What the HELL is happening here ???

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

What the HELL is happening here ???

Nice one, Cindi. It reminds me of Rubys saying "none of us got here for singing too loudly in the choir"

[Guest]

What the HELL is happening here ???

All I know is this;

I came here because I thought it might help me with my drinking problem
I'm an alcoholic and like most with drink problems moderation isn't an option
I'm not interested in moderation - AL makes me feel sh!t full stop
I'm poodling along on day 115 very happily having finally turned my life around with the help of this forum amongst other things.

I wasn't aware any of the above were contrary to the membership of this forum, in fact I thought they were encouraged. I have however learnt to stand back from some threads as people are all in different places, and different situations. I once wasn't open to help - although I thought I was. So sometimes best to let people find their own way and be here when they need us.

[KateH1]

What the HELL is happening here ???

For those that are discussing the mission statement or the reason for the creation of this message board, I ask. How many have actually read the book My Way Out? I did read this book and it has had a profound affect on my life and my sobriety. This book was published in 2005, it was written By Roberta Jewel with co-author Dr. Linda Garcia. The book is the story of RJ's way of becoming a "moderate drinker" with the use of Topamax, hynosis, supplements and exercise. RJ also makes it very clear what "Moderate Drinking" is by "her definition".....no where does she claim that "moderate drinking" is whatever the drinker "chooses moderation to be". No where in the book does the author claim that ALL People can "Learn" to drink moderately. In fact, many of us that came here with the dream of moderating found that we were not able to moderate....period. I was one of those people. Never the less, the information contained in the book has lead me to "My Way Out". I think if we are to discuss the purpose of My Way Out, then lets truly discuss The Book.

As for "Judgement", I also do not see alot of judgment here. But I do see people trying hard to help people see their situation more clearly through sharing experiences. Yes, some take offence. This is what alcoholics do.....they seek excuses and blaiming others and circumstances to justify drinking. Those still "in their disease", often do not want to hear the truth or see things in another way. Going along with this thinking, to some, may seem "kind", but in fact it is not. These conversations FEED the Disease of alcoholism.

I love Ruby's saying "none of us got here for singing too loudly in the choir". No one is claiming to not have had serious problems in the past due to alcohol. In fact, that is the very reason we are here. AA has a step that says, " The first step is to take personal responsibility for ourselves"....this is not easy. I fought taking this step for years, and when I finally did, it was very painful and difficult, but it truly was the First Step to finding my way out.

As for those here that will fight for "their right" to come her and post and chat while drinking. That this helps them to perhaps drink less and find companionship. I ask, why do these few have the right to their "bar talk" when others here are fighting for their lives and their sobriety? There are many social websites where they can go if they want "Drinking Chat". On the other hand, some of us, perhaps all of us have on occasion, particulary early on, posted and/or chatted while drinking or even drunk......most of the time, this is not a routine. We all accept these lapses and move on.

I feel very sad that MWO has become a place where so little valuable information on recovery is shared. Most long termers have left. I rarely post any more. I will not join in on the poor you....yes your wife is a ------- or your husband is a jerk BS! How does that help anyone? Who truly knows this other person or the truth of the situation enough to "Judge"?

We have a choice, do we want to live as we always have? Or do we want to change? Do we want others to enable us and help to keep us stuck? Or do we truly want to listen to some of the tough choices and face ourselves and find Our Way Out? That Choice is up to each one of us. But, it is not OK to continually attack those that are very serious about beating this horrible addiction.

Kate

[spuddleduck]

What the HELL is happening here ???

in response to katieh1. i dont know what it was like in the past, ive only been here since february and this site has been an absolute godsend to me. there have been a few upseting posts as i gather there has always been but beyond that i have found it an amazing place. i value everyones words and opinions, even if they are not in line with my own. maybe it used to be better, maybe it will be again but i still find it a wonderful wonderful place... and thanks once again to the founders and to everyone on here

[Johnny]

What the HELL is happening here ???

I joined a little over a month ago and this website has really helped me to stay sober, I am grateful to it for helping me to start getting my life the way that I want it. It has felt like there has been some angst building up lately. I am sightly more hesitant about posting at the moment, I think that is probably a feeling shared by many which will inevitably have knock on effects and will perhaps snowball in a number of directions until the thaw. I am hopeful it will pass.

[Cinders]

What the HELL is happening here ???

