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    #1

    Not Feeling Strong

    As some of you know I seemed to have hit a wall the other day, thinking it would be "ok" to have a few beers, I mean why not? I've made it over 4 months AF and my daughter is at her dad's...nobody has to know right? Wrong. I'm thankful I made it through, but I've lost the thrill of sobriety. I want to get it back. I'm not sure how to go about doing this. Any advice? (Dumb question, of course you'll have wonderful advice, as usual! )
    Thanks :h
    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Not Feeling Strong

    Oh K9 - you beat me to it. I was THIS close last night!!!! I keep thinking about it - and thinking about it. Just to have that one.......and like you thought - no-one has to know - right? I feel for you - and am sorry that you did cave. However, it is so tempting especially when you have come so far - I am 7 months out now. I have no words of wisdom for you. I just feel your pain. hugs to you.

    Sunshinedaisies x
    How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

    Comment

      #3
      Not Feeling Strong

      K9,

      I wrote this a while back, hope it helps xx




      It seems to be a commen theme this week on the boards about feeling let down or unfulfilled by your new AF life...I posted this on another thread but am putting in here too, just to let you all know that you are not alone and this feeling is very normal and happens to us all.



      When I ditched the booze....

      My life would change....

      I would become happier, more confident, everything would slot into place, my troubles would be over, I would be on easy street, Nothing would worry me or upset me, life would be a piece of cake, my brain would work differently, I would be happy all the time, I would no longer have depression or sad thoughts, I would have a wonderful life, people would applaud me, fanfares would sound and angels would sing..

      NOTHING prepared me for the brutal reality that this wasn't the case.
      I felt cheated and disappointed and somewhat angry that I had put in all the work to kick booze and I didn't feel any different, my life was NOT any better, and yes I wondered why I even bothered...what was the bloody point..you were meant to feel better..right?? It was meant to get better? Life was meant to change.....

      It didn't except for...

      My clear head in the mornings and the feel of clarity on waking...

      No hangovers, headaches and sick tummy..

      No flashbacks of things said and done and no cringe factor upon remembering.

      The bedtime stories now told lovingly to my children instead of the excuses as to why I couldnt read them as I had to go and relax with first drink of the evening.

      The money I have saved by not buying alcohol and smokes.

      The compliments I have received telling me how well I look.

      The feeling of freedom knowing that alcohol has no hold over me, I have broken free of its power and I am living independant of it.

      The problems that are there are now being dealt with and not swept under the carpet in a drunken haze.

      The little pieces of me that emerge day to day...new pieces of my personality that have been stifled by alcohol.

      The feeling of LIVING and not just drifting along from day to day doing the same old thing and expecting different results.

      The feeling of acomplishment, and getting to like myself again ( I am not at the loving myself bit yet but still working on it, we are all a work in progress)

      The knowledge that, although I felt like a fish out of water the first few times I went out socially, it is slowly but surely getting much better and easier to handle and when I look around and see some of the antics going on , I feel blessed that I have made the decision not to be the ringleader any more.

      The chance to FEEL........I mean really feel...all my emotions...without the crippling distorted illusion of alcohol..I can identify my feelings and deal with them accordingly.

      And finally the realisation that my problems are still there, money worries still present, sadness, fear and confusion are with me on a regular basis...BUT I can deal with them now...feel them, understand them and know why I am feeling this way..instead of burying them or intensifying them with the help of alcohol.

      In conclusion....life is not all sweetness and light, not the perfect world I did expect it to be..but it is a Utopia in comparison to the one I was existing in and for that I will be eternally grateful.

