Immeasurably sad

[Kimberley]

Hi all,

I just did 25 days sober and effed it up yesterday because no matter what I did I couldn't shake a feeling of sadness off me so I drank to blank it out. I am going to counselling and hopefully this guy will teach me some coping methords - he is supposed to be a DBT expert - but he's on hols for 3 weeks.

What do you guys do when you're immeasurably sad and can't lift that feeling? I usually go for long walks, but it was rainy yesterday and I had a blister (must be from ALL the long walks ) Any tips guys? I'm a bit p'd off at myself but will live if I learn at the same time. I know I will get some great advice here.

Thanks,
Kx

[grangelady]

Immeasurably sad

Keep at it babe

Hi Kimberley

I'm sorry you've been so upset, but don't let one slip up set you back. You've done a wonderful job so far 25 days is a real accomplishment. Try to think of it as a blip and not a total disaster, because that's all it is.... today is another day.
Are you taking any supplements to help you in becoming AF? If so carry on with them, if not then consider taking Kudzu and L-Glut and Milk Thistle, you can read about them on this forum, I personally find they do take the edge of cravings.
As for ways of dealing with the over-riding sad days, walks are good even when it's raining, in a downpour put on a coat get a 'brolly' and still go walking in the rain can be wonderful it makes everything look greener and alive.
Have a soothing bubble bath and listen to some relaxing music or read a good book Do you have someone you can call or visit when you're sad? If not then log on here to the forum there's always someone here to chat to and you'll find all the love and support you need here and it's open 24/7 and no counselling fees:H
I know these things are all simple ideas but they work for me and it's better than reaching for a drink. Good luck today and I hope you're feeling happier this morning :l

[JackieClaire]

Immeasurably sad

Kimberley, darling, I won't do the don't beat your self up routine because believe me I know how awful you feel.
So what can we do to get you out of this downer. I could use some tips myself because it's raining buckets and no chance of taking Black Bess on the field to blow the cobwebs away.
I'll probably use my old stand by of cooking, some mindless TV and a nice trashy novel.
Any ideas you can add.
J x
:l

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Immeasurably sad

Hi Kimb, any idea where those feelings of such sadness came from? Understanding why we are feeling this way is the first step to learning to deal with them in a different way than we used to. Personally I drank when I was sad, I drank when I was happy, always an excuse and never had to look too far.
It might actually be a case though that you are finally starting to face things that need to be faced before you can move on, this is a good thing and to be encouraged, for it is all part of the journey. I know that doesnt answer your 'what to do to lift the feeling' question, but there may be a better answer than trying to take your mind off of it.

[Guest]

Immeasurably sad

Whenever I get like this-and I do quite a bit, I try to remember how far I have come, how hopeless I was before I stopped drinking and how it's a miracle I've gotten here. Also good to be grateful for the things we do have, as there are so many who don't have anything.

Oh and always remember AL is a depressant. It will never make you feel less sad, only more so.

[one2many]

Immeasurably sad

Hey Kimbo,



I am so sorry you are feeling wank and I also know how much you want this. I hope this helps hon xxxxx




At times, everyone gets the blues or feels mild depression without recognizing a specific reason for it. It can hit without warning, but we don't have to stay there for long. In fact, it's healthier for us to move as quickly as we can to a more positive mood.



Top Ten Ways to Cheer Up



Consider this list of the top ten ways to cheer up. The next time you feel blue try one or more of these to see what works for you. Then keep these cheering up tools handy for future use.



10. Breathe



Breathing is normally a subconscious function, but conscious breathing can help reduce stress and tension. Focusing on your breathing keeps your attention on the present moment and is a common component of meditation, a proven stress reducer. Breathe deeply and slowly, noticing each breath you inhale and exhale.



9. Laugh



Laughter is the best medicine. Keep handy a book of jokes or a favorite comic strip cartoon. When you feel blue, immerse yourself in the humor and go for a stomach-aching full laugh. Deep laughter improves your immune system and helps you keep life's problems in perspective.
8. Return to Nature




Go for a walk in a park, sit by a fountain, or gaze at a poster of your favorite ocean or mountain scene. Reflecting on a beautiful natural scene can lift your spirits.



7. Gratitude



Make a brief list of three to five things in your life for which you are grateful. Reflect on each item and identify the positive way it impacts your life.



