I let my Giant Beat me.

[dizilizid]

Hi guys. On Thursday, i allowed myself to be beaten by my Goliath.
I have been doing so well, and i can't explain why this happened. I went and dropped my wife off at work in the morning and went straight to the bottle store on my way home. Knowing that she was working a double shift, i knew i had all day to drink. I feel like i had planned this on Wednesday already, just knowing that i was going to be off. I drank 4 liters of box wine and then went out to get a beer and another bottle. I ended up throwing the beer down the drain and i gave three quarters of the bottle of wine away to the Pan-Handlers on the street corner. I know that doesn't change the fact that i drank 4 litres of wine and then passed out on the bed only to wake up 10 mins before my baby's school closes. So i jumped into the car and rushed off, pissed out of my mind to fetch my baby, in the hopes that i wouldn't get caught out by my wife, or the police.
I never got caught by police, but my wife had been trying to get hold of me all day a as i pulled away from the school with my son, she called to say she just saw me leave and that i must fetch her. I was so angry cause i had been busted and i drove off and left her there and tried to get into the house in time to hide all the boxes and bottles etc, but she had somehow managed to get the house keys and i couldn't get in, so i left and tried running away. I feel shit, but i have already been forgiven by my wife and my family and i know that God has forgiven me. I have been strengthened in my faith and in my resolve.
God has taught me my lessons, and this is another lesson. After this all happened, i picked up this book i'm busy reading and it was all about David and Goliath, and how we all have Giant's we need to face in our lives. I also read a story about how God doesn't choose things to happen to us, He gives us the choice and we make the decisions.
Last night my wife and i watched a movie called Fireproof. And today i feel stronger. More determined that ever to live a Godly life, and to make the right decisions. From today, i will be David, and go against my Goliath with God on my side. I am cleaning myself out and getting healthy inside as well as out. Things are going to change. Sorry to you all for letting you down. God has forgiven me before i even made the mistake, and i have forgiven myself and been made stronger. So next time satan tests me, i will know that God is right there by my side, and i will have no doubt that i will win my battle against my Giant. One last question, Do i start from day one or mark it as a second slip?? :upset:

[JackieClaire]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Well Diz,
That was some binge you went on there and to be honest if it was me even one tiny drink of AL would send me back to day one. You have to look to your own conscience to decide whether this is day one or not.
Take some time to look at why you decided to go out and buy the wine in the first place. Write it down here if it helps.
J x
:l

[Guest]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Don't sweat it too badly Dude. You have done really well. Not only that, but some of these 'Goliath' fellows are quite big and take more effort scragging than most people know.
All I can suggest is to keep a few more stones in your pocket and if it looks like Fan Time, start slinging them as fast as you can.

[hazeleyes]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Hi Dizi
Thanks for sharing your story. What a roller coaster ride you went on. I'm glad you got to the end and are starting again with it all behind you. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

You don't need to apologise, we have all done some bad things while drinking.

You know they say David was the friend of God. I think if you want to model you life on David, you can't go wrong...(Psalm 23 - my favourite)

[johnnyh]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Hey Diz,

Don't beat yourself up mate. You've had 2 slips but have been on track otherwise for quite some time now. The only thing that counting your AF days is really good for is to give you that sense of achievement. The fact that you don't want to ruin what you have achieve. Start counting from day 1 I'd say, but let that not take away from the achievement that for the better (well better part) of the past couple of weeks you've been sober and doing fantastic.

You're a fighter and a winner bro, you've had a slip some time ago now (how long Diz?! not sure, 2 weeks?) and got straight back onto the wagon. You've got the right mentality. You want to beat this. And you will.

Just make sure you you really give it your best shot straight away again!!

You've got my number (right?!), Give me a call anytime bro. Also let me know if you want to go for some coffee some time. I'm just down the road from you as you know.

Don't struggle Diz. You're doing well bro. You fell off the wagon, so what?! You've got on it again. that's what counts now!!!

Be blessed brother.

[OverIt2007]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Diz...

It can happen to the best of us. Have you read Johnnys signature? If not, go back up and take a good long look at it. As long as you are still trying to beat your Giant, you are not failing.

I know you are a strong spiritual person and love Jesus. You know He loves you too. You know He forgives you. Forgive yourself, and start again.

God Bless you,

Overit

[techie]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Oh Diz I'm happy you were able to pull yourself back from this binge. I only wish you had shared your these cravings with us before you acted on them. The collective WE seem to have a good track record of preventing these slips. You do sound positive and recommitted to your sobriety plan. I view this as a slip. There is NO MWO sequential day counting compliance council that I'm aware of. BTW, we need you at the helm...God Bless!

