Back Again!!

[grangelady]

I haven't been on the forum since 26 May 2010 and it shows I've been drinking heavily again for some weeks, every night a bottle of wine and now on to a 2nd bottle most nights.

My health is suffering as a result, I wake in th mornings not so much hungover but feeling low and miserable. Hating myself for being out of control and behaving as I do when I'm drunk, eating crap, having stupid slurred conversations.

I've woken this morning scared of the damage I'm doing to myself and most importantly my liver, I'm worried I've done so much damage. I can't go to my GP for help as I'm so ashamed to admit to anyone (apart from forum members xx) that I have a drink problem.

My ankles and feet are swollen which I'm convinced is a result of toxin build-up, I'm taking furosemide tablets each night to reduce them (not mine prescribed to my friend, so probably taking a risk there too!!).

I don't know why I drink to excess either, I'm in a very happy marriage, have a good job, I'm overweight which gets me down a little but all in all life is good apart from excessive drinking!

So I'm back to the comfort, help and support of the forum, I've vowed to get myself sorted, I'm going to give up wine and start to help my body/liver recover from the damage I've been doing.... after all we only get one body and one life and I'm going to start to take care of mine and love it warts and all.

Sorry for the rambling but it's good to get it out in the open and you don't have to read it just humour me:H.... thanks in advance for the support I know I'll get from the forum.

Today is the start of a difficult journey but I'll get there:goodjob:

[JackieClaire]

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:welcome: back grangelady,
Sounds like a condition you've got there that should really be treated by a doctor. Taking tablets prescribed to a friend is never a good idea.
The day I opened up to my doctor was probably the best day of my life. He was more concerned about treating me than giving me lectures. So here I am over 13 months AF with his help, my families help and the never ending support of this forum.
J x
:l

[one2many]

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Welcome Back GL, you are among friends, back on the saddle, you know the drill x

[Panno]

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Welcome back Grangelady, with the help of this site and determination you can do it but please consider going to your GP its definately a no no taking other peoples meds, good luck on your journey :l

[grangelady]

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Thanks Guys

Thanks for your words of encouragement guys, this site really is the place to be when trying to fight off the demons!
JackieClaire I know I need to be brave and admit my problem but I really am hoping I can sort myself out taking one day at a time, regularly visiting this site and taking the supplements that are gathering dust in the cupboard, yes I bought the lot last time I decided to sort myself out, just fell back into the old habits and sort of gave up!
But today is a new day, my hubby's working away this week so hopefully I'll be able to concentrate on making a new start. No wine open in the fridge, 2 bottles of red on the kitchen work top that I WILL NOT open!
Will keep you all posted on how I get on this week luv to you all xx

[Guest]

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It sounds as if you are suffering from water retention. AL is a diuretic so when you drink it regularly your body gets dehydrated, then clings on to any water it can to prevent further dehydration. Puffiness can be a sign of kidney damage too but it's probably the water retention. This clears in about 5-10 days AF, using the tablets will at best cover it up and at worse make it worse.

Why you drink?I only discovered this when I stopped drinking and was able to see what came up for me without the AL blanket.

Regards the 2 bottles of wine. I'd remove them asap, I still won't have AL in the house - not because I'm in danger but because I'd rather not have it around me.

I'm in a straight to the point mood as you can tell, but you are in the right place so keep reading and keep posting.

[grangelady]

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Thanks UKBlonde, I know the swollen feet/ankles is likely to be as a result of the AL and toxin build up.... and I'm sorry to say you were right....the red wine didn't survive last night - went on to open the second and even as I was doing I was annoyed with myself but carried on anyway.

Got up this morning full of remorse and emptied the 3/4 of a bottle down the drain. I have no AL in the house now so today is another day and another attempt.

I really don't know why I drink, it's not as if I do it to block anything out. I just associate it with nice times, I love cooking and associate a glass of wine with cooking and eating, wine with friends etc... all good stuff, if ever I'm unhappy I don't want to drink, I'm not one to drown my sorrows in drink. I don't want to never be able to have a drink again I just wish I didn't drink to excess.

Sorry to go on I know in the scheme of things my drink issues are pathetic and on a scale of 1 compared with what others on the forum face on a daily basis, so thank you for taking time to listen and offer advice, god bless :l xxx

[patrice]

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Hiya Grange
Great for getting rid of that 2nd bottle. I also know that it is easier if you don't have anything in the house!!!
Take care and keep going
Patrice

[Zeppie2]

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Welcome Back Grangelady

[grangelady]

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Quick Update and its all GOOD news!