6. Give of Yourself



Providing an uplifting message or thought to someone else also uplifts you. Call an elderly relative or friend. Offer a few minutes of your time to baby-sit or walk the dog for a busy neighbor. Helping another moves your focus and will improve your spirits.



5. Exercise



A brisk walk or any other form of physical exercise will improve your mood. Weed the garden or clean the house. The physical activity will help lift your mood.



4. Daydream


le="text-align:left;">Recall a great vacation or a wonderful family reunion. Reflect on a card or letter someone sent you that was touching and showed they cared for you.


3. Use a Strength



We all have unique strengths, capabilities at which we are particularly talented. Use one or more of your strengths in some activity. If you don't know your strengths, take the VIA questionnaire.



2. Tend Something You Care About



Tend to a garden, a favorite house plant, a pet, or your car. When we tend something we provide a loving, caring attention to it that is a form of giving. Tending is not a chore, it's a blessing.



1. Apologize



Guilt and regret can hang around us like a lead weight, bringing on mild depression without our awareness of the cause. Offer up a sincere apology for things you've done or said that offended or hurt another. You'll feel the relief of your burden of regret even if you aren't able to personally deliver the apology. Offering it up to the Universe is sufficient




Four Steps to Feeling Cheery



Use this four step cheering up process whenever you're feeling down and want to feel more cheerful.





You're feeling down. Thankfully, not due to a terrible tragedy, illness, or accident. You just find yourself feeling low, mildly depressed, a bit blue, and cheerless. Maybe you had a spiff with your spouse, unkind words from a co-worker, or your favorite team lost. Nothing earth shattering, but still enough to leave you feeling the blues.



Step up to Cheery





To kick the blues and move from feeling down to being cheery, try this four-step cheering up process.




1. Reflect on Your Intent



Strange as it may seem, sometimes we prefer to feel down. If something in life has brought you a sad feeling, sometimes it's best to remain in that state for a time. It's better, though, to consciously limit your time feeling blue, being careful to match the severity of the situation to the time you allow yourself to wallow a bit.



When you can honestly say that you're ready to move on to a more cheery feeling, go on to step 2.




2. Consciously Shift Your Thoughts






Think a different thought. Our lives unfold along the path of our thoughts. If our thoughts dwell on events, circumstances, or fears that are depressing, we'll feel depressed. It's not necessary to ignore unfortunate events, nor to pretend they didn't occur. But it is important to consciously shift our thoughts to something more cheerful when we're ready to cheer up.




3. Find a Better Feeling



Cheer up gradually by reaching for a better feeling. Our emotions are key indicators of the type of life we're presently creating. Feeling down, cheerless, or depressed is a sure signal that the life events unfolding in the near term will be very similar. If you want something different than you're now experiencing, you must change your current feelings.



A good way to reach a better feeling is to reflect on the positives of your life. Focusing your thoughts on even the most fundamental of positives, such as being alive, having enough to eat, and shelter from the elements is a good start. Most of us will be able to go well beyond those basics of life. Do you have someone to love? Has someone smiled at you today? Do you have enjoyable activities? You get the picture.



Recalling just three good things in your life is often enough to move your emotions up a notch or two. It's not necessary, nor even practical to expect to go from being blue to feeling joyous in one step. Just focus on moving up one notch as a good start.

4. Acknowledge Cheerful Feelings and Repeat Step 3

Notice if you're now feeling better, perhaps not as cheery as you'd like, but better. Stay there a bit and enjoy the change. Then decide to move up another notch. Repeat the process by recalling three more good things in your life. Think in terms of gratitude. What are you grateful for having in your life?

Stay with the feelings of gratitude. Savor the good fortune inherent in your gratitude. Notice that you are feeling even better than before. Keep repeating this process until it no longer seems necessary.






.

[tawnyfrog]

Immeasurably sad

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling sad.

It's proof that we're alive.

Embrace the whole gamut of human emotion.

[Chillgirl]

Immeasurably sad

Wow Oney Im going to have to print that one off - fantastic stuff!

