I've got the Devil in me today.

[Johnny]

I'm tired, lonely, angry. I feel guilt, remorse, hopeless, scared and I want to lash out. Today would be a day for drinking. In short, it's a shot day to be me. I'm not going to try and dress this up as anything other than it is. I'm here because I need a kind word. A sympathetic ear and I don't feel I can turn anywhere else.

[Miss Behaving]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Johnny, whats up? How come you are feeling like this today?

And congratulations - I see from your signature that you are 31 days today!! :goodjob::goodjob:

Is this having an impact do you think??

[one2many]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Hey Johnny,

GOOD on you for coming here and letting vent. Iknow days like that, a lot of us here do. The best way I can describe it for me would be someone telling me I won the lottery and just not caring or having any interest whatsoever.A WANKY day.

As you know hon, it will only make it wankier if you drink.....so I don't need to tell you that.

CONGRATULATIONS on your 31 days, that is a great achievement.

Do you think you have reached thwe "what now" feeling ??

[Chillgirl]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Hey Johnny - Im here so please vent away......

We all get days like this and need to ride them, Im so glad you came here and didnt turn to the bottle, im sure you knew that would only make things worse.

When I get down I find it helps not to over think, when i black thought comes in, let it drift by without grabbing hold of it and analyzing it

[Guitarista]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Hi Johnny,

Talk to us mate....

You've got to change your headspace right now. First, drink something to change what's happening with your taste bud's. Not alcohol of course, but something that will rattle your mouth. Soup, something not sweet.

[Guitarista]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Tired, angry, lonely. These are what AA warn us about. H.A.L.T.

You must change and address these feeling's now, and you're hopefully dealing with the lonely feeling by being here. Now work on the anger bro. Talk it out.

[stirly-girly]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Hi Johnny.
I just stopped in for a quick look at my PM's and saw your post. It's normal to have one of these days once in a while. Hard to get through but there are lots of people here that will help you do it. I just checked and there are a couple of people in chat. Maybe it would help you to go there and talk.
Have you heard of the HALT triggers? Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. They are four of the things that can trigger us into taking that first drink again. If you think it would help with the anger, write down what makes you angry and try to work through it.
If not, take some deep breaths and try to relax. Drink lots of liquids - juices and water and eat some healthy food. Call a friend to go for coffee or to a movie or a drive, anything to get you into a more positive state of mind. Just try your best to get through it. Go to the tool box and read the advice there or go back and read some of the other posts. Maybe that will help you. You've got 31 AF days under your belt. That's 31 whole days more than this one day. If you got through those, you can get through today. Best of luck...

[greeneyes]

I've got the Devil in me today.

johnny, that's quite a mix of feelings you have going on.... did something happen? It would probably help to talk it out, but in the meantime, I second Guitarista's approach to shake things up straight away. Tast buds and go for a very short brisk walk to change your physical space and get your blood flowing.

[Johnny]

I've got the Devil in me today.

I feel lonely today. I know that being on my own is good for me at the moment as in the past it has been too easy for me to fall into relationships which then become the ultimate fix (until they go wrong). The thing is I am always meeting girls who I think I would get on well with and sometimes make the mistake of exposing mysekf too much and then having to back track. On top of this, I am going to find it hard to establish a good relationship in the future because one of the reasons my last relationship ran into trouble was that we found out I had low fertility and she couldn't go through IVF. Therefore if I am going to try and establish a new, honest and open relationship with someone, I am potentially making this the other persons problem too. On top of everything else I have decided to quit my job in construction cause I am too intelligent and well educated for it and booze has helped me to ignore this. Good move, but scary. It's my birthday on Saturday, I'm 35 and I feel like I've wasted my life so far. I have no one to turn to other than a sympathetic but emotionally stunted ex, an alcoholic brother who doesn't see that he's got a problem, and friends who are mostly blokes whom I trust but would find it difficult to share this with. I've got therapy tomorrow, that will help, but it's tomorrow.

Feel a bit better for writing this, day 32 now... need to update that.

[Miss Behaving]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Johnny;910733 wrote:

Feel a bit better for writing this, day 32 now... need to update that.

Johnny - congrats on another day!!! :H:H

Bed time here in my world, but lots of people waking up in yours. Good on you for reaching out and asking for help. :l hope you have a good day

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Hi Johnny, sounds to me like you are trying to take too much on at one time. When we get AF after long periods of abuse our minds and bodies go through huge changes. I know personally my mood swings went from euphoria to despair in a short space of time. I have come to learn this is all part of the healing process.
Dont try and fix everything immediately, which is what we as alkies try and do, quick fix sound familar? Give it time, take it easy and be kind to yourself, it will all come good as your AF time mounts up and life improves.

[JackieClaire]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Hi Johnny,
Firstly well done on your 31 days.
Now believe it or not I started a thread called 'Struggling a bit' on my 31st day. I am so glad I reached out and asked for help before I picked up the dreaded first drink.
It wasn't an easy day but I wrote it off. I got myself an old book, watched some trash TV and a film.
Learning to live sober is not easy, but living with alcohol is so much harder.
I do hope you have a good session with your therapist tomorrow.
J x
:l

[Guitarista]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Congratulation's on day 32 mate! That's a huge achievement, so remember that, and be proud of yourself. Also be very proud of your latest career move! Great stuff i think. Take the leap! Just go for it, and it'll all work out in the end, one way or the other, so you've got absolutely nothing to lose. If we know our truth deep down, if we know who we really are, and where we should be, and where we want to go, then we must follow this path and go for it. Getting sober has set me free to finally follow my true path. I've been ripping myself off for far too long. Do what you have to do to stay sober mate. You're doing great. Ride through these little humps in the road, and just remember why you wanted to stop drinking. Be ruthless with your sobriety my friend, and watch the magic of your life unfold before you. Including relationship's.

Best wishes, and do what you have to do.

G.

[mollyka]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Johnny, I have nothing to add to previous posters, the advice they have given you is good - get out of the house and do something different - the feelings DO pass.
Anyway just to let you know you are not alone
Molly:l

[greeneyes]

I've got the Devil in me today.

Ahhh the winds of change are upon thee! Good for you! While change is not always and easy thing, it doesn't have to be terribly uncomfortable either. It's exciting!

johnny, your past relationships won't determine your future ones. I chose not to have children. A low fertility count would be an attractant for a catch like me! Shake up your persepctive on things a bit. Your life hasn't been wasted, it is a rich kaleidoscope of experiences. Be thrilled that you are adding to it new ones colored with your newly found AF freedom!