RIP David

[Shambles84]

My counsilar has been like a hero to me for years. He had battled the booze n won n he was living the life I'm hoping to live one day. He also become a great friend n I became very much dependant on our little chats n his insights into addiction. He killed himself earlier this week leaving a note saying that he couldn't start the fight again. I'm so confused and lost n have no idea what he means. I can't believe iv been so consumed in my own problems I couldn't have seen this coming. He was that 1 light at the end of the tunnel. Am I allowed to be angry at him or should I be angry at me. Its all too much.

[johnnyh]

RIP David

Sorry to hear that Shambles. That's a heck of a lot to deal with right now. Please take it easy on yourself. It was his decision.

Strenght and courage to you Shambles. So, so sorry.

[JackieClaire]

RIP David

Oh Shambles, I'm so sorry to hear that. You'll be going through a mountain of emotions right now, anger being one of them.
Give the Samaitans a ring if you need to talk to some body one to one. They are there for all reasons. The number's 0845 7909090. I have rung them more times than I'd like to admit and they have been fantastic.
Please take care of yourself.
J x
:l

[Change]

RIP David

Don't be angry at anyone, it won't achieve anything.

[hippie37]

RIP David

Shambles I have experienced what you are going through with a counselor I was in treatment with. It was spooky because the week before he died of a heart attack we were discussing our fears in gender group (which he facilitated.) A lot of the responses were about death and our fear of it. He gave us such hope and inspiration with his talk of not fearing death and seeing the fear for what it was etc. He had such a beautiful spirit and he you really wanted to earn his respect and friendship because of his honesty. He held no punches and you didn't call him 'friend' until you'd earned that by opening up and letting him in first.

His death brought so much up for me because my own dad was taken from us quite unexpectedly. I battled with self pity and anger too. Yet just thinking of the talk he had had with us all the week before he died made it seem like a real message of hope for me. Out of his death came so much good for most of the men in the group. Don't get me wrong we were all very shook up by the news and attending his funeral. But deep down I got the message.

I too thought this man was going to be my saviour through treatment. He scared me, because it felt like he could see right through me more than any of the other counselors. So I had this idea (expectation) that it would be him that I would finally open up to. It wasn't to be of course and I resented him for that. I wanted him to be my father figure, my counselor, my friend. So I learned that having these expectations of others is not good for anyone. We have to become independent and learn to stand on our own two feet. That's what we are working towards are we not?

Try and not to take this too personal. We alkies can sometimes make everything about us and how we're feeling. I completely understand your feelings of anger but try to deal with them in a healthy way. Keep talking to the right people about how you feel. You will work through this a lot better when you're not consumed with it alone and isolated. Try to see the good in people and see what this man has helped you achieve in your life so far. There's no room for judgments here but it's okay to feel angry, hurt, upset confused etc. Just be gentle on yourself and don't allow this situation to be the excuse you maybe looking for to drink.

Many Blessings
Phil

[betty boop]

RIP David

Shambles, I can't really comment on your Dear friend's feelings, unfortunately suicide leaves a lot of problems behind,

But I do know that he would want you to be strong and look after yourself.

I am so so sorry for your loss, I wish you strength and courage also, please take care :l:h:l

[greeneyes]

RIP David

Anger is one of the stages of grief. Please allow yourself to feel it and let it pass, as you should the other stages that will come up. It's all OK. :l

Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement

[Ringing Cedars]

RIP David

My sympathies as well Shambles. Greeneyes is right. Anger is a very valid emotion. Work your way through it.
Wishing you comfort and peace.

[Accountable for Me]

RIP David

OMG. I am so sorry. (((HUGS)))

[rubywillow]

RIP David

Yes, Shambles. Experience all your emotions, and let them pass. Nothing is wrong in them right now. We had a longtime friend here who committed sucide early this year. She had just visited me, and we'd talked about her earlier attempt. She knew I felt it was a coward's way out, and we really, I thought, explored the issue. Obviously not. I'd run out of options to try and make her think. My favorite quote about this horrible, family and friend damning action, is 'Problems are temporary; Death is forever.' Don't focus on any guilt you feel. It comes down to a personal decision, for the person. I didn't see anything, and it took me a long time to get over the 'what I could have dones.' Honor the good memories, and move on to more productive things in your life. Let the feelings you have about it steel yourself against that kind of hopelessness. :hug: to you, honey.

[Meech]

RIP David

So sorry Shambles. I agree with Greeneyes. We are given the gift of ALL EMOTIONS. and anger is one that unfortunately if felt during the greiving process.

Sheri made a great point - don't be angry with yourself. It was his decision as painful as this is for you.

Take care don't drink.

[admom7]

RIP David

Try not to analyze but rather
Try and seek a path so you can find your way to forgive...
In time.
For
The rest will not give you peace...
And peace will truly bring you the calm you seek.

Forgive and remember all the goodness.
The true friend you had and in your heart...

still do.