What is Sober

[Road to Recovery]

Hello my friends,
Something was posted recently, and it has made me wonder; what do YOU consider to be the meaning of Sober? I had my last drink on February 07 of this year, so I am somewhere around 5.5 months "Sober". I have not had one drop since that day. To me, that is the true meaning of Sober. However, there are others here that have been here the same amount of time, that have drank along the way, but consider themselves to have been sober the same amount of time. Somehow I feel cheated of my accomplishment but maybe I need to realize that my definition of sober may not be the same as others, or possibly not even correct. I have been torn as to wether to post this or not because it may upset those that have a different definition than I but it is something that has been bothering me.
Thoughts?

[moglor]

What is Sober

I could drink a beer and still be "sober," but I would feel like I'd cheated myself. I use the term "Alcohol Free." I am glad that moderation works for some people, and for them, sobriety just means non-alcoholic drinking patterns. 9 days AF and counting!

-Moglor

[one2many]

What is Sober

Road,

I can only give you my definition of sober....

To me being sober means not drinking.....

No slips, falls, one or two's, sips, blow outs, mistakes, binges etc.

I was almost a year and a half sober when I decided to try modding which I did for a few months and while I did only have a couple of drinks at weekends, I was no longer sober. I decided then that there was no point in having those couple of drinks at the weekend and that they did not enhance my life in any way. So I decided to live my life AF.

I would also like to point out here that I am not suggesting for a milisecond that anyone with AF time should try modding....I could have gone the other way and gone back into my daily drinking very easily...in fact it probably would have headed that way if I had continued.

So my year and a half was lost....gone....because I drank, I went straight back to day 1. So I had to start all over again.

And just to clarify, this is the definition of sober in the dictionary

Sober usually refers to sobriety, the state of not being under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

It does not say sometimes.....

Just my honest opinion, you are either sober or you are not....

[Marshy]

What is Sober

Road to recovery,

To me, sober is AF. They are the same thing. No alcohol.

I know we see quite often that people don't count a "slip" and say they are still on day 50 or whatever and seem to leapfrog over people who go back to day 1 when they drink. But in the end, it's not a competition. Be true to yourself - you're doing great!

(BTW, I went back to day 1 after 8.5 months AF. Kills me, kills me :H :H)

[greeneyes]

What is Sober

I agree road. Lets say you post that you are 30 DAYS!! That includes those shaky nights you spent in chat slugging water and chocolate mini candys. The nights you cried in quiet anger and frustration but didn't drink. The early evenings you spent pounding the pavement on your jogs to avoid the witching hour. Then someone posts 30 DAYS!! and that includes the few times they went ahead and drank rather than push through the urges. Yes, I would feel my accomplishment was discredited. So you must be careful to remember that this is your journey by your definitions.

I'm coming up on 9 months AF. Again.

And to me sober means AF. I truly think with problematic drinkers, you can't open the door to "degrees" of sober. How many times does the drunk slur "I'm fine".

[Marshy]

What is Sober

Also, from the point of view of breaking the addiction, I think continuous sobriety is essential. Otherwise you're just keeping it alive and feeding it from time to time.

Greenie - and those banging your head against the wall nights :headbanger: :headbanger: God, I had a few of those.

[spuddleduck]

What is Sober

good point road. i started this journey on 21 feb 2010, not long after you. after nearly 3 months i 'slipped' and have 'slipped' again since. i dont consider myself sober or AF from this time. im now on day 7. i do like to keep my AF journey started time as a reminder to myself (i could have been coming up to 5 months). i do think though, if it helps an individual to count themselves as sober, and this in turn helps their self esteem and ability to get more sober time then this should be accepted... after all we are all on the same journey. and well done on your sober time.

[Guest]

What is Sober

Good post SpuddleD

For me being sober means a combination of things first of which is being completely AF. Second is having a 'sober' approach to life. That means NOT behaving in the ways I did when I drank, and by that I don't mean drunk I mean all those sneaky little things/impatience/running around trying to do everything/panicking all the time..........the list is endless.

Basically it means living a decent life.

I've been dry for periods of up to 3 months in the past, but I wasn't sober during those spells. I was living on the edge all the time, was a bag of nerves that became twisted and deceitful.

That's me on being sober!

[one2many]

What is Sober

EXCELLENT point UK.....