I want to add something here. I hope everyone takes it the way I truly mean it. I seem to irritate the "oldies" and piss of the "newbies" and not articulate what I truly want to convey.

However, here goes:

Kate is a very welcome person on MWO. She struggled mightly from the beginning and fell a few times in her journey. She knows what it took for her to get sober, she knows what it takes for her to be happy and sober and she shares it. She shares it with kindness, caring and straightforwardness. Sometimes Kate and I have "butted heads" because I am a different sort of person. I have struggled much longer than Kate, I have gone down the elevator much farther than she has and I empathize, I think often to the detriment of those I speak to, about the situation we are in.

Kate is no-nonsense. If you want to get sober and take your life back. Do it!!

I am one grateful person she is here and gives her advice. When I have fallen down, she has been there to lend a very kind and loving hand and give me words I don't want to hear but must hear.

At the end of the day, Kate's path has been much better than my path. I have wavered, cried, posted drunk and stupid, and done many other things I regret due to my drinking.

Can I follow Kate's path? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know.

I do know that people like Kate who keep sounding the horn that there is a way out of this nightmare keeps me going.

Yes. I have butted heads with her and others here.

But I love Kate and admire her.

I love so many here. We have so many kind and caring souls on this virtual space. We all run the gamut.

There is room for all of us.

I hope I haven't offended anyone but at the end of the day, I don't care. All I care about is what Bear used to tell me, "Never give up trying to quit. Your life depends on it."

I look at the night sky and see Ursa Major and think of him. He was a kind soul.

So is our dear Kate.

Love,
Cindi

[Johnny]

What the HELL is happening here ???

Nice Post Cinders.

[canadiangirl]

What the HELL is happening here ???

For the record, I just posted this in the mods forum. There has been NO activity there for a week or more.

Well, folks, the moderator-bashing continues. The relevant threads, in order, are:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ber-43786.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ere-43832.html

I really don't know what to do now. I liked coming here, and I got so much for my fellow mods. I think of you as friends. I don't know how I can post honestly here anymore with so much judgment and dislike evident towards us. Ironic? Wow. It seems likes it's My Way (or the Highway) Out. Or perhaps My Way (is Far Far Better and Nobler than Your Way) Out. What did the mods do to deserve this? We stayed in our own corner, commented little or at all on anything going on outside, never posted drunk. never did "drama"...

Like I say, I don't know what to do next. Judging by how quiet it's been around here, I'm thinking maybe some of you are feeling the same way.

Take care, everyone. :l

I can't even tell you how sad this has all made me.

[Road to Recovery]

What the HELL is happening here ???

canadiangirl;918033 wrote: For the record, I just posted this in the mods forum. There has been NO activity there for a week or more.

Well, folks, the moderator-bashing continues. The relevant threads, in order, are:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ber-43786.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ere-43832.html

I really don't know what to do now. I liked coming here, and I got so much for my fellow mods. I think of you as friends. I don't know how I can post honestly here anymore with so much judgment and dislike evident towards us. Ironic? Wow. It seems likes it's My Way (or the Highway) Out. Or perhaps My Way (is Far Far Better and Nobler than Your Way) Out. What did the mods do to deserve this? We stayed in our own corner, commented little or at all on anything going on outside, never posted drunk. never did "drama"...

Like I say, I don't know what to do next. Judging by how quiet it's been around here, I'm thinking maybe some of you are feeling the same way.

Take care, everyone. :l

I can't even tell you how sad this has all made me.

Canadian Girl,
You and I have interacted before, in a positive way. The thread I started was not an attack on Moderators, and I do not have any illwill against moderators. Hell when I started this journey, thats what I wanted but i ended up on a different path. My thread was directed against one member and instead of addressing them personally, I took the cowards way out and posted a thread. My problem is not that some one is moderating and posted they were sober, my problem is that this person proclaims to be sober even though they have gotten drunk 7 times in the last 6 months and takes credit that they have been sober for 6 months. I have been in what I consider "sober" for the same amount of time, and I did not get drunk once during that time hence i felt that anyone can just post that they are "sober" and get congratulated for it. Modders are people who are or are trying to continue to drink but in a controlled manor. I have no issue with that at all.
I would not want anyone here to leave because of people's opinions.
I respect you and do not want you to feel that you are discriminated against.

