Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

[Holding On]

Hey everyone. I know that one of the reasons I drank was because I don't like, indeed often hate myself. Of course now that I'm not drinking all those feelings are still there. I am so self-conscious ALL the time, walking down the street, driving...sometimes I tell myself to imagine I am invisible (as stupid as that sounds). How I wish that I could "just be". Lately I find the memories of the shameful things I have done becoming stronger, yet in spite of this I am feeling so self-destructive today and am filled with a longing to drink:upset:

[rubywillow]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

Hold, a lot depends on how long you drink before you quit. As long as you understand drinking doesn't work, then your'e ready to work to work on recovery.
I drank for a lot of years - decades. So stopping, I had to relearn a lot. I've rediscovered the things I love. I love being productive, dependable, normal. Don't ask too much from yourself at first. There are too many other things to focus on. But one day, you'll do something you love, or you'll just be happy.
Let us know how we can help you in this, OK? Glad you're here.
Remember it's great to be yourself.

[JackieClaire]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

I can relate to that feeling so well HO, I had crippling low self esteem. I still every so often get the internal shudder of the things I have done or said while I was drinking, but the good news the longer AF I am they become less frequent.
I had to check I was doing things 'right' if you see what I mean. My husband who's a 'normie' tells me even he has days like this.
Drinking will only bring these feelings back twofold, so hang on and honestly this will pass.
J x
:l

[brittzak]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

Alcohol only intensifies the self-loathing. Maybe you should seek some help. Share these feelngs.

[havefaith]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

You know I go through some moments when I beat myself up, usually over stuff I've done under the influence( and trust me I 've done some hideous shit!)
But like my therapist told me- people with addictions really need to do daily positive affirmatiions,no matter how small. Because when not under the influence we are terrific people, we just need to believe it!
I know this is easier said than done,But GOD doesn't make MISTAKES..... We make MISTAKES......

[rubywillow]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

The question is, how did you feel about yourself BEFORE AL?

[PhoenixRising]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

And how old are you? I am 53 and finally got to the point where I don't give a feck what people think about me. It was a different story when I was in my 20s and 30s however...

[gyco]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

seeing the light

Holding On;934301 wrote: Hey everyone. I know that one of the reasons I drank was because I don't like, indeed often hate myself. Of course now that I'm not drinking all those feelings are still there. I am so self-conscious ALL the time, walking down the street, driving...sometimes I tell myself to imagine I am invisible (as stupid as that sounds). How I wish that I could "just be". Lately I find the memories of the shameful things I have done becoming stronger, yet in spite of this I am feeling so self-destructive today and am filled with a longing to drink:upset:

goodmornin H O,sobriety no matter which way you go is not an easy life,Drunk,Moderation or even total Sobriety,they all have there up and down moments,some of us have been doin this for many years,myself 40,i was a late starter at 17,yes im 57,i beleive after a while,it kiks in,and your body shuts down,as far as hating ones self,a different phrase mite be better,were not comfortable in are own skin,so when we find alchohol it releives that feeling,until we start abusing it,everything takes time your at a great site and i wish you well gyco:welcome::goodjob:

[Holding On]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

Thank you so much everyone. I just turned 43 and I have never liked myself, always have felt "less than". I first started drinking at 17, I was shy and insecure, liquid courage gave me the courage to go to my first dance and also have sex for the very first time with a guy I had had a crush on for a long time. Looking back I can see that should have been a sign that alcohol was not going to be my friend. I had no idea if I would ever hear from the guy again...I did, and we were together for a few years but he was abusive...of course I blamed myself. Over the years my drinking progressed from every weekend to every day. I have put my marriage at risk so many times. Absolutely everything stems from my insecurity. I have been to counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, but maybe I should try again.I have six months of sobriety and for that I am very thankful but I'm just so tired of feeling like this. But just writing this has been helpful so I thank you again.

