment

                  #9
                  well, i've been here way too long!

                  :l
                  You know I really feel for you. I know how hard you've tried and how frustrating it can be living with a partner that drinks. I have a feeling with your mindset--you are right. You can do this on your own. Hopefully he understands your determination and you can remain friends.
                  There are plenty of days when I wish I was on my own, but thankfully many more that I'm glad I'm not. It simply isn't an option for me. I managed to quit without his help and very little support and that is ok, but it is still very hard to watch him drink so much. Especially now with the kids getting older. It's hard to respect a man when he can't control his drinking. And when he isn't drinking he can be pretty hard to live with as well.
                  Anyway, best wishes to you my friend. Please know you have all the support in the world from me.:h
                  _______________
                  NF since June 1, 2008
                  AF since September 28, 2008
                  DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                  _____________
                  :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                  5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                  _______________
                  The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    well, i've been here way too long!

                    Thank you everyone for the words of wisdom and support. I slept so well last nite after finally making this decision. I have known it for a long time in my heart of hearts that this is the next step in my quest for sobriety. Again, it is going to be the "process" that is the most difficult, rather than the end result.

                    Hart, I have followed you and Joe for a long time, and you two always reminded me of my husband and myself. Pretty much that is all we live for, working and drinking, and that is NOT a life. I want MORE! So cudos to both of you on your sobriety...I know when we don't drink life is so much better.

                    Hugs...R2C
                    Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. --Confucius
                    :h

                    Comment

                      #11
                      well, i've been here way too long!

                      "Willing to go to any lengths to get sober". Our sobriety must always come first, or we have nothing. Knowing what we have to do and then doing it. I wish you the best on your journey. Take care and much love to you. :h
                      ​​Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind ~ Bob Marley ~ Redemption Song

                      AUGUST 9, 2009

                      Comment

                        #12
                        well, i've been here way too long!

                        Oh, honey, the only thing I can say is put YOUR sobriety first. Keep posting.
                        sigpic
                        Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                        awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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