Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

[Change]

The title says it all. Excruciating loneliness to the point of "why bother"? I've worked nearly 6 days straight, you'd think my day off would be spent with "friends", having fun and going out. Nope, not me. One of my friends is working (fair enough), the other one is probably still in bed, and the third one is an alcoholic that owes me money and only ever contacts me when he wants to go out at night, or is upset over his relationship break up. Meh, sick of it!

So, i have spent my entire Saturday morning in bed, fighting my own head and negativity and feelings of loneliness. I just got up to prepare breakfast (okay, lunch now), and got angry. Why me? I'm not such a bad person, yet i find myself, 25 years later, still in the same position i was when i was a teenager, alone and lonely.

I was starting to get to know this amazing person at the start of the year, but my destructive "ex" (for want of a better word) came and ruined it for me. I am finding it hard to move past that. I have completely severed contact from the abusive idiot, but in the process have lost somebody i felt very strongly about.

Meh, it feels as if i will never get out of this hole. No matter how much i try to change my life, it never seems to get any better. I live on my own, completely on my own, never had kids because i was in a series of crap relationships and when i asked my mum for support at the age of 27 (to have a child), she just laughed at me and said "if we're even in the same state" (meaning, geographic location). So, now i'm 40 and have missed out on some very significant stuff in my life.

Sorry for venting, that's just how i feel.

[daybyday]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

Hey Change, I hear you.....kinda having a similar week, worked 10 hour days and sitting alone Sat night too. Guess we could try to turn it around and think how fortunate we are to have peace and quiet, NOT be in an abusive relationship anymore (just out of a bad one too) but I'm still feeling the anger off and on. Trying to let myself go through that and know it will pass one day.
We could be stuck at a horrible function listening to boring people, could be at the dentist getting teeth pulled...any of this helping or giving you a little laugh? I hear where you're coming from.....

[Hippy Chick]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

Hi Change. That is what this site is for.... venting. Get it out and you will feel better.

Dont think we have met before, so hello.

I totally understand where you are coming from when you say you feel you are back to where you were when you were a teenager. If you are like me, I started drinking when I was 14/15 and I stopped learning how to live, how to do anything without the influence of AL. Everything I did involved AL. So all I learnt was how to go thru life with the numbing, boosting, confidence building effects of AL. I hadnt learnt how to do anything without it.
But now at 46 when I have stopped using it to help me live, I find I am back to where I was when I was 14/15 and learning how to get thru the things life throws at me without that help I used to get. I am having those teenage episodes of no confidence, not knowing what I want or how to get it.... I am so similar to my 14 year old son, it's scary.

I found when I stopped drinking and the people who I hung around with didnt, it was hard to carry on a normal relationship with them because they simply DO NOT UNDERSTAND. And they cant unless they have been where I have. Even my husband doesnt understand and he has seen me at my best (or worse as the case usually was).

Come visit us here, we do understand. Take care.

Hippy chick

[Guest]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

There's not much doing on a Saturday. Normally I'd suggest getting a hairdo and a manicure ( my wife finds this uplifting, and has no regard for the cost either.)
It's a controlled 'time out.'
If it were a Monday you could sit in the public gallery at the local Magistrates Court...I find this very instructive and it's free.
But, since it's Saturday, I can only suggest a spot of quiet Dork Watching. Supermarkets are good for this.
I well remember my Mother's advice to me when I was feeling in the dumps.
She said: 'Pull yourself together lad. There are many more people in the worrld who are worse off than yourself.
Just thank God you aren't one of them.'

[rubywillow]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

Change, honey, your just having a dark patch in your life. We understand. My husband sometimes works 7 days, 12 hours, for months. It makes him mean as hell.
I'm so glad you're here. For now, work on positive thinking. Work on only the things that will bring you light and joy. Take a little while and google all the things nearby that you would enjoy doing, and schedule it. The anticipation of something many times is at least as good as doing it. Treat yourself, figure out things you truly enjoy and do them.
Being in your situation is hard. But staying in it is your choice. You CAN have a happy, exciting break from work with a little planning. Also, if you find yourself chronically depressed, talk to your doctor. Looking at the negative side of things never pays off, there's no upside. Give yourself something to be happy about.
Keep in touch with us, OK? There are so many intelligent, warm, and lovely people here, who will really take you seriously. :hug:

[Change]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

daybyday;907598 wrote: We could be stuck at a horrible function listening to boring people

Lol daybyday, that one got me. Functions, er...

Saturday nights i don't so much mind. Try to get a DVD or see if there's a movie on TV.