[Popeye]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

Dear Holding On,

I understand your feelings as they were my own up to a short while ago.
A few of the replies also ring true.
I didn't like myself at all. I felt useless, incompetent; just not good enough, or as good as everyone else seemed to to think they are. This was an ever-present feeling and I don't think I drank to ease it as I assumed it to be fact. I always felt as if I needed permission to live how I want to.
I, Like Ruby, have reached an age (48) where I give not one jot what others say or think and have found that I need doff my cap to no-one and I haven't worked out if this is because I quit drinking, or because I realised that through getting control of my life, that I am as good as anyone else and as entitled to do as I please with or without their blessing. I'm lucky enough to have no dependents now, as mine are up and fending for themselves and when I started a new job, I determined to do it on my terms and never to let it stress me out and if they don't like me..their loss. It so happens they do like me...for now...They get their money's worth and I get my money. I recently had a stage of living on my own for the first time in my life which coincided with a deep personal low and I found I had to decide on how to do everything, and you know what? I did it properly, to my own satisfaction and it felt good.
Since stopping drinking I have altered my thinking on so many things, some in a big way and others not so and I'm still learning or re-learning how to do it right, or at least right enough for me.
One of my favourite people once said that it seemed I was finally happy in my own skin and I think she's right.
I hope you can find your own balance and if it doesn't happen today, it might tomorrow.
Good luck to you

[Holding On]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

Thank you Popeye. I'm very happy for you and hopefullly someday I will get to that point too. I feel as I've wasted so many years of my life drinking, I don't want to waste the time I have left hating myself.

[Kimberley]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

Holding, I became an alky for many of the same reasons. I had something called Social Anxiety Disorder:

Social Anxiety UK

I was treated (after 10 years of drinking to cover it up) with hypnotherapy. For some reason, it took doctors 10 years to diagnose me as SAD/SP wasn't well-known.

Whatever you have, I hope you find a way to feel better soon. I do know how you feel pretty much.

K x

[gyco]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

keep on going

Holding On;934950 wrote: Thank you so much everyone. I just turned 43 and I have never liked myself, always have felt "less than". I first started drinking at 17, I was shy and insecure, liquid courage gave me the courage to go to my first dance and also have sex for the very first time with a guy I had had a crush on for a long time. Looking back I can see that should have been a sign that alcohol was not going to be my friend. I had no idea if I would ever hear from the guy again...I did, and we were together for a few years but he was abusive...of course I blamed myself. Over the years my drinking progressed from every weekend to every day. I have put my marriage at risk so many times. Absolutely everything stems from my insecurity. I have been to counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, but maybe I should try again.I have six months of sobriety and for that I am very thankful but I'm just so tired of feeling like this. But just writing this has been helpful so I thank you again.

hi again H O,i thot id continou with your thread,6 months is a good start,i will say dont let it go,it is good to write things down,and look back at what you wrote,at 1st it can be hilarious,specially when your just ridding yourself from Al or drugs,ive had 2 years of sobriety back in the 80 s,actually did it on my own,but life s many trials and tribulations took hold,over the years i to have been thro turmoil,with addiction,but also over the last many years ive stopped and started many times from weeks to months to never more then a years at a time,i beleive from the research ive been able to do,it has a lot to do with are genology,genetics,one would only beleive like drinking a glass of milk you wouldnt drink the hole cow,a little bit of humor,somthin else ive lerned since comin out of treatment is recognising the problem,not necessarily stopping for ever,and most of all never forget that your special,that thot makes all the difference in my life,i wish you well gyco:goodjob::thanks:n

[Holding On]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

Thanks Kimberley...a lot of that rings true for me! And thank you Gyco, I think I will take your advice and write things down...I always think about it...just too lazy to actually do it I guess!

[brittzak]

Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin?

Most psych doc suggest you write your thoughts down. That in itself is helpful. I went to psych docs too and it never helpedme. BUT, you only get out what you put in when in therapy. Sharing yourself is hard. Do you feel you really gave it your all?