Lately I've been feeling like my way out

[FallonsMom]

Is death, like this has been running through my mind heavy lately but I think about my daughter and I change my mind I just wish I could go away to Rehab or something to clear my head and get my thoughts together however with me being the bread winner in my family that wouldn't be possible and I have no money saved. Sometimes I feel like I'm worth more dead then alive well actually I am lol it's just one tragedy after another in my life and well I'm just tired, really tired I don't really have family I can talk to about this and my Husband doesn't get it and isn't trying to.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. :upset:


(I just needed to vent at the moment and I'm stone cold sober and these thoughts are still racing through my head)

[expat3]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

Hi, I'm pretty new to MWO but I saw your post. The threads are VERY quiet tonight . But it sounds to me you do need a break. I know you said you are the breadwinner but is there anyway you could find some therapy? I had to do that when I lived in Dublin. Six weeks at a day hospital--and it really helped to turn my black thoughts around. Plus, anti-depressants. Are you still there??? Write back if you want-I'll be around for a bit.

[Pride before Fall]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

Fallon's Mom, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. What a load of crap to bear. I'm so glad you realize ending your life is not an option, because you have a daughter, and you know in essence it would be like taking her with you. You also seem to realize no matter how black things seem, it's not the color that things actually are; it's how you are seeing them right now. It's a lens of current circumstances. And that, I promise you, will change. I've been there; exactly there, including a murder.

What you're going through is more than just alcohol, it's grief and debilitating depression. The doctor who helped you with detox sounds wonderful; call him now and tell him how you're feeling. The world will NOT tumble down if you are not the one holding it up; your husband can manage for a few weeks while you rest and shore up your resources. How do you intend to keep going feeling as you are, anyway?

You feel like no one will help you, but they will; you feel like there's no way out, but there is. When you least feel like it'll make a sh*t bit of difference, reach out for help. Please call that wonderful doctor who did the home detox, or call Samaritans now. 877-870-4673. It's completely anonymous. Your daughter needs her mommy to be happy, so that is what her mommy is going to be. Right? : )

[FallonsMom]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

expat3 I'm here but I'm at work as well and PBF thank you very much for your kind words

[rubywillow]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

FM, I'm trying to think of the words.
I've been truly blessed in my life, but I'm not rich (tho some think I am!). By sheer luck, I married a man who TRULY loves, and shares mine and my family's work ethic. But, after almost 40 years, he hasn't understood the depth of feelings we have (no complaints to him) but tries, in his way, to help.
You sound like you feel so alone. I understand that. We can be lonely alone in a crowd. But life CAN be good, and you have given life, so you know what that means. I've never experienced what you have. But many have, and I lost a very good friend recently who could not come to terms with her life.
You have ones who depend on you, and that's another burden, but a blessing. They're not always kind, understanding, accepting. But they are PART of you, and you are part of them. Most importantly, you have YOUR life, and it can become better, until you're happy.
It's so difficult in your situation to know how to respond, because I'm not you. But I've talked with you, several times, on threads. And EACH of us is important, with or without family. You have children, so that gives extra weight to this problem. Others care, I CARE, how you are, what your life becomes.
This is a glitch in your emotions. It's not permanent, though it feels deadly right now. You wouldn't have chosen your name if you were a selfish person.
I'm struggling with things right now I won't compare with yours. You say you have no family? We become family here, though some people come and go. PM me, and I'll give you information on people (with their permission) you can call, hear a human voice of someone who cares. You are a beautiful, valuable, person here, and you're going through a hard time. Many do. The difference between them and you is that you've asked for help here. And we're here to help. Contact me, OK?
:hug:Rubes:hug:

[Pink Angel]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

I dont want this to be harsh but DEATH or Suicide is one way to punish and execute unbearable pain on the ones you leave behind. Please believe me i speak from experience. NOTHING is worth leaving your daughter and husband behind. Please get help, even if you take unpaid leave its not the end of the world.
Keep posting, we are all here for you.

