Success or Failure

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Success or Failure

Sheri;927826 wrote: I do not see any benefit to drinking whatsoever, not even one or two. I don't need it to feel like I belong in a social setting, it offers no nutritional value, it's a lot of wasted calories, my liver doesn't need another toxin to have to elminiate, I like being present in my life and don't want to live under the influence of a mind-altering substance to enjoy myself or relax.
It may sound odd to some, and perhaps it's my Catholic upbringing, but I think we should feel a certain amount of guilt and shame when we do something that we shouldn't be doing that is potentially harmful to ourselves and others.
greeneyes;927847 wrote: Not sure where that was said, KT..... I thought we were wondering why we seem to feel that way, not whether we should or not.

I agree Greeny, I am speaking purely of whether we should feeling guilty for being able to have a couple of drinks, were we able to do so. I am saying, if we were able, what would have to feel guilty about? It is all hypothetical in my case anyway.
Maybe I read the above post wrong, but I am thinking of people I know who can have two glasses of wine with a dinner and not have a drink again for the rest of the month or longer. Also anyone that comes here and does manage to moderate their intake to a 'safe' level may feel like this thread is a chastisment of their choice.

[one2many]

Success or Failure

I think there are people who do it, come back say they had had a "slip" and get back on board, they see it as being a hell of a lot better than where they were. They just carry on wothout feeling any guilt at all.

Then there are the people who are SO UPSET because they have worked so hard to maintain their sobriety and they feel like the beast has won and they failed because they gave in, therefore feeling guilt because they were not strong enough to say no. The AF days racked up pale into insignificance because after all that time, the monkey is still on their back and can strike at any time.

Some do have more to lose than others and that is a big factor too.

I really agree that it is an individual thing.

[greeneyes]

Success or Failure

I see, KT...and very true.

[one2many]

Success or Failure

KTAB;927860 wrote: I agree Greeny, I am speaking purely of whether we should feeling guilty for being able to have a couple of drinks, were we able to do so. I am saying, if we were able, what would have to feel guilty about? It is all hypothetical in my case anyway.
Maybe I read the above post wrong, but I am thinking of people I know who can have two glasses of wine with a dinner and not have a drink again for the rest of the month or longer. Also anyone that comes here and does manage to moderate their intake to a 'safe' level may feel like this thread is a chastisment of their choice.

Maybe those people you know who can drink like that do not have a drink problem Ktab, we on the other hand do.

I think successful moderation is few and far between with some of the mods members saying it takes far more work than being AF.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Success or Failure

Edit: On foot of Pops post, I assume you are speaking of members who take one drink after some time AF and then go back to never intending to drink again. And the guilt and pain that one drink causes them. I agree they should look at the work that has been done, the good intention for the future and how much their lives have changed since they went AF. Instead of which there is a lot of brow beating and guily associated with this when it happens. So in that respect I totally agree with you Pops. This is totally different to the people who constantly fall off of the wagon in many ways.

[Popeye]

Success or Failure

KTAB;927860 wrote: Also anyone that comes here and does manage to moderate their intake to a 'safe' level may feel like this thread is a chastisment of their choice.

I don't wish this thread to be seen as chastisement to anyone. I'm in no position to judge. I have nothing but admiration for anyone who has gained control of their drinking either by abstinence or moderation and equally as much for those who are working their way towards their goal. I was just curious as to other peoples thoughts on the matter.

[one2many]

Success or Failure

Popeye;927873 wrote: I don't wish this thread to be seen as chastisement to anyone. I'm in no position to judge. I have nothing but admiration for anyone who has gained control of their drinking either by abstinence or moderation and equally as much for those who are working their way towards their goal. I was just curious as to other peoples thoughts on the matter.

I don't think any of the modders would see it like that Pops. This is all just individual opinion. The mods here would be the very first people to tell us how difficult modding actually is.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Success or Failure

one2many;927863 wrote: I think there are people who do it, come back say they had had a "slip" and get back on board, they see it as being a hell of a lot better than where they were. They just carry on wothout feeling any guilt at all.

Then there are the people who are SO UPSET because they have worked so hard to maintain their sobriety and they feel like the beast has won and they failed because they gave in, therefore feeling guilt because they were not strong enough to say no. The AF days racked up pale into insignificance because after all that time, the monkey is still on their back and can strike at any time.

Some do have more to lose than others and that is a big factor too.

I really agree that it is an individual thing.
Totally right, Oney I understand the upset but beating ourselves up over it is counter productive. Learn from the mistake and pick up where the person left off. Counting days etc can be a bad thing sometimes too because it can highlight the slip as well as the AF time.

one2many;927867 wrote: Maybe those people you know who can drink like that do not have a drink problem Ktab, we on the other hand do.

I think successful moderation is few and far between with some of the mods members saying it takes far more work than being AF.

Again I agree, hence my point, why should they feel guilty if they can moderate? It is impossible for the vast majority imo but not everyone. It very much depends on the person.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Success or Failure

Popeye;927873 wrote: I don't wish this thread to be seen as chastisement to anyone. I'm in no position to judge. I have nothing but admiration for anyone who has gained control of their drinking either by abstinence or moderation and equally as much for those who are working their way towards their goal. I was just curious as to other peoples thoughts on the matter.

No I know that and that isnt what I meant.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Success or Failure

I think I will climb down off of my high horse now before I do any more damage, sorry if I caused any offense to anyone.

[one2many]

Success or Failure

KTAB;927875 wrote: Totally right, Oney I understand the upset but beating ourselves up over it is counter productive. Learn from the mistake and pick up where the person left off. Counting days etc can be a bad thing sometimes too because it can highlight the slip as well as the AF time.





Again I agree, hence my point, why should they feel guilty if they can moderate? It is impossible for the vast majority imo but not everyone. It very much depends on the person.

I know it is counter productive but it does not stop it happening, when you work SO HARD at something and give it your all and fall, it is hard to take and no matter how many times somebody says brush yerself off, that feeling if failure is still there and you are kicking yourself for having given in.. Counting days can work for some and not so well for others, I NEEDED to count because it gave me resolve when I saw them racking up and I aint trading them in for anything...just my own personal choice


I was talking about people who were trying to be AF feeling guilty because they had a drink, hence the upset and shame when they come back here and say that they had a "slip" and are beating themselves up about it.
Mods would be upset that they went overboard on their drinking but not because they had a drink.

[Popeye]

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I've seen a few threads where others have felt slighted by us 'holier than thou' abstainers.
Just making my position clear.

[one2many]

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Popeye;927885 wrote: I've seen a few threads where others have felt slighted by us 'holier than thou' abstainers.
Just making my position clear.

There is nothing holier than thou about this thread Pops, just a healthy discussion thats all.:l

[Popeye]

Success or Failure

KTAB;927880 wrote: I think I will climb down off of my high horse now before I do any more damage, sorry if I caused any offense to anyone.

No offense taken my friend.
You're talking a lot of sense as is everyone else.

[PhoenixRising]

Success or Failure

If I could have a glass of wine on Fri and Sat, or even a glass of wine with dinner every night I would chalk that up as a success. That's how normal people drink, after all, right?

However, I know what a disgusting pig I am where AL is concerned. One drink? Why bother? I am in this for the buzz, not the taste or the cardiac benefits. I know me. So, I think I am better not going down that road, because, for me, it would quickly become a slippery slope. Has once already a couple of years ago.