Morning All,
Just thought I'd let you know I've been to my GP re: swelling in feet and ankles, he's given me some pills to help. Having checked my records he commented on how many units I drink each week, I admitted to over 40 units (of late more like 60 if I'm completely honest).
I said I know it's high but in my opinion it's no more than most of the people I know, it's just I was honest on my medical report.... He said it's too high and you need to address it. Then he checked my BP it was way too high and now he wants to monitor it every 2 weeks for a couple of months to see if I need medication.
I have to say this was a wake up call for me I'm mid-40s and really don't want to start taking meds for BP and water retention. So I came home and searched the web for self help in reducing BP.
I discovered an amazing little book the Liver Cleansing Diet/Plan written by Dr Sandra Cabot and it's great. Starts off telling the reader about the functions of the liver/gall bladder and then goes on to state causes and conseqences of a sluggish/impaired liver. Yes we all know one of the major causes:upset:
I've already said I was concerned about what the excesses of AL were doing to my body and this book in part reaffirms my concerns, my poor liver doesn't stand a chance if I carry on the way I am.
So here's the good news bit..... Weds 11th Aug 2010 I climbed back into the MWO saddle, got out my Kudzu, Milk Thistle, and L-Glut and have been taking it religiously - starting my 3rd day AF and eating a healthy diet and I feel great. My ankles on waking this morning and yesterday had returned to normal - only taken 1 of the pills the GP gave me so far, so can't be all down to meds.
Embarking on cleansing and repairing my impaired liver function. The last 2 mornings I've woken feeling positive and happy, a long way off how I normally feel, having consumed more AL than I know I should have.
So guys wish me luck and pray that I can keep these wonderful positive vibes going for a while to come. I know if I can get over the next 4 weeks I'll be back to where I want to be, in terms of drinking.
Thanks for all your support I'll be back to the forum regularly to keep me on track:l

[Guest]

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grangelady;933285 wrote: Morning All,
Just thought I'd let you know I've been to my GP re: swelling in feet and ankles, he's given me some pills to help. Having checked my records he commented on how many units I drink each week, I admitted to over 40 units (of late more like 60 if I'm completely honest).
I said I know it's high but in my opinion it's no more than most of the people I know, it's just I was honest on my medical report.... He said it's too high and you need to address it. :l

Grangelady I did exactly the same as you did at the DRs, and used the same excuses. That was in 2003 and it fed my complete denial. I was in a crowd of party people and they all drank the same 60 units didn't they?Well they might have but a lot went on to stop the excesses, others went on to have addiction issues and the rest really didn't drink that much.

Only reason I'm telling you this is because what you typed above contributed to 7 years of denial. I thought I was being honest with the Dr and I wasn't.

Anyway well don't on getting with MWO. Most of the medical issues you describe can definitely be eased if not remedied by not drinking, which is a lot better than taking a bunch of pills. Keep up the good work.

[mollyka]

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Well done Grange Lady goin to the doc. I opened up to my Doc last Jan in a flood of tears - had been drinking up to 3 hours before I went to him (NOT PROUD) and told him I drank too much. I could sense him gearing himself up to ACTUALLY discover how much I drank so when he asked I blurted out ' a bottle of vodka every day and most days a bottle of wine' - he sort of went silent:H:H but we developed a really good relationship cos he knew I was being straight from the very beginning!
Molly

[paguy]

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Grangelady:

You have made great progress! The tone of your last message shouts OPTIMISM and CONFIDENCE and will help feed your motivation to continue forward. I am just 31 days into my AF journey and I find focusing on all of the positive benefits and noticeable improvements (lower blood pressure, reduced swelling in my legs, restful nights of sleep, waking up in the morning with no regrets about the prior evening), keep me inspired to continue on this path.

Sincere best wishes for your continued success!

[grangelady]

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Got through first Friday Night AF

Just wanted to let you all know that I got through my 1st Friday without AL:goodjob:

A 'Normal' Friday Evening would be:

Home from work straight to fridge pour a glass of wine and start to prepare dinner, catch up with hubby over another glass of wine while dinner cooks, eat dinner, more wine, relax in front of TV, more wine, get munchies so raid cupboard for nibbles/snacks, Ummmm empty glass so more wine, oops empty bottle open another only half way through watching the movie and I can sit there without a glass of wine now can I?..... Woken by hubby time for bed - missed the end of the film, bit wobbly but hey I'm not drunk, off to bed then....

......... next morning angry with myself drank too much again, ate crap, feeling fed up and miserable...won't drink tonight.... but we all know different.

What REALLY happened last night was...

Got home, took supplements, thought should I have a glass of wine tonight, after all my long term is modding, maybe later, anyway, had a catchup with hubby while he had a beer I made a cup of tea, maybe I will have a glass of wine tonight, but 1st logged onto the MWO forum, read a few threads, found I had PM in my inbox from Stressed, really nice mail replied and wished her well, made me consider the wine thing tonight and decided against it - hubby ordered an Indian Takeaway - I declined and made a healthy dinner for myself, he drank his beers I made a cup of tea, watched TV had a 'normal' phone call with my brother - as opposed to me being a little tipsy and invariably not recalling the conversation the next day Had an early night, slept through, normally Iwake 3-4 times to take a drink of water - dehydrated...

Woke this morning 6.30 feeling great, happy, full of life and really pleased with myself and best of all I remember everything about last night, what I watched on TV, the call with my brother (without the shame of thinking my bro knew I was drunk again last night)...

So right now life really is better without wine:H I'm hoping that I'll get through the 1st Saturday night in the same way :l

[not tonight]

Back Again!!

Grangelady,

Happy Saturday! Great to wake up feeling fresh and clear headed. Glad to hear such a positive tone I your post, and that the swelling in your ankles has gone down. My father (very big drinker) has high blood pressure and swollen ankles and calves as a result. It has gotten progressively worse, it causes him pain and he has had to give up golfing and other activities as a result. He wont give up drinking so no amount of blood pressure medicine can make a difference. When I broach the subject of him at least cutting down his AL consumption he just gets ugly with me. This is no way to grow old.

Keep up the good work, one day at a time, sobriety is everything.