How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

[neart]

Hi, hope it's okay to start a new thread - I'm very new here! I am looking for advice on how to deal with people offering alcohol, or people pressurising you to drink etc. I have been changing my lifestyle a lot over the past year, not hanging around with so many drinkers, I broke up with a heavy drinker, and trying to bring positive change into my life. One of my biggest stumbling blocks when trying to stay AF is feeling under pressure from people to drink. Sometimes I drink non-alcoholic beer when I'm out (not sure whether that's recommended or not but it works for me) and I don't get any hassle unless someone figures out. I had one very close friend (who I don't want to lose) actually try to talk me out of stopping drinking a couple of months back, and I found myself drinking with her. Where I live, if I were to cut out everyone that drank from my social circle, i would have nothing left!
I'd really appreciate some advice from people who've been down this road about how to deal with other people - I don't want to say I have a drink problem to friends or family, to be honest - this forum is the only place I've admitted it and felt okay with that.

[Chillgirl]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Neart - Welcome to MWO and glad you found us, there is tremendous support here which helps you deal with life on the outside. I was in a similar position to you whereas my entire social life (actually just life!) revolved around drinking and it seemed unsurmountable to be able to quit in these circumstances.... but I did.

If you are really serious about quitting its best to avoid social drinking events even if its just in the beginning until you feel stronger. Try to fill your time with other things, look up friends who dont drink so much and arrange to see them and do other things. It doesnt have to be forever but it makes such a difference to start with. You will probably find that once you do feel strong enough to socialize that actually you dont want to be around drinkers (they are rather boring!) and your friend that pressurizes you to drink no doubt has a problem drinking themselves and if they really cared about you they would be more understanding.

I would avoid non AL beer, its too easy to fool yourself and maybe slip back over to a real one, choose a soft drink and if people ask tell them you dont feel like drinking, it is your choice, your body, your health and your life! You dont need to go into a big explanation, even now I make light of it saying oh I just felt I was drinking a bit much so I needed a break. The reaction has been way better than I ever imagined.

I wish you well and would encourage you to keep reading and posting.

[Guest]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Just say you don't want a drink. I know that sounds very simple but you are an adult and you don't have to consume anything you don't want to. Whilst my true friends don't drink and would never give me any alcohol themselves, I had drinking associates(some of whom have turned up on my door step with bottles of wine, often open) and am often in drinking situations with work contacts. At first I was a little scared but now I'm proudly very strong and know I don't have to explain anything to anyone.

Tis difficult at first though.

[mollyka]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Hi Neart, think I'm following you around today! Its a tricky one, and one I think I haven't fully dealt with yet. I have pretty much cut myself off from the drinking scene - genuinely not because I'd be tempted but I get so irritated with people who make a big thing out of it 'why aren't you drinking', 'just have one' sort of shite! And I agree with Chill, being around drinkers now bores me to tears! I know that just not going out at all isn't the answer, so as I say haven't dealt with it really. My hubs is good in that when we do go out now we just go for a meal, not to the pub beforehand for 'a few pints' like we used to.
Anyway, I'm not much use to you, just my tuppence worth!
Molly

[mario]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Hi neart and welcome to mwo,At the start you need to stay away from social events, just to give yourself a chance as its hard to break habits of a lifetime,make up some excuses why you cant go or cant drink,there are numerous ones you can use,read the threads & posts here and you will see you are not alone,hope to see you around , :-)

[Lavande]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Hi Neart,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place!

Take a look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for good ideas for your plan to stay AF.

Just don't let anyone pressure you! You are an adult, the contents of your glass is no one's business but yours. Drop in the Newbies Nest for support, see what the others are doing

Wishing you the best on your journey,

Lav

[neart]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Wow, thank you all so much for your responses! :thanks:
Molly - I thought it was me following you!
Sheri and Lavande, thank you for the links
Mario and chillgirl - thanks for the welcomes
Ukblonde - I actually like the idea of keeping it simple - just saying that I don't want a drink. Remembering that I am an adult and make my own choices.
Re: my friend - that happened about a year ago, when I was first toying with the idea of giving up. I was really shocked at how she actively discouraged me from giving up, when I had told her how unhappy it was making me feel. But I don't think I was in any way ready then to stop. I do feel much stronger this time, but I have stopped before and gone back, so I don't want to count my chickens...

[Guest]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Yeah. If a friend visits your house and you offer chocolate cake, if she says she doesn't fancy it you wouldnt' come over all heavy.

