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    #1

    Going through hell!!

    Hi all,

    I know I seem quite "bright" in my posts, but I am going through so much stress right now.. I have a Family Court case next Thursday, about custody of my son. My ex is making so many ridiculous claims and is trying to get Child Protection on his side by making claims against me (though they have already told me they will be supporting me due to his narcisstic behaviour).. I have great support from my partner, but I thought I would share on here too.. if anyone has any tips on how to cope with all this? I am nearly a month AF, and have given up cigs too (they were not helping either, as its a scam they make you feel relaxed!).. i wake up every morning shaking with nerves from the whole thing! My ex sent me a horrible SMS message last night, in which I called the police, as he is not supposed to contact me, as per the AVO I have against him.. the police are going to arrest him soon for this, and I will have to attend yet another court case! Before I met my ex, I had never set foot in a courtroom.. but now, I have been in and out of courts since we started a relationship (though I am in the process of divorcing him now).. can anyone offer me any words of support/wisdom to help me get through this difficult time? thank you.. xx
    "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

    :groupluv:
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    #2
    Going through hell!!

    You're doing GREAT Katie. Don't let your ex win. He is trying to break your resolve. He has done this before. Keep busy. Make copies of threatening e-mail, texts, calls, etc. Be strong and you will WIN!
    Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

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      #3
      Going through hell!!

      thank you techie!
      I am trying to stay strong, and calm.. my partner is by my side most the time, so I know I will not revert to AL this time to cope with my ex.. plus the police are also finally doing something about him.. i am keeping copies of everything that my ex sends me, or tells me.. it will all be revealed in court next week, i know i have a strong case.. i have letters of support from the Chaplain at my hospital, my counsellor, friends etc..
      x
      "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

      :groupluv:

      Comment

        #4
        Going through hell!!

        What a difficult situation you are in and imagine coping with it all without the crutch of alchohol. We are all so proud of you. So many of us are not yet where you are. Keep posting and stay strong.

        Love, Tip[
        Tipplerette

        I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

        "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
        ? Lao-Tzu

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          #5
          Going through hell!!

          Gee Katie, wish I could maim him for ya, or at least make him lose his memory and drop him at another country to live out his life and leave you and your son alone. You are doing great!

          Comment

            #6
            Going through hell!!

            Hey Katie. I've been there even though my kids were older and yes I did drink to get through it. I have shared much of what I know. You are doing all the right things. Particularly staying sober. Hang in there and keep taking the high road! xo

            Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


            St. Francis of Assisi

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              #7
              Going through hell!!

              Thank you tipple, hart and rc..
              Yes, I am getting through this difficult time sober, and now smoke-free too! I am treating myself to chocolate instead!! lol.. though at only 60kg, i dont think that will be a problem for me.. yet! I am just concentrating on being a good mum to my son, and getting on with things. plus my ex talks so much cr*p, i know the police dont believe a word he says anymore.. he is being charged with breach of avo today, and may be in jail when the family court case comes around anyway!
              Katie x
              "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

              :groupluv:

              Comment

                #8
                Going through hell!!

                Katie,

                I know what its like to have a crazy ex.. and I feel your pain and anxiety. Death is actually easier than divorce I think!!! They can make you crazy too if you let them.. Turn it over.. let it go and know that you are doing the right thing. Your son and your sobriety is number 1 and justice will prevail! one way or another. Just remember you are in such a better place in life than him and thats why it is driving him nuts!!

                hang in
                May our choices today not result in regret, but rather be wise

                Comment

                  #9
                  Going through hell!!

                  Thank you Cherbear,
                  He really is crazy - and I think you are right, he is jealous of the fact I have moved on, have a wonderful new partner and am happy and not drinking.. he was a big reason as to why I went overboard with AL - though I know I cannot shun my responsbility too.. but I didnt have the knowledge then about myself, that i do now.. I will keep on taking the high road, and not sink to his level.. i know i have a lot of people and agencies on my side,
                  Katie x
                  "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

                  :groupluv:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Going through hell!!

                    Dear Katie,
                    I cannot say I understand your pain as I have no children and no exes. I feel sad for all the crap you have to put up with and that you have had to put up with it for so long. You are very near the end of this struggle, and that's when it's the most difficult and you have to concentrate hardest to stay on your feet. You have held your ground with dignity and protected yourself and your boy from every blow he has thrown at you. You are very powerful and your ex knows it and all he can do is send ugly texts. Keep treating his comments as garbage, don't let yourself believe any of his lies and tricks. He really wants to hurt you but you are not going to let him. Stay strong and stay AF and smoke free.

                    We love you
                    Tant
                    AF since 12 April 2010

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Going through hell!!

                      Katie,

                      I don't have kids either. But I have watched many friends and family deal with the pain of seperation, and it is always so much harder when kids are involved. As you say, the best way to manage this is to focus on what is best for your son - and staying sober is the first and most important step. Particularly, as from memory, you said your ex had brought this up in Court in the past?? Taking action like you have over the last month is the best way to show how serious you are about being a great mum!

                      I have a close friend with an extremely difficult and irrational ex-. After a very difficult three years, he recently said that taking the step to move proceedings into the Family Court has been a great relief. They are very experienced at dealing with difficult people and have the authority to make orders and enforce them.

                      Maintain your sobriety, your dignity and your integrity. What comes around, goes around! Best wishes
                      Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn

                      Harriet Beecher Stowe

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Going through hell!!

                        oh hun you have been through so much. you have a good, solid case against him by the sound of it. just please, please make sure you stay sober incase the court order any blood tests or anything. you can do this, i know you can x

                        soon all this will be over for you xxx:l
                        The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

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                          #13
                          Going through hell!!

                          Thank you so much Tant, Miss Behaving and girly,
                          I know, I do have a solid case against him.. the only thing he has against me is my drinking history.. and I am going to rehab in August, so he won't have anything to use against me at all! and its one where I can take my son..
                          He is now trying to imply sexual abuse of our son.. which is disgusting.. child protection are aware of his allegations, but they dont believe him - as they know what he's like and that he has a huge history of lying.. and being manipulative.. this is just a game he is playing, in which he is going to lose.. me and my partner are going to the police later on today to make statements about him.. and hopefully he will get locked up! he belongs in jail as he is out of control and is narcisstic and doesn't care who he hurts (which is his son indirectly).. and i will go to rehab to get my issues sorted out, and then keep on seeing my counsellor when i get out.. the rehab is not for detox, but my counsellor and child protection want me to do it to help with my issues of low self-esteem which has been making my life a misery for so long.. what is 6 weeks out of my life if i am going to become a better person and be happier as a result? After these next few months, i know the worse will be behind me.. and i can move on, put my ex behind me and be happy with my wonderful new partner and amazing son.. thank you all again, i love you all too!
                          Katie xxx
                          "It works if you work it, because you are worth it!!!"

                          :groupluv:

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Going through hell!!

                            KatieB;909853 wrote: Thank you so much Tant, Miss Behaving and girly,
                            I know, I do have a solid case against him.. the only thing he has against me is my drinking history.. and I am going to rehab in August, so he won't have anything to use against me at all! and its one where I can take my son..
                            wow - that's amazing (that you can take your son). Fantastic that services are around like that as I've often wondered what happens to sole parents that want to go to rehab. That sounds great Katie.
                            Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn

                            Harriet Beecher Stowe

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Going through hell!!

                              Katie, you are amazing going through all this showing the strength you are.
                              I hope all this drama is over for you and your son soon.
                              Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                              Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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