[canadiangirl]

What the HELL is happening here ???

Not to worry, Sweetie - I know you. And I know you wouldn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. You didn't write any of the things that I'm responding to. I understand what you were aiming at in your original post. It was the free-for-all afterwards that got to me.

Peace and :l

[hart]

What the HELL is happening here ???

When I was drinking and I had been most of my time at MWO, I still came on chat. I usually was still pretty coherent and had some hard times. I probably pissed some off that I could be encouraging to others and yet was still drinking. But I can and did. I'm AF for 46 days and grateful for it. But I still have the friends here that I had while drinking and encouragement from them and others who are AF. A very few here, come on here and post or get into chat and keep stating the same old song, want to monopolize the conversation and generally don't take anything away or give anything worthwhile. It does get tedious. Most are not like that and some of us get that way once in a while and can be forgiven. Tolerance is a loving emotion. Let's all try and be as loving as possible to all. Last nite I was on and the conversation was about songs. I had nothing to add and I left. I know if I had said I needed help with something the convo. would have changed. But everyone was enjoying the convo. and so I left. Not mad, just not needing anything in particular and not having anything on that subject. That's okay too.

[KateH1]

What the HELL is happening here ???

Cindi, thank you for your kind words......they truly touched my heart. Yes, you are so right, True friends do disagree, but, at the end of the day true friends are able to build much stronger relationships, based on honesty and trust. We have certainly accomplished this over the years here!

Hart brings up a great point, we are always free to leave chat or move to a different thread here. We do have different personality's and varying "points of view". None of this needs to be equated as "judgement".....just food for thought and consideration or, just move on. Like Hart, I have left chat because I was not interested in the conversation, or even because I did not enjoy the direction that chat was going. No big drama just a simple good night! I think some of the best advice I have heard over the past few years is this "Do not be too quick to become offended" Wayne Dyer. Just because somone has a different point of view, or even a different approach, does not mean that one has to take it personally and consider this to be a "judgement". Frankly, it is not usually about you!....or me!

I will be honest, personal attacks here are quite rare. I have become quite accustomed to Reggie's lobbing insults and nastiness at me and frankly, I don't even read that crap! It has nothing to do with me, who I am, nor where I am in my journey. We speak from where "We Are", Who We Are. Nothing anyone else can say is really about us, it is about them and who they are in their heart and soul. Truly, no one is responsible for what somone else thinks about themselves. No one can bring us down, unless we open the door to it! Peace Out!

[momof3]

What the HELL is happening here ???

Good Morning Good People,

I have been coming to this forum for quite awhile now. Like many of us, I had a desire to moderate but found out after many attempts and much misery that I had to give up Alcohol for good. I am very grateful for this forum and for the people who have supported me and shared their wisdom.

I stick to those threads that I know will be helpful to me and where I can be helpful to others in an honest and straightforward way. For me, that is the Monthly Abs and Long Term Abs sections. I do not visit the Moderation threads, chat, and usually avoid threads where there is a mixture of drinkers or non-drinkers.

I respect everyone's journey and struggles but like Kate, I do not want to support the behavior that often comes with being an active drinker, i.e., the drama, being a victim, looking for excuses for slipping or lapsing, etc. If people come to the Monthly Abs and Long Term Abs secions expressing a desire to be AF, I strive to be honest when I see behavior that is counter to that desire. It is not my desire to convert anyone to "my way." Rather, it is to be authentic, honest, and supportive.

M3

[Cinders]

What the HELL is happening here ???

It is not my desire to convert anyone to "my way." Rather, it is to be authentic, honest, and supportive.

This is what I was trying to say about the whole "judgemental" thing.

We all need to be honest and supportive.

I am here to be honest and supportive.

Sometimes honest hurts.

Sometimes it helps.

At the end of the day, we all want everyone, MODS or ABBERS to be well.

Love,
Cindi

[momof3]

What the HELL is happening here ???

I would add that I think all of us here are a rather sensitive bunch and think this can be both a good and not so good thing. It is good because it allows us to care about others and to empathize with them because we can feel what they are feeling. It can get difficult when we get our feathers ruffled easily. I often wonder if it's brain or chemistry changes from alcohol that causes this sensitivity. Or, if those of us who have alcohol abuse issues have a tendency to be more sensitive than others. Who knows? I have observed though that the further away I get from my last drink, the less reactive I have become.