Altho, it does take time to get there, the early sober days can be hard but with time, things just fall into place.

[Lavande]

What is Sober

I think we have to decide what is best for each of us!

It was important for me to give up AL! No slips, no attempts at moderate drinking, none of that. I just thought it would be easier in the long run because I don't trust my addicted self to stop after one or two.
Same with the smokes........not one puff, ever

Search your heart & soul, you'll find the answer that is right for you

Lav

[Chillgirl]

What is Sober

Yes I share the view that SOBER is the same as AF. Whether its one hour, one day, one week. Any consumption of alcohol is therefore not being sober and a slip is the same as a temporary relapse.

[dancelot]

What is Sober

To me, sober means not drinking, period. Getting through all the urges by doing what it takes rather than slipping and then conveniently discounting the fact...? It doesn't count, sorry. On another level it might indicate someone who is still in denial of a more dangerous kind - possibly more so than the person in denial who hasn't stopped yet or is not yet at the acceptance stage. I mean, by appearing to be OK mostly, one could be setting themselves up for a big time crash. I speak from personal experience - this is exactly what I did. But hey - that's also what got me here - and also convinced me this was the end of the line and that I finally, really had to do something - no other options left! I believe if I hadn't quit that day, not only would I still be drinking, I wouldn't be here trying. I'm not a planner or a tryer at anything - I do something 100% or I don't bother and feel zero guilt about it.

I like what Spud said - she gives herself credit (as I do) for 3 months, 1 month, etc, but acknowledges her slips, rather than saying she's been sober for 5 months. That's a realistic view. Many of us have to learn that - facing reality is not usually the way an alcoholic lives. I had two longish AF periods in my adult life - one 8 months and one 10 months. I could look back and use those for a couple of things. One, that I was capable of it. The second, was why did they end and what might have changed that? A plan - which I didn't have either time - and a 100% commitment to sobriety.

Learning to emotionally distance ourselves is something many of us need to learn (I had to - I gave up the guilt trip a few years back and wow, was that a load off). When we tie up our self esteem, etc, with our failures, it makes it that much harder. Yes, we're alcoholics, but we all have many other positive qualities. Alcoholism is a very serious problem, but it's easier to deal with when approached as just that - a problem, not a moral failing. I realize this is often easier said than done, but is well worth figuring out. Again, it goes back to looking at reality rather than wishful thinking.

Great thought provoking thread, Road to Recovery!

[caysea]

What is Sober

Hi All
Road I know this topic has been on your mind having discussed it in chat the other night and it is a good topic to bring up. Why should it matter some will say. Well road to you I say at this point in your sobriety it shouldn't. You are well on your way to living an al free lifestyle. Yes in your mind it takes away from your accomplishment but you can come to terms with that.

I also think that being sober is different from being al free. The mods here try to live a sober life but not al free.

The problem I do have is someone giving advice as if they are al free. But in reality many slips. I don't have problems with advice being given that is the only way we learn. It is not the fact that person has had slips that is the problem but they haven't found the way. Their plan is still being looked for. That person though is being looked at as some one who has a plan that is working.
We all sit here behind a computer no one sees the other member but relies on them being honest about how they are doing. I came here and specifically looked for the people that were having success and listened to them. They had found a way. I wanted their guidance. If someone still had al in their life in any way they hadn't crossed over to were I wanted to be.

I struggled for many years trying to get sober. I never in the past could get the al out of my life because I didn't realize the commitment I had to make. I can see were my mind always left the door open a crack for the possibility of having a drink. Having realized I am an alcoholic and can't let a drink come to my lips is a very different mind set. The advice I might give now is a lot different than if I was still having a drink[slipping] now and then.
The fact that I or others don't drink any more doesn't make us any more smarter in this area as another member. We can only say what we have done to get here and what we won't do in living our lives. I am an alcoholic who no longer drinks.

Road you will be looked here as time goes on as someone who is walking the walk. That is the only difference at MWO. Personally you will enjoy a new life and the benefits that comes along with that. What could be better.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[dancelot]

What is Sober

Great post, Caysea!

[Rusty-576]

What is Sober

That is a great post Cay...you gave that so much thought!!!...agree totally with your statement...
Roadie I know how this has upset your thoughts about your progress...remember we can only be accountable to ourselves!! xxx