[rubywillow]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

SO right, PA. I've had enough of that.

[PhoenixRising]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

FM, I think everyone has thought about it at some point or another, certainly people struggling with substance abuse. Sure, it would be easier, for YOU. Think about all the people who care about you who would be devastated. I had a dark night of the soul just like yours about 2 weeks ago, sobbing on the living room floor. Even the dogs walked away. :upset: I don't know if you were here when Cowgal was here. She was my first friend on this site and I was devastated when she committed suicide. If only she could have waited. I miss her more than words can say.

The one good thing about being totally down is there is no place to go but UP!
In the 2 weeks since my dark night, I've hit the switch with the Bac and I have hope now. I am so far away from where I was. I, too, can't talk about this with hubby and my best friend of 35 years is so wrapped up in her BF it's not even funny. I feel replaced. You are NOT alone - you have all of us here and we have all been where you are and we all are getting through it. Just hang on until tomorrow. Sometime the light of the next day shines just a little brighter.

PM me if you like, I would enjoy it. I love getting PMs, and one from you would be especially nice. (I am traveling tho, so be patient if it takes a while for me to get back to you)

Hang tight, Fallon's Mom. Fallon loves you and so do we and so does God. He's not ready for you yet!

Hugs to you,

-P.

[rubywillow]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

I hope those of you who have posted here will do so again, no matter where you are in your struggle against our common foe. I believe we are the point in our lives when we can be the most productive, the most wise, the most beautiful, and revered, but WE have to believe that. Yes, this is now a society that worships the tanned, toned, youth. And maybe our experiences have contributed to our problem, but we have TODAY, and I wouldn't trade that for any yesterdays!
I always have remembered a short poem I read in High School, by Edna St. Vincent Milay:
"As you are, so once was I.
As I am, so shall you be."
I've always loved the older generation. For decades, my neighbor called me, always asking if my husband objected. (He was 75 at the beginning!) It ended just before his 101st birthday, and I loved hearing from him. So did my daughter, who visited him on her trips home from college, and he kept our picture among his family photos. I was honored to be asked by his daughter to paint a picture of their family home, and though it was large and framed, he carried it around like a wallet photo till his kids made him stop.
I digress, I know, but just want those of you struggling with depression, weight gain, etc., quit projecting on others what you think they think of you. LOVE yourself, as you are. Be healthy, take care of yourself, but accept yourself, and anyone who counts will accept and love you to. And POST something today, let us know you're OK.

[FallonsMom]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

thank you every body I needed to read this, last night I broke down and called one of my pastors who actually work with addicts for a living then I went to a AA meeting and I met a lot of wonderful people. All I can do is take this one day at a time.

[mama bear]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

Fallons Mom..I am thinking of you

[FallonsMom]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

thank you Mama Bear

[brightlite]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

Hi FallonsMom,

I'm also at an all time low. I had an incident happen recently that has really taken it's toll on me mentally. I find it is hard to bounce back. I'm happy that you have taken steps and I need to do the same.

Rubes, I hear you loud and clear and as you know I have not posted for awhile. Although I come on the board and read almost every day, I have not joined in in a long time. Yes, you are all my friends and family here and I will try to post more often. Cutting myself off and isolation is just not good for me.

Bright

[FallonsMom]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

brightlite;921942 wrote: Hi FallonsMom,

I'm also at an all time low. I had an incident happen recently that has really taken it's toll on me mentally. I find it is hard to bounce back. I'm happy that you have taken steps and I need to do the same.

Rubes, I hear you loud and clear and as you know I have not posted for awhile. Although I come on the board and read almost every day, I have not joined in in a long time. Yes, you are all my friends and family here and I will try to post more often. Cutting myself off and isolation is just not good for me.

Bright

I do this to hang in there and I will to :l

[Pride before Fall]

Lately I've been feeling like my way out

HUGE step in the right direction, Fallon's fab mom!