my life in a bubble

[beagle]

maybe it's from last night that i can post this.
warning; somewhat depressing & not all inspiring.

i seem to live my life in a bubble.
of thoughts & not words.i like to think & not speak.
i like to be by myself,sitting in a paddock with horses & dogs,just listening & watching them.
they invariably come up to be with me.i like this about them. i don't seek them, they seek to join me. so different to humans. animals have always been wanting to be close to me.
i get "hot hands" sometimes so that when i touch them,they go calm,sleepy even.
not that i'm into crystals or alternative stuff,but my hands are nearly always cold except at certain times with animals.
a tangent there.
i have a large bubble. don't wish to talk much face to face. have few but close friends.
wondering where i'm going at 41. looking in the mirror is not pleasing. i start a lot outside.
i love hearing birds but they bring back the infinate sadness of the loss of my baby.
my bubble does not include my husband or my family. i have no desire to let them in. perhaps worried about their reactions.
i know i am loved but funnily, i love my animals more than i think i could love another human being. i am simply devoid of that depth of emotion.
on the other hand, i seek to find new friends, ones i can talk to on the same plane.
specifically, on this plane.
ramblings over now.
i feel so slow from last night,but it is a nice slow,peaceful.

[Guest]

my life in a bubble

Beagle

I'm pretty sure the feelings you describe are because you are in the AL bubble. When you are 'with' alcohol it's impossible to connect with anyone else, you are in your AL cocoon.

Perhaps you can peak out from under your blanket soon?

[beagle]

my life in a bubble

prob right UK.
when the "soon" happens i'll let everyone know.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

my life in a bubble

Hi Beagle, just want to offer my support, I do empathise with your loss. Have you ever spoken to a professional about this? Not sure what the answer is right now but here will be wiser heads than mine along later today I am sure.

[beagle]

my life in a bubble

the worse thing about this KTab is that horrible feeling of underlying selfishness (nearly spelled that shellfishness!) & trying like hell to climb out of the well & know that others have it far worse than myself & wtf have i got to whinge about. i hate self pity & know that i do not want to wallow in it. but sometimes , as the song goes "what about me?" ah well.
wanky firkin doc & can hardly wait for my psych to come back.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

my life in a bubble

We have to be kind to ourselves and ultimately learn to love ourselves again. This takes time, for most of use who have been caught in the cycle of self abuse, self disgust at our behavour and finally loss of all self respect. This does take time and it is hard initially to see that we are not bad people, it is the distorted image of ourselves we have become. Wishing to become the person we should have been, and can be, is not selfish (or shellfish even) but something we should strive towards and be thankful that we realise we are worthy.

Sorry I really have to run now, I have a meeting.

[beagle]

my life in a bubble

my bubble is thickening into glass & i am getting slower in my thoughts & actions.
isolation is radiating in my head & there is no "WAY out"
my hands are cold, i read other threads but it seems to be the greater community is smiles & joy whilst I watch through a window & wish i could be there.
i know invitations are given generously but I have one & it means nothing.

i stare a lot, outside. watch birds,leaves.

i watch the fire i've just lit to see the motion of the flames.
sleep is so welcome but my dreams are well, vivd to say the least. they disturb me.
evening draws.must get my mask back on.

[one2many]

my life in a bubble

Hey Beags,

Me aul flower. All is not lost hon, it just seems that way, the numbness, emptiness and not caringness will pass. They are feelings, they are fleeting. Sometimes watching through a window is easier than being in the room, I do understand that. I think we all feel like that sometimes.

Just know that you are loved, special and a funny fecker.

Turn Your Face To The Sun
Maithri Goonetilleke



Beloved,

There are days when nothing seems right. When every shell you pick up on the winding shore is broken. When the silken treasure slips through your fingers too quickly. When comforts are empty. And the world is noise.

On those jagged edged days, when the wind is screaming for a reason only she understands. And you find yourself all alone.

