I am just back from the shops and I have done something that i know I should'nt have.
I was wandering around the store picking up goodies (crisps & biscuits etc). I passed by a man taking cheapo beer out of the fridge, he STUNK to high heaven, I mean really bad of booze and wee. I involuntarily shuddered as I passed ( I am am so fucking ashamed writing that). He smiled at the youngest minx in the buggy.
Anyway...I was paying for my stuff and he was behind me in the queue...There was tuts and comments from those behind him. He was obviously in dire need for a drink, he was shaking and kinda dribbling, not pretty...I was packing my stuff into the buggy and he was paying for his cans...he had a handful of change and was counting out coppers...The girl behind the counter was declaring in a superior, condecensing voice.."I SAID...you have NOT got enough money, you will have to put them back " She was enjoying this feeling of power in front of the other shoppers.
He just stood there seaching his pockets and APOLOGISING to this stupid cow....
Something just snapped in me, I took 20 quid from my purse and squished it up real small, walked back to the counter and bent down as if I was picking something up and handed it to the man and said "I just saw this falling out of your pocket" He could barely grasp it, he had bad tremors.
He looked and me and I knew and he knew and I just walked back to the buggy and left the shop. He just looked so grateful. The look on the shopgirls face was priceless.
I know what I did was wrong and I am giving him money to spend on drink, I just got so angry at the attitudes of people who didn't understand, they just looked at him as something they stepped in and it bloody well broke my heart.
He could have been a great man once, with a house and a family who cared for him.....there for the grace of God...
Now I am feeling so guilty, buying an alcoholic drink..how fucking stupid is that.
All I know is I did what I thought was right at the time and I thought with my heart instead of my head.
Just had to get that off my chest.
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