What is Sober

[TJ]

What is Sober

I like this thread. Sober to me is to not use any mind altering substance at any time. If I use I loose.

Tj

[Doggygirl]

What is Sober

TJ;918250 wrote: If I use I loose.

Tj

Me too TJ. :welcome:

DG

[Guitarista]

What is Sober

Eve11;918174 wrote: I agree with most folks here. Sober to me truly means choosing an AF life and not falling, slipping, etc.

I lived that life for 7 years. Was told to go to AA by my therapist because I failed the standard 4 question alcohol test when I was in therapy for co-dependence. Thought, "ok, if she thinks I'm an alcoholic I must be" so I went to A.A., never had any problem quitting and counted every day of my sobriety proudly.

Many years later an Aunt of my new husband kept encouraging me to have a glass of wine with dinner with everyone when we ate as a family. It sure did look appealing and I had quit A.A. a few years earlier.

After 7 years, that 1 glass ended my sobriety. I wish I had never picked it up. I ended up struggling for years with drinking too much when I drank until I found my way here finally in 07 when enough felt like enough.

I have been moderating (in some ways hate to say it as it's such a slippery slope to moderate and I don't want other successful AFers to think they may be able to moderate too) since 2007.

Is my moderating successful? Yes, but I pay a high price for it. Hubby has no drinking problem so going out with him means no more than 2 glasses in a night. But modding can work because he's a controlled, no problem drinking. If I were with a problem drinker I'd be foolish to think I could mod. Going to parties means non-al at the beginning and only drinking AL when it's almost ending. I am usually craving more once I start and hating how I feel the next day because it interferes with my sleep (yes, even one or two). So, who is the free one here? Certainly not me.

Sober to me means no al and proudly counting every day that you get through another without it.
:l
Eve11

Wow Eve,

Thank's for your honest post. I wish you every success, in moderating, and in life.
Best wishes, G.

[paguy]

What is Sober

For me, I know that sober has to be totally alcohol free. I would only be kidding myself to qualify my sobriety based on the number of drinks I had....

[Sunbeam]

What is Sober

I agree with most that has been posted, but I did not read everything so I can't honestly say "all". My comment is that I find it unusual that someone uses the term sober to include days that they have something to drink. When I do have even one drink, I don't feel the same, so I think I am not sober. When I go to work I need to be sober, and that would not include having something to drink. In the time I have posted here, I don't recall anyone posting on the mods threads who used the term sober in this way. People are free to choose their own words, but this is not the usual use of this term.

[rubywillow]

What is Sober

Semantics (from Greek "σημαντικός" - semantikos[1][2]) is the study of meaning, usually in language. The word "semantics" itself denotes a range of ideas, from the popular to the highly technical. It is often used in ordinary language to denote a problem of understanding that comes down to word selection or connotation. This problem of understanding has been the subject of many formal inquiries, over a long period of time, most notably in the field of formal semantics. In linguistics, it is the study of interpretation of signs or symbols as used by agents or communities within particular circumstances and contexts.[3] Within this view, sounds, facial expressions, body language, proxemics have semantic (meaningful) content, and each has several branches of study. In written language, such things as paragraph structure and punctuation have semantic content; in other forms of language, there is other semantic content.[3]

I post this only so that everyone can see that words are powerful, but individually connotative. Everyone has posted their own personal feelings, and that's wonderful. But what about those of us that must use mind-altering drugs to be able to function with any normalcy, to get out of bed each day? We are not in the strictest sense 'sober', but what else can we do? We, who suffer debilitating diseases, walk a fine line, and I believe most, like myself, worry constantly with each medication we take, that we are just trying to achieve what others take for granted, to be able to function at least on the most basic level. I am in no way condoning drug use to 'feel good'. That carries a whole new can of worms, and with what we already suffer, is not something we want to open. We want what is so natural to most of the world. And often, as in my case, the first self-medication we find available is alcohol. Then, someone wise and wonderful, listens to us, and helps us find the level to live our lives. But alcohol by then has taken a hold, so we win one battle, and have to begin fighting another, as the real treatment cannot co-exist with alcohol abuse.
My point, though it seems rambling!, is that we all get to a point where we fight the same demon, just for different reasons. It finally became so apparent to me that I had to make a choice, to be as much of myself as I could, with medication, or become a parody of me. Someone who would be of no use to those I love, and look up to me with such adoration I still find it hard to understand. Being 'out of it' is impossible for me to comprehend, as I find it selfish, and would never forgive myself for not being there when they need me.
Maybe it's not the right reason, as we always are told 'gain sobriety for yourself'. But the little lives in mine are such a lifeline for me. I would be the best person I can even without them, but they add a real focus to my battle, my journey. I have a problem with putting myself last in importance, but the rewards I receive in my sober life are beyond measure. It's not about prestige, or money. It's about being the person that others look up too and love, come to for help, protection, knowledge. If I achieve nothing else on this plane of existence, I have been rewarded 100-fold, through what I've been able to give others. I'm not a pushover; I demand them to be their best; learn, experience, be accountable for their behavior and their future. That's what I expect of myself.
I'm sorry for the rant. My story is a long one, and has had many twists, turns, and blessings. Yet I still fell into the same trap my Daddy begged and warned me about, because I'm so much like him. But now, I think of him each day when I think about how I'll react to others. He had a horrible childhood, but early on became aware of his responsibility to take care of others, and it was his lifelong quest. Mine too, I've realized. And it's not an easy burden.
This is pertinent to the thread. I've rambled, and I'm sorry. But I started with the purpose of saying we each find ourselves in trouble for so many reasons, and labels are not appropriate, anywhere. Every step forward is a good one. If there was a tried and true path, we would all take it without hesitation, because we want to be free, don't we? It's time to look at our commitment, our personal purpose, in this fight. Do we want true freedom, or validation for our misery?
Again, I'm sorry for the ramble. It's just the way I feel, right now, at this stage in my progress.