Turn your face to the sun.

There is goodness in the world, that even the river of tears cannot erase.

There is love in the world, that the numbed armies of fear can not destroy.

Sometimes that goodness is everywhere apparent. It pours from the heart of every moment. From the light of every smile.

On those soft days, love hides in the eaves to drop like sweet honey on your forehead and sings her lilting lullabies in the arms of the winds.

But on some days, Beloved. On days like today....

We need to look, to see.

So turn your face to the sun.

Even when she is nowhere to be seen.

Go inside yourself. Find a speck, a splinter of beauty to be grateful for.

'Yes', the day has worn you. And 'Yes' our mistakes have been so many.

But say 'Thank you' anyway.

Take account of all that is in your possession.

A mind. A heart. A body.

A life that breathes, even if for just one more day.

Now count the eyes that have smiled
at you on your wild journey,

the hands that have held you tenderly,

the ears that have listened,

the prayers that have been made on your behalf.

And whisper your 'Thank you' again.

Count the sky that has watched you grow
with His painted eyes,

The heaving waves that find their echo
in the tides of your breathing,

The little birds that have sung
you their songs,

The stars which have been a lamp
to your path,
and are your
rightful inheritance.

Count unexpected laughter,

Count undeserved grace,

Count Passion and Love making and Dreams yet to be born,

And bow your head and say 'thank you',

Now count the lives who still need your light,

The hungry, the sick, the helpless,

Count the children who will die today

and imagine if with the breath of your body
you could help just
one.

Turn your face to the sun,
And know yourself as a child of the light.

You are the Goodness that cannot be extinguished,

The love that burns through the darkest night.

And perhaps,
In turning
You will see what i have seen,
that this day where everything seemed wrong,
was not your curse,

It was your gift,

Your chance...

To find inside yourself a forgotten 'thank you',

To smile in the face of the grim suppressors,

To stand in the heart of the glowering darkness
and turn your face to the sun.


.

[patrice]

my life in a bubble

Thanks Oney
What a wonderful affirmation
Think I'd better get some paper for the printer
Patrice

[beagle]

my life in a bubble

thank you One2,through some firkin streamin' moisture welling from my eyeballs it was a lovely poem.

[one2many]

my life in a bubble

Chin up Beags, i need yer ass over here in Ireland so we canpiss ourselves laughing! So get saving bint! xxx



Patrice :l

[beagle]

my life in a bubble

ok from one bint to another - i'll get shifting.

[beagle]

my life in a bubble

Thanks Zen,
after yrs of being expected to shut tfu it's hard to blast open long sealed path between brain & mouth. Easier path from brain to fingers.
I have however booked in to have an "optrectomy" - the severance of the nerve that connects you eyes to your arsehole & thus corrects your shitty outlook on life.

[one2many]

my life in a bubble

beagle;937455 wrote: Thanks Zen,
after yrs of being expected to shut tfu it's hard to blast open long sealed path between brain & mouth. Easier path from brain to fingers.
I have however booked in to have an "optrectomy" - the severance of the nerve that connects you eyes to your arsehole & thus corrects your shitty outlook on life.

:H:H:H

[brightlite]

my life in a bubble

First, Oney....that was beautiful.

Beagle, look inside yourself, but also look outside yourself...sometimes you need to push yourself outside your bubble into your uncomfort zone...to move on, to grow a new insight. I completely understand how you feel. I'm one that always wants to shut the world out. I also lost a child and that was heart wrenching...very difficult to overcome and see the sunshine.

You are expressing your thoughts here. You have a very interesting way of expressing yourself. Writing a daily journal may be helpful too. There is love in abundance out there. Like all those books say...it is what we attract into our lives that makes the difference. Move from self-isolation, self-pity and open your heart and eyes. Just try it one step at a time...and yes the alcohol clouds everything and creates depression and despair. Clear your mind and the rest will follow....Right?