Success or Failure

[Popeye]

Something that someone's going through on another thread got me thinking..

I've often wondered if I were to take a drink and managed to do so responsibly and not have the urge to keep on drinking, would I be happy about it, or would I feel that I had failed?
A hypothetical question, as I know I would eventually end up as I always do and I'm definitely not going down that route, but isn't it all about being in control of your life?
If, for whatever reason I decided that I could enjoy a glass of wine, or join in with a few beers with my friends (if I had any) at a BBQ, yet managed to maintain control, would I consider myself a failure?
A lot of us put so much emotional effort into staying alcohol free that whenever the time comes, be it a 'f**k it' moment or something more controlled, there is so much guilt and self loathing that it seems to erase all the previous good self-will in one swoop, despite the fact that we may have turned our lives around completely.
Just to emphasize as a recovering alcoholic I'm not suggesting we give it a try. I'm just putting these thoughts up for discussion.

[mario]

Success or Failure

For me personally i dont think i will ever be able to just have that one drink,not that i ever could, even if its a glass of wine and i would feel very disappointed in myself & guilty, so yes i would consider myself a failure,That's me at the moment.

[one2many]

Success or Failure

Hey Pops,

I have done it. After a year and a half of sobriety, I decided that I wanted to try modding. The very first sip was not what I expected I have to admit...it was kinda horrible to be honest.Almost like taking something that does not belong to you. I felt sneaky and deceitful and like a failure.

Funny thing is, I did not have a "fuck it" moment, I had planned it, told people what i was going to do and I did it....it just did not feel right and I was sorry that I had done it as soon as the alcohol hit my tongue.

Yet I carried on...my modding went very well to be truthful, 2 glasses on a Fri and a Sat..no more no less. Every week. I can say I never really enjoyed it, I mean whats the point in having one or two, I never really liked the taste of drink and it irritated me that I was back in the habit of buying a bottle, albeit it was lasting me all weekend with some left over.

I decided that I wanted to go back to the AF life, it was the life I loved and the life I needed for my self confidence and for my pride. I was very very lucky that my modding did not take a turn back into my daily habit again....I was blessed because it would have been so much harder to stop then.

But stop I did and went back to the AF life that I love. I know in my heart that altho I did not have a horror story about how I sank into a nightmare of binging, I did not like the fact that I was a drinker no matter how little I drank.

So now, I am enjoying the fact that I am a non drinker, I will be a non drinker for life.I am glad however that I know what it is like to feel those feelings having had a drink because they drag me down and I realise that I am such a happier person inside and out being a T -totaler!

So in answer to your question Pops, yes if I had a drink now I would feel a failure because I want this life so badly, I am enjoying this life and I am learning about myself every day. I don't want to mess with it ever ever again, it is too valuable and important. Failing is not an option for me, not now, not ever.
I danced with the devil and could have fallen so badly and I will never take that chance again.
My life is far too precious.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Success or Failure

Well as someone who came here with the intention of moderating my intake, as I suspect most of us do, I found out that it wasnt possible. So I suppose yes the question is hypothetical in my case. Would I feel guilty if I could have the odd one or two?, categorically no I wouldnt. I was in a bad place with the drink and if I could drink 'normally' whatever that is then I wouldnt have any reason to feel guilty, for it wouldnt be something that causes any problem in my life, just as eating or exercise or any of the other hundreds of things I do without excess.

[Guest]

Success or Failure

I wouldn't feel guilty about having one or two myself, I would however be very sad that I could be opening the doors to potential disaster and returning to my old way of life.

I would however feel guilty in the sense that I know it would start, yet again the worry and fears about me for my friends and family. They have been so proud of me and it must be such a relief for them that I am AF. For me to be drinking again would understandably put a lot of doubt into their minds.

I'm staying AF whatever.

[paguy]

Success or Failure

I have to admit that YES, I would consider myself a failure and beat myself up terribly which would just lead me to a downward spiral. I know in my heart (because I have tried it before), moderating is not a choice for me. I have to stay committed to being 100% AF.