I don't think the fact that i have chosen to work tonight from 10pm-2am and then again at 7am-6.30pm is helping me. I have to spend a day in bed just to cope with the prospect of 3 hours sleep before another 12 hour day. My choice i suppose.

I really want to get started on another one of my goals which is to work out at the gym as much as possible, but this exhaustion and prospect of working really hard over the next 24 hours is killing me.

Also, wanting to see this person i broke up with at start of year (not the abusive one) and am having hard time accepting it's over. I hope fate brings us together again.

[Change]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

I have decided i am going to dump fair weathered friend who owes me money.

[spuddleduck]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

just a little thought change, i have never felt as lonely as when i was in a relationship that had gone wrong. i may have been in company physically but emotionally i felt so alone.

[hippie37]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

Change. I know you may be feeling quite negative at the moment but that's not what I got from your post at all.

I see someone who is being real and identifying real feelings without the need to hide from them. I've made so many posts in the past where I've been so consumed in self pity that I've manipulated people with my self seeking motives to get some attention to make me feel better about myself. You're being extremely positive by not doing that and just telling it like it is.

We all feel that loneliness and anger at times, it's not just us alkies that have the 'rights' on that on you know!!! When we start blaming our alcoholism for feeling the way we do, (when in fact we're no different from everybody else) then there is bound to be more resentments and anger to follow. We then start to play the victim because we're alcoholic and we lose our power. So of course we can start to make the world a very negative place and want to put blame elsewhere. I hope by sharing/venting this it has helped in some way even if only gaining some cathartic release.

Thanks for being so honest with your feelings. It's these kind of posts that make me feel closer to people.

Have a beautiful day.
Many Blessings
Phil

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

Change;907617 wrote: I have decided i am going to dump fair weathered friend who owes me money.

Who needs 'friends' like that anyway?

I posted this a few days ago, there are couple of links you might find worth a read.
We can feel most alone in a crowd I find.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ion-43532.html

[Change]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

hippie37;907702 wrote: We all feel that loneliness and anger at times, it's not just us alkies that have the 'rights' on that on you know!!! When we start blaming our alcoholism for feeling the way we do, (when in fact we're no different from everybody else) then there is bound to be more resentments and anger to follow. We then start to play the victim because we're alcoholic and we lose our power. So of course we can start to make the world a very negative place and want to put blame elsewhere. I hope by sharing/venting this it has helped in some way even if only gaining some cathartic release.

Hi Phil, thanks for taking the time to respond. I'm not really blaming the alcohol for loneliness, it's a way i've always felt, with varying degrees of loneliness. I guess the fact that most of my 'friends' only call when they need something makes me feel even worse. I've even lost friends to Facebook and i refuse to join that social networking site just to 'keep up'. Surely, there must be some well adjusted, stable people out there (against my better judgement, had Facebook account for a while, but recently cancelled due to using it as an escape from my real life).

KTAB,

Thanks for the link. I actually saw your thread today and saved those links.

Fair weathered friend just messaged me with some lame question... Obviously he wants to mooch a lift off me tonight. Whatever!

[rubywillow]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

Fair weather to you change. Again, my man Phil is BRILLIANT when nailing an issue.
As far as the friends, call them what they are - moochers and users. It's wonderful to help someone who deserves it, but someone like that has no respect or real idea of friendship. You end up helping, then being resentful. Don't torment yourself, now or in the future, by toxic relationships. Work on YOU.

[Change]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

rubywillow;907836 wrote: Fair weather to you change. Again, my man Phil is BRILLIANT when nailing an issue.
As far as the friends, call them what they are - moochers and users. It's wonderful to help someone who deserves it, but someone like that has no respect or real idea of friendship. You end up helping, then being resentful. Don't torment yourself, now or in the future, by toxic relationships. Work on YOU.

Yeah, thanks Ruby. That's been half my problem, giving out a lot and not getting much back from certain people. I am sick of the mooches and the drama queens! Finally, a time in my life where i can see it quite clearly. This guy is also a rampant alcoholic and refuses to identify with his problem. His problem has caused him a relationship loss and he was nearly homeless last year, save for me (stupidly) bailing him out. I'm not a charity!

Loneliness might be an issue, but i foresee that once i cut my work hours down (to normal hours that is), i will be able to achieve one of my goals which is health and happiness. It doesn't seem as difficult to get rid of those freeloaders now, for some reason... I think i am even going to say something (tell him why). I'm sick of playing the silence game.

Thanks for your comments

[Change]

Excruciating loneliness and fair weathered friends!

Fair weathered people really annoy me! There, i had to get that out :headbanger: