Im a bit nervous about posting this, nervous about whether its in the right spot, and just nervous in general. I have been sticking close by the threads, reading everyday and night this week. I have been here for quite some time, but reading and posting more in recent months.
For the first time in a very long time I have managed to stay AL free for seven whole days and nights. This follows a particular alcohol fueled night of which I carry much anxiety and shame about.
I finally feel a bit better mentally after beating myself up all week with self loathing from my last escapade with booze. It makes such a huge difference being AL free, for my children and for myself. I had forgotten what it feels like!
The massive challenge for me, today, is to get through this day, and this night, as I have friends coming over tonight (planned weeks ago) and something I am unable to get out of.
Social situations make me very nervous, hence a very big risk factor to pick up a drink. I cant cancel, I just have to use every ounce of will power I have. I know I will never be able to moderate my drinking, this addiction I find myself in is far to advanced for that. AF is the only way forward for me.
I can not drink, one is to many and ten is not enough.
I say that now, but will I have the strength and conviction later?!
Thanks for listening.
Regards Indi
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