Kim - Sad is exactly how I feel right now too and for someone who is usually a pain in the ass "Pollyanna" this has knocked me for six. :H

I did think about drinking yesterday too but thankfully I didnt. Im going to deal with this sadness the way I did with AL in the beginning and thats ODAT. Usually when Im sad I hide away from the world because I cant cope with people feeling sorry for me, I always try to come across as the tough cookie which im not and I suspect you are the same. When I couldnt stop crying yesterday a friend had text to say lets meet & I said no I was to upset. Thankfully she turned up on the doorstep and just talking it through with her for an hour made me feel better so Im going to try and learn from this not to isolate myself. If you have good friends Kim, use them right now and you know there is always support here 24/7.

Im going to try to use everything i've learned to deal with this. Im trying to accept that I "feel" sad and that "I" am not sad. The difference is to detached yourself a bit from the emotion so it doesnt consume you, observe that its how you are feeling but not who you are. (I know easier said that done!) Even in deep sadness something can always make you laugh and I intend to find them, thats why the humor on here is so important and fun threads every bit as supportive as the serious ones.

Kim, keep posting and maybe writing about what is making you so sad will help you move through it. Sending you much love :l

[paula]

Immeasurably sad

We all feel sad at times, don't let one slip cause another slip. I did that so often, just try and accept that it happened it was a mistake and put it behind you. I drank for years and most of my heavy drinking was due to slips that I could not forgive myself for. I have been sober now for some time, but sometimes wake feeling down for no obvious reason, but as time goes on I do feel better.

[Pride before Fall]

Immeasurably sad

You are finally starting to face things that need to be faced before you can move on, this is a good thing and to be encouraged. >>

I agree with KTAB. Drinking strikes at the branches of pain but not the roots. If we don't stare the whys of feelings in the face, even the bad ones, it's that much tougher to give up the self-harming methods we use to avoid them. And dang if they're not still there in the morning, only worse.

I'll also spare you the "don't beat yourself up" speech. Maybe you could make a list of alternatives to numbing your feelings the next time the blues roll in. Some of the suggestions in Oney's post were excellent.

Okay, one little "don't beat yourself up" note: It's only 1 day out of many sober days, and an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Twenty-five steps forward, 1 step back. Not bad!

Pride

[mollyka]

Immeasurably sad

Kimbo, you are one strong lady re. food anyway so I don't doubt you are the same with the booze, just dust yourself down. As regards feeling sad and blue, I don't have any answers as to what you SHOULD do I just know what I do do so to speak, is to get as near bed time as possible (anytime after 6PM will do it) and I get into bed, snuggle under my duvet and watch shite tv - works everytime for me! I suppose the important thing to remember is that within reason, these feelings are completely normal and THEY DO PASS! Thinking of you
Molly

[Kimberley]

Immeasurably sad

Thanks guys,

A lot of wisdom here. And I appreciate the time all of you took to respond with your thoughts.

I have tried to wind down time by distracting and doing other things, but the sadness always comes back.

Ktab, it's funny you said what you did. I have read up on my condition and I know a lot about it. BUT I have never managed to trace the feelings back. My counsellor says it will take time maybe, but honestly I don't remember an unhappy childhood or anything.

Ah I'm stuck. But thanks all of you,
K X

[Kimberley]

Immeasurably sad

Thanks Molly

[Bandit]

Immeasurably sad

Hi Kimberley,

Just wanted to add that i am sorry you are feeling sad and blue

Like Molly i don't know what to say to about that except that i get dreadfully depressed myself sometimes, quite a lot of the time actually, especially after the business of the day is gone and the evenings loom. Humour works for me - getting into bed and watching a stupid funny movie or a girly flick or whatever.

Hope you start feeling better soon:l

[papmom3]

Immeasurably sad

Hi Kim
Somewhere during my 2nd month of my journey I got hit with the blues so bad I was floored. Had never in my life felt like that for no reason I could come up with. I wasn't in counseling and honestly, didn't even think to check it out very thoroughly. EVERYTHING was so overwhelming and the black cloud over my head was so heavy. I started researching supplements and decided that GABA might help me so I got from a local shop. I feel it is what helped pull me out of the depression. On hind site I should have reached out to my doctor at the first sign and talked to her about ADs. Now I know that it is very common for people in the beginning stages of sobriety to become depressed. I took the GABA up until this month when I stopped all of the supplements as I felt they weren't working for me anymore. I did start Amoryn, a natural AD which i take at night. I feel better and more even than I have in a long time.
I hope you can pull something out from my experience. I wish you the best of luck in your journey, and I agree with the others-One slip is only one step backwards as long as you end it there and continue making forward progress in your journey.
:l