[Ringing Cedars]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Hey Diz, I am still praying for you and your family. I will add strength and self compassion to the list. Glad you are safe and that your wife is such a wonderful woman. Fireproof is one of the best movies I've seen for marriages and relationships. I cried tears of sadness and joy throughout. The most important thing is today and you are here again and want to stay sober. Fill yer pockets as Mr. Blue says and you are the only one to grade your sobriety success as Techie says. And yes the collective WE at MWO have helped many to fight the beast. Take good care friend. )

[dizilizid]

I let my Giant Beat me.

thank you everyone. I am feeling better again. IApparently on the night when i was drunk, i said to my mother that it's unfair that my brother and father and rest of friends and family can all drink and get drunk and i can't. I believe this is still a major problem for me. I'm still seeing this as a loss, or something i'm being deprived of, instead of seeing it as a gift from God. Cause maybe i'm not able to drink because that's what God neweds from me in order to do His work! So i am going to see it as a part of God's plan for me. Thanks for all your advice and positiveness. I am back on track and i have forgiven myself. So thank you to you all. I know i must start realising when the voice of addiction starts telling me it's fine to drink, so that i can kick it's ass to the curb and get through those moments.
Thanks Johnny, Will you be at Church tomorro. I'm going to all the services i'm sure, so i hope to see you there. I'm goin online chat now now. I hope i catch some of you there.

[mario]

I let my Giant Beat me.

posted this sometime back dizilizid, it may help..Sometimes people who have had a slip are ashamed of themselves-sometimes so ashamed that they fear to come back here.
They develop the old inferiority complex and tell themselves that they are no good,that they have let down there friends here and elsewhere,that they are hopeless & that they can never make it,This state of mind is perhaps worse than it was originally intended,They have been somewhat weakened by there slip,but there experience of logging on here is not entirely lost.They always know that they can stop again if they really want to,they know that there is still great help & advice here if they will ask for it because nobody entirely escapes temptation,You must expect it and be ready for it when it comes,You must try & keep your defences up by positive thoughts,the first step toward conquering temptation always is to see it in your mind,dissociate yourself from it,put it out of your mind as soon as it appears,do not think of excuses for yielding to it,come here for help.Dont quit quitting dizilizid

[rubywillow]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Diz, saying a prayer here of thanks you and your child arrived home safely. I know SO many terrible stories of people who thought they were OK, didn't think they had an option, and lives were ruined.
Just get up one more time than you get knocked down. And yes, you were already romancing the idea of drinking before you did it. Read all the tools, help, stories you can find, and renew your resolve.
When I had to attend a DUI school, there was a young man there who said the first thing he did each day was reach in the fridge next to his bed for a beer, then continued all day. He had been in prison for driving drunk, killing a 3 year old boy. There, but for the grace of God, go we. Honestly, I don't think he'd got it yet. But, if he couldn't be a good example for me, at least he was a horrible message.
Pull yourself up, strengthen your resolve, and move on. But the next time you get the thoughts, come here and tell someone. You're in my thoughts.

[johnnyh]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Hey Diz, probly be there morning and evening. (morning 11am). Let's try and have some coffee after the 11am servic?! Will be around the coffee station somewhere

[dizilizid]

I let my Giant Beat me.

ok cool man. yeah i probably won't go to 9am service. that's too early. lol but after 11 service i'll meet you for coffee for definate. come chat online now.

[OverIt2007]

I let my Giant Beat me.

Diz,

I know its hard to believe sometimes, its hard for me to... But we really are NOT missing out on anything by not drinking. In fact, by not drinking we are gaining everything!!

Perhaps its not "fair" that others can drink and we cant. I feel deprived too alot, but its really just a illusion that society places on us.

In the big picture of life, drinking is just such a small piece of the Big Puzzle of life. The life free from addiction is the life that God had planned for you and me. In that freedom, thats when you are your true self and can life a life that pleases God. Thats living in the Truth.

I know we all have to be reminded of these things. Just try to keep a clear focus no matter how hard the Devil tries to fool you.

And Diz.. Remember that God never makes mistakes. His plan might have included your addiction to make you a stronger person. In our weakness, He is our strongest. There is always a lesson to learn and something that He is trying to teach us. He may be teaching you to rely on Him more. Think of all the hardships others in the Bible endured. Far more than we could have!

Enjoy church tommorrow! I will be going as well and looking forward to Worship.

[ladyjan]

I let my Giant Beat me.

I know for sure there will be many that will be shocked by my response to this thread and your actions dizz......

BUT...

you got your child from school drunk,
you drove with your child drunk,

you knew damm well you had the resposibility to pick up your child..

you even said you had planned before to buy the wine and get drunk...

shit man.. this is NOT a slip..
we all have slipped, I have and I admit I have, I am no saint....but not this.....

it is NOT a slip, not when your child is involved & driving with them drunk..

stop hiding behind god....god is not your get out free card..

you must stand up and take resposibility for your actions..

and take action to be resposible for your resposibilities..as in your child.....

if you really want to stop drinking, the first one you must convince of that is you...

god forgives the sinner....

but at what point is the sinner just using god to cleanse his guilt to continue the sin....??????