[greeneyes]

Success or Failure

Popeye, I think we as a group tend towards guilt. True, maybe because of all the emotional effort expended; but also our self esteem is often erm.. challenged? If we are not perfect, then we are awful - that kind of thinking. The consumption of alcohol, be it a drink or two planned or not, is so emotionally charged for all kinds of reasons it's hard to imagine that it could EVER be just a normal old drink. Because of the risk, maybe the built in guilt sort of protects us. Balance would be nice. I don't see myself ever having that with alcohol though. Very interesting topic, popeye.

(if you had friends.... silly!)

[one2many]

Success or Failure

GREAT post Sheri, I feel exactly the same way.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Success or Failure

Hmm I would pose the question, if we could have two drinks, say once every two weeks for discussion sake, and happily leave it at that without the addiction that comes with it, where is the guilt coming from? I dont get it. Is it because of what happened before that we should feel guilty? Again I dont get it. In regard to it being poison, harming our livers etc, well I dont think that would be a concern at those levels.
Before I am jumped on I am not condoning our trying to drink for it is my intention to never do so again. But to say a person should feel guilty because they can drink sensibly and within safe limits doesnt sit with me.

[mario]

Success or Failure

where I am today, I do not see any benefit to drinking whatsoever, not even one or two. I don't need it to feel like I belong in a social setting, it offers no nutritional value, it's a lot of wasted calories, my liver doesn't need another toxin to have to elminiate, I like being present in my life and don't want to live under the influence of a mind-altering substance to enjoy myself or relax. sheri

And that as well, thanks again sheri :-)

[greeneyes]

Success or Failure

KTAB;927843 wrote: But to say a person should feel guilty because they can drink sensibly and within safe limits doesnt sit with me.

Not sure where that was said, KT..... I thought we were wondering why we seem to feel that way, not whether we should or not.

[one2many]

Success or Failure

I would feel guilty BECAUSE I had a problem in the past.....normal drinkers who have a few at the weekends do not feel guilty because booze has never negatively affected their lives.

I do not see the point in having one or two, maybe that is my addicted brain talking but I honestly do not see the point and I see alcohol as a poison now and I defo do not want it in my body whether it is in small or tiny amounts.

All in all, alcohol has caused problems in my life and so why would I want to partake in it again, even if I could control it...what good does it do me, what am I gaining from it? A BIG FAT NOTHING.

[mario]

Success or Failure

Well a lot of my guilt comes from all the harm & destruction i caused to others and myself,i am doing so well in my life at present and dealing with a lot of things that i think i would feel guilty & even wrong to have a drink,and i know in my heart & soul were i to have the one where that would put me,I would let down others and especially myself

[patrice]

Success or Failure

I also think everyone has different thresholds, personalities and values as to what is important to them.For me it seems I can't drink probably ever but that is me. I have dear friends who can drink safely, within the limits, with food and for them it adds a certain enjoyment to their evening. They don't wake up with self loathing or feel bad because they are enjoying 'having a drink' at the end of the week. Me I don't feel that, I get drunk... but I am just as proud of my ' safe drinking' friends as I am of my sober self

[Popeye]

Success or Failure

KTAB;927843 wrote: Hmm I would pose the question, if we could have two drinks, say once every two weeks for discussion sake, and happily leave it at that without the addiction that comes with it, where is the guilt coming from? I dont get it. Is it because of what happened before that we should feel guilty? Again I dont get it. In regard to it being poison, harming our livers etc, well I dont think that would be a concern at those levels.
Before I am jumped on I am not condoning our trying to drink for it is my intention to never do so again. But to say a person should feel guilty because they can drink sensibly and within safe limits doesnt sit with me.

I think I tend towards this view, which is part of why I asked the question.
Lots of people come on feeling really bad about having a drink or two simply because of the AF days they have behind them and not because of any harm caused. Perhaps it's the fear of falling back into the old ways but if you're on top of it then you're on top of it. On the other hand is it another addictive drug that should be treated with the same disdain as any other?
I suppose it's all down to the individual. I just pains me to see so many people thinking they have failed when they are doing remarkably well in comparison to the past.
Myself...I don't like drink, the loss of clarity or the culture it engenders and I'm glad to see the back of it.