One other thing is some people don't like non-drinkers because it exposes, or makes them uncomfortable about their own drinking. Remembering that can help you a lot when/if in such company.

[neart]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

That occurred to me alright - probably because I remember drinking and not liking someone being totally sober because that meant they would remember all the rubbish I was saying! It just frustrates me how pushy people can be, and it upsets me when it's someone close to me - people who I thought were much more than drinking buddies. I guess my true friendships will become clearer over time...
I just read back over all the advice there and it has occurred to me that I am possibly trying to pretend to myself that I am still drinking, by drinking AL-free beer, tricking my brain into thinking nothings changed. Maybe soda and lime is a better bet, and avoiding pubs etc. I'm 30, and I've never really developed hobbies outside the pub/drinking at home with people, so I'm starting from scratch!

[momof3]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Ditto what everyone else said about avoiding situations where alcohol is the main event for awhile.

Also, you will learn that your concern about what to say about not drinking is a nonissue. Most people don't really care and their not looking for explanations. Usually a "no thanks" works just fine. If not, here's a few other things I've said:

I'm watching my health.
I'm not drinking anymore.
Alcohol no longer agrees with me.

I stay away from AF beer and wine. If I am out and in a celebratory mood or hosting a get together at home, I will mix seltzer water or club soda with juice or lemonade and put it in a wine goblet with ice.

M3

[Time to change]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Hi Neart,

I told all my friends and family about my AL problems about a month ago and its the best thing I ever did. I've had great support from all of them, some of my friends have quit drinking in support even though they don't have any AL issues themselves.
I know I'm very lucky to have that support network and that not everyone feels able to tell those closest to them but the moment I did I felt the massive pressure lift and I felt able to concentrate on myself rather than what people were thinking about me.
I spent a lot of time drinking with my friends but now we do other things and I don't feel left out or left behind which was one of my major fears. Most of my drinking really wasn't that social anyway, it was more about drinking alone in my room where I could hide it.
I'm also 30...I think this was a big trigger for me to change this year. Think of it as exciting Neart, all the new possibilites starting from scratch can bring.
I'm still a newbie to all this and I'm back to day one again after a silly slip yesterday but I know what I need to do and I'm determined to make it happen. Change is scary, but its also exciting!

xx

[neart]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Thanks momof3 - i will take that on board about AF beer. It's so great to hear from other people. Time to change - I think you are right about many things there - turning 30 was also a trigger for me last year - I put in motion a lot of changes that have led me to this point (including breaking up with a big drinker after 5 years). I have always been more of a binge drinker than an everyday drinker, but that binging got me in lots of trouble, and I was heading down a bad road. Because I wasn't drinking every day, a lot of people in my life wouldn't see me as having a "drink problem". And, to be honest, I don't have the guts to tell people. I know in my heart that the reason i haven't told my family that I am giving up because its a problem is partly because I haven't TOTALLY accepted that this is forever - that concept is taking a bit of time. If/when i tell them, i know there's no going back from that.
How are you doing today? It takes many goes, I think, to stay AF. I've been thinking about it for years! This is my longest stretch in a long, long time - 3 weekends sober was unheard of for over a decade... You are right tho, it is exciting!

[spuddleduck]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

i have to confess i have been guilt of trying to get people to drink more when i was drinking. and yes it was because i was uncomfortable with me getting drunk and talking crap. im lucky in that everyone has been totally accepting and pleased that im not drinking, i was obviously a complete arse. i would rather have a lime and soda or something similar as i really never liked the taste of alcohol, i just wanted the buzz.

[Guest]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

spuddleduck;924275 wrote: i have to confess i have been guilt of trying to get people to drink more when i was drinking. and yes it was because i was uncomfortable with me getting drunk and talking crap. im lucky in that everyone has been totally accepting and pleased that im not drinking, i was obviously a complete arse. i would rather have a lime and soda or something similar as i really never liked the taste of alcohol, i just wanted the buzz.

You have made me laugh for the first time today. I don't think any of us realise how much of a pain we really were, until we stop and look back. I can also remember sneaking extra shots into friends' drinks, filling up their glasses so I could drink quicker or so they would not notice how drunk I was.

AS IF!!!!

[Guitarista]

How do you deal with offers of alcohol?

Ukblonde;924282 wrote: You have made me laugh for the first time today. I don't think any of us realise how much of a pain we really were, until we stop and look back. I can also remember sneaking extra shots into friends' drinks, filling up their glasses so I could drink quicker or so they would not notice how drunk I was.

AS IF!!!!

You devious, devious woman! :H