What is Sober

[Johnny]

What is Sober

Too me Sober is not drinking. I don't see how there can be any confusion when we are talking about alcoholism! If people who are not alcoholics have one drink and say that they are still sober, fair enough. I could have one drink and I will have made a concious decision to turn my back on sobriety. If you are an alcoholic, then I think sober means Alcohol Free. It is in my opinion a question about the choice you are making.

[mario]

What is Sober

To me being sober is being Alcohol free, but to other people it means not being drunk. Good posts caysea & dancelot :-)

[hippie37]

What is Sober

Hi Road to Recovery

I want to thank you for being so honest with how you feel about this (quote: "cheated of my accomplishment"). I think that's more important and what I would see as the 'victory' here rather than the need for your question to be answered on what defines "sober". Courage to post how we really feel can take up so much head space with questioning "am I doing the right thing?" "will I upset anyone?" "what if I look stupid?" "will people judge me?" etc etc. I've done it myself and given myself such a hard time over whether I "should" or "shouldn't" post. It's a head wreck innit? lol

Take pride in your own accomplishments. No one else has done the work, you have! Be proud of yourself and let others worry about their own sobriety.

Thanks again for your post and your honesty.

Many Blessings
Phil

[spuddleduck]

What is Sober

caysee, just a thought on people giving advice who are not AF. i have had some great advice off people here who are not AF and some who are newly AF. although the advice may not be working for that person right now it could still be valid advice, most probably picked up from someone else here. though i agree it can be helpful to know at what stage of sobriety people are.

[rebirth]

What is Sober

greeneyes;915257 wrote:
And to me sober means AF. I truly think with problematic drinkers, you can't open the door to "degrees" of sober. How many times does the drunk slur "I'm fine".

Totally agree to that statement. While being sober I have noticed that my partner will say " I'm fine" when he is clearly not. Just makes me think of the numerous times I was drunk and thinking I was perfectly fine. Nevermind that I would fall over and make a prat of myself!

Some really good points made on this thread. Sober to me means alcohol free.

[mollyka]

What is Sober

Definitely I think sober should be absolutely alcohol free.
Molly

[KateH1]

What is Sober

To me, sober is AL Free. Modding means to drink "occasionally, with no compulsion to over do it". Sober Living, to me, means to change those personality traits that triggered me to drink in the past. This process takes a lot longer than stopping the drink. But it definitely leads to a much better life. I worry about things far less, I have far less anxiety and depressed days etc.

Road, no one can deminish your accomplishments. You OWN your sobriety and all other accomplishments along the way! At the end of the day, what others do or say is no reflection on you at all. It is a reflection on themselves and it is up to them to deal with their own, thoughts, words and actions. The only importance they have on you, is the importance that YOU give to them. And, yes, on occasion most of us probably give far more attention to the words and actions of others than they deserve or is neccessary. Take what serves you well and leave the rest in the dust!

I fully admit, that from time to time I get annoyed by those that are still drinking giving advice to those seriously trying to quit. Especially when they say things that clearly will not help to close the door completely to alcohol. It's the old "Birds of a Feather" sort of think, I think.

Road, you have done well and you are in the process of learning how to live sober......keep up the great work and don't let anyone else derail you!
xo Kate

[Doggygirl]

What is Sober

Road, this is a good topic and I'm glad you brought it up since it was on your mind! Don't worry about what other people think.

Here is what these terms mean to me when I use them about my own sobriety:

1. Sober = Alcohol Free. (a normal drinker like my husband can occassionally drink and be living a sober life. I CANNOT. For me, the only way to live a sober life and be sober is to not drink any alcohol, AT. ALL.)

2. 788 Days AF = 788 with absolutely no drinking alcohol at all. Not one sip, not two sips, not a drink, not a weekend fall from the wagon, not ANY ALCOHOL AT ALL.

3. My sobriety date is May 22, 2008. That means I have not had any alcohol, at all since May 21, 2008.

4. My original sobriety date was July 11, 2007 but that doesn't matter. Because then I drank again 60 days later, so that is NOT my sobriety date. And then I had a zillion other sobriety dates between September 2007 and May 22, 2008. None of those matter either when it comes to the amount of continuous sobriety I have had. Did I learn important lessons during that time? Yes. Is it AF time? No.