      Oney x
      "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

      AF 10th May 2010
      NF 12th May 2010

      Comment

        #4
        Not Feeling Strong

        i dont know what to say......sorry
        I love my family more than alcohol.:h
        Live in the Solution....not the problem

        Comment

          #5
          Not Feeling Strong

          great post oney
          I love my family more than alcohol.:h
          Live in the Solution....not the problem

          Comment

            #6
            Not Feeling Strong

            Hi K9 I think it helps to remember how it felt for you four months ago. I know from experience it doesnt take a whole lot to get us back to heavy levels of drinking again very quickly, even after months of AF. This is a changing journey and we all have highs and lows along the way. There are times when our addictive brains question whether we were really that bad and surely it would be ok to have a beer or two. I think deep down you know the answer to that question.
            Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

            Comment

              #7
              Not Feeling Strong

              K-9, so glad One posted that great article here. It's a keeper.
              Maybe it's time to evaluate where you are in your life, and where you want to be. WHY is AL so important? What has it ever added? As with anything (a new car, new house, etc.) THRILL is fleeting. Chasing an emotion, a feeling, a 'high' - they're all the same. You've had time to experience reall life. It is what it is, but what we do, the decisions we make, determine what our tomorrow will be like. I wish I had a pat answer - I'd be a billionaire. But with everyone, we have to do things one day at a time. And it doesn't sound like your experience was pleasant.
              Hang in here, chat, ask for help, like you just did. You're still in the early stages, but becoming a way of life is wonderful. Good for you asking for all the help you can get, hon.
              sigpic
              Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
              awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

              Comment

                #8
                Not Feeling Strong

                Just to clarify - I did NOT cave in...just felt like it. Maybe the way I told my story seems like I gave in....
                :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Not Feeling Strong

                  I know you didn't cave...??
                  "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

                  AF 10th May 2010
                  NF 12th May 2010

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Not Feeling Strong

                    k9, how about a treat to relax you and cheer your mood? something you couldn't do with a hangover. a facial, a massage, treat yourself to some new clothes, jewellery or make up? a new challenge like a dance class or something. chin up sweetie, lets hope our cheery, strong, wise girl is back in one piece soon xx
                    The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Not Feeling Strong

                      no, k9 we all know you didnt go there honey xxx:l
                      The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Not Feeling Strong

                        Oney wow great post! I missed it 1st time round.

                        K9 - I can really relate as I was on a total high for the 1st couple of months and also had a dip around 4 months AF. I just kept telling myself I couldnt go back there and reminded myself constantly why I stopped in the 1st place - misery, depression, anxiety, blackouts, drunken injuries and a zillion days lost on hangovers. The doubts passed after a week or so and I can honestly say that the high is now back for me, not as it was in the beginning but in the enormous gratitiude I have for all the things on Oney's list.
                        "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
                        AF - JAN 1st 2010
                        NF - May 1996

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Not Feeling Strong

                          Hi K9, I was reading another post earlier, so am quoting someone else (can't remember who) when I say this, but remember - there is a difference between a lapse in jdgement and a relapse. Sounds like you had a moment where you just went f%*^ it and there you go... But that happens - it's life and none of us are perfect.
                          There is a quote that says "nothing would be done at all if a man waited till he could do it so well that no one could find fault with it".
                          Was it partly that you felt so well after being AF for a few months that made you think "everything's okay"? I know that's one of my danger zones - i forget how bad it makes me feel.
                          Are there any books or something that helped you before when you were stopping, that you could go back to now for a boost, to help get you back on track? The main thing as I'd see it is to let go of yesterday, what's done is done. Just do what you can now, in this moment :l
                          AF since 13th July 2010
                          NF since 5th July 2010

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Not Feeling Strong

                            Sorry, hon, I DID get that impression. Even more impressed with you that you didn't. :hug:
                            sigpic
                            Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                            awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Not Feeling Strong

                              This really helps me remember why I'm doing this. Just in case I forget:
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ing-22609.html

                              GOOD for you for hanging tough. To paraphrase a line from Chariots of Fire that kept popping into my head this weekend while surrounded by drinking friends, "Regrets? Yes. No doubts, though."
                              AF since July 15, 2010. :applouse:
                              "People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim." —Ann Landers

                              Comment

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