There are others on this site who feel differently about this. That's OK. The only person's sobriety I am responsible for is my own. It's life and death for me. So for me, there is no AL at all in my AF / sober life. For me to think any differently would be a mind game of a very dangerous kind for me.

Congratulations on your accomplishments learning how to live sober.

DG

[Ringing Cedars]

What is Sober

Very proud of you too Road!

When I decide to count days I agree with some that there cannot be any blips to feel I have accomplished those days or years. They are af days that I count, not sober days.

So then I truly could not say that I was 4 years af 13 years ago because I had a couple of glasses of wine at Christmas as I was getting holy hell for being "holier than thou". Can't win sometimes....

Hmmm... in that case I can say I was sober for 4 years.

It really does come down to what works for you and what you are happy with.

[Sunnyvalenting]

What is Sober

I am in the minority here. I have chosen the term abstinent rather than sober. I am choosing lifetime abstinence. In California you can pass a field sobriety test if your alcohol level is less than .08. That indicates to me that at least the law considers sobriety to be anything below that level. I think that for people who are not alcohol dependent that may be a reasonable goal: to stay below the legal level. But for anyone desiring to break the addiction I believe the best way is to commit to total abstinence. For me it is avoiding that first drink - the one which undermines all the judgment I have and makes me shoot right past reasonable to stinking drunk. If anyone on this board can moderate and that is their goal then I can let them define "sobriety" for themselves. But for me the only reasonable goal is abstinence. Another's definition does not undermine or dilute my success here nor should it influence your justified pride in your accomplishments of abstinence.
I have been contiuously abstinent since mid January.

[Ringing Cedars]

What is Sober

Yes well a legally blind person in Canada could drive in Cali legally last I heard, which was 10 years ago. That was scary

[Road to Recovery]

What is Sober

I just want all to know,
This thread was not created as an attack or call out against those who are moderating. I apologize to those that are moderating and feel I was making them not feel welcome on this forum. I do respect you and hope that you continue to feel welcome here.

[Eve11]

What is Sober

I agree with most folks here. Sober to me truly means choosing an AF life and not falling, slipping, etc.

I lived that life for 7 years. Was told to go to AA by my therapist because I failed the standard 4 question alcohol test when I was in therapy for co-dependence. Thought, "ok, if she thinks I'm an alcoholic I must be" so I went to A.A., never had any problem quitting and counted every day of my sobriety proudly.

Many years later an Aunt of my new husband kept encouraging me to have a glass of wine with dinner with everyone when we ate as a family. It sure did look appealing and I had quit A.A. a few years earlier.

After 7 years, that 1 glass ended my sobriety. I wish I had never picked it up. I ended up struggling for years with drinking too much when I drank until I found my way here finally in 07 when enough felt like enough.

I have been moderating (in some ways hate to say it as it's such a slippery slope to moderate and I don't want other successful AFers to think they may be able to moderate too) since 2007.

Is my moderating successful? Yes, but I pay a high price for it. Hubby has no drinking problem so going out with him means no more than 2 glasses in a night. But modding can work because he's a controlled, no problem drinking. If I were with a problem drinker I'd be foolish to think I could mod. Going to parties means non-al at the beginning and only drinking AL when it's almost ending. I am usually craving more once I start and hating how I feel the next day because it interferes with my sleep (yes, even one or two). So, who is the free one here? Certainly not me.

Sober to me means no al and proudly counting every day that you get through another without it.
:l
Eve11

[Marshy]

What is Sober

Eve11, I'm glad you posted that.

As I understood it, this thread was a reaction to members who are striving to be AF but drink and yet still say they are celebrating X months sober even though they have been drinking during that time.

It wasn't about moderating at all, which is a whole different ballgame.

[Eve11]

What is Sober

Marshy,
Yes, I understand this was post was not about modding at all but about an honest question by someone trying to go AF who gets discouraged when they struggle so hard to maintain sobriety and then someone else comes along stating they drank on Friday night (as an example) but consider themselves sober.

When I did A.A. - those folks who drank weren't judged but it was considered a "fall of the wagon" and they had then lost their "so many days sober time" and were picking up and starting again at day 1.

For me if I were AF I would just want things to be fair in my AF world of what that meant and for me it would mean staying sober with sober meaning no drinks